Divorced! No Grounds!

Veovus

My wife recently filed for divorce after four years of marriage and there is no grounds! In california you can't contest a divorce and it requires only one signiture to do it. Im Twenty three and male. For the past year our relationship was pretty bad I tried the best I could to make it work but she didn't want to. So I got a little withdrawn from the meetings and I wasn't doing so well. Now Im moved out and straighted up my life a little better and am doing much better. But the thing is that since there is no grounds on either side I have to wait for her to get married first or commit adultry. I miss the campionship of being married and Im lonley I get depressed a lot thinking about it and I don't know what to do?

nilfun

(((Veovus))), I'm sorry you're having a hard time right now. .

But the thing is that since there is no grounds on either side I have to wait for her to get married first or commit adultry.

I always thought that was a pretty cruel rule.

Hang in there. Having been thru a divorce myself, I can tell you things will get better.

http://divorcesupport.about.com/library/weekly/aa091797.htm <---just a short list about being alone after divorce....

Elsewhere

Judging by what you said, when she files for devorce... you will be devorced. That means that you will be free to marry again.

If you are worried about the insane JW rules... go screw a chick and tell the elders. You will be DFed for six months to a year, then go back.

BAM... problem solved.

Now, if you want the fast track, here is what you do. Instead of screwing a chick... screw the whole JW organization... "simply leave the faith". Don't send them a letter of disassociation. Don't tell anyone that you want to disassociate. Don't tell anyone that you disagree with anything the organization or the "Faithful and Discrete Slave Class" teaches. Don't give any reasons for leaving. Just direct them to the quote at the end of this post: "Those who simply leave the faith are not shunned". Don't give them ANYTHING in writing or say anything in front of two ore more people. Do not talk to them over the phone because they have a habit of using three-way calling so someone else can listen in and act as a second witness in a Judicial Committee against you. What you SHOULD tell them is that you will sue if anything slanderous about you gets back to you or if anyone suddenly starts shunning you.

Make sure you record ALL conversations with the elders or any other brother or sister as evidence. They will tell you not to record anything because they know that what they will be saying may get them into legal trouble. Just hide the recorder where they cannot see it or get one of those mini-recorders and put it in your pocket. While recording their comments, ask them if their are any accusations against you. Once they say that they have nothing on you, you have got them! The reason for this is so that if anything slandeious about you starts going around, or anyone starts shunning you, you have the words of the elders to present to the court.

Once you "leave the faith" you are no longer bound by their rules... but NEVER EVER mention the word "disassociate". If someone mentions it, make sure you make it VERY clear that you did not "disassociated". Always say "simply leave" or "simply left the faith".

Ideally you will do all of this with the adice of a lawyer.

Even if you do these things... you will still likely be shunned. The JW's are VERY legalistic and will try to find a reason to shun you. That is why you have to hold the "slander" thing over their heads. If any of your friends or family mysteriously start to shun you, then you may have a case against the elders for slandering you.

http://www.jw-media.org/beliefs/beliefsfaq.htm
Do you shun former members?
Those who simply leave the faith are not shunned. If, however, someone unrepentantly practices serious sins, such as drunkenness, stealing, or adultery, he will be disfellowshipped and such an individual is avoided by former fellow-worshipers. Every effort is made to help wrongdoers. But if they are unrepentant, the congregation needs to be protected from their influence. The Bible clearly directs: "Remove the wicked man from among yourselves." (1 Corinthians 5:13) What of a man who is disfellowshipped but whose wife and children are still Jehovah's Witnesses? The spiritual ties he had with his family change, but blood ties remain. The marriage relationship and normal family affections and dealings can continue. As for disfellowshipped relatives not living in the same household, Jehovah's Witnesses apply the Bible's counsel: "Quit mixing with them." (1 Corinthians 5:11) Disfellowshipped individuals may continue to attend religious services and, if they wish, they may receive spiritual counsel from the elders with a view to their being restored. They are always welcome to return to the faith if they reject the improper course of conduct for which they were disfellowshipped.

Good Luck!

Lost Diamond

I'm sorry you're going through so much pain. I have been through it too, and I promise, it does get better! Take it one day at a time and take care of yourself...don't be too harsh. This is a whole new beginning for you, a time to grow and learn from your past experience. Things will work out for the best.

I agree with Nilfun...the "no grounds"rule is pretty harsh.

Veovus

My whole point of this post is to seek a little comfort from people that knows or is going through what im going through. Im not planning on leaving the organzation cause I personally think its the true religion. I was looking for replies from other active witnesses not apostates.

Mulan

sorry............there aren't many of those here.

I do feel for what you are going through. I wish you well.

Imbue

Veovus,

Accept that your wife has left you and that because of your faith you will be alone unless she admits to committing adultery. It's basically a waiting game to see who will crack first and admit to adultery. It's a sad but true aspect of JW culture.

Edited by - imbue on 20 October 2002 18:11:27

garybuss

and I don't know what to do?

Yes you do!

Welcome!

gb

Lost Diamond

I wasonce in your shoes! That is exactly what helped me (better yet, convinced me) to leave the organization!; I told myself the exact same words you just expressed, but I saw how cruel and hypocritical they all were. You are going through a very tramatic time in your life, but I guarantee you....they will NEVER understand. You are only human and your healthy desires for love and acceptance will contribute to your life's quest. The TRUTH will reveal itself in time. I'm so sorry, my friend, but you will not find the love and understanding that you really need with your "brothers". I wish you well.

Been there, done that...

Sentinel

(((((HUGS))))

I'm so sorry to hear of your difficulties. Finding yourself totally alone, without the bond of marital companionship is quite an adjustment.

I'm curious as to some of the facts. Is your ex a JW? If so, then how did she get this type of divorce?

All I can say is that this JW rule is wrong. You are divorced according to the law, and you just have to get on with your life the best you can. Obviously, you didn't want the divorce, and are just having to adjust to the situation that is beyond your control. If you are deciding to stay free from the JW's, then I commend you. Don't be hard on yourself right now. Also, make some good friends. Sex is only a small part of life. Casual sex is just a physical act with fluids exchanged. Take care of your body, because it carries your soul.

Real and lasting love is beautiful and you have your whole life ahead of you. Take it one day at a time.

Divorced! No Grounds!

Do you shun former members?

Share this