I am reaching my breaking point!

by gilwarrior 24 Replies latest jw experiences

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  gilwarrior

  I just got back from the Palms casino where I lost $60 dollars. That had to be the worst game of poker I have ever had. I got home and everything just started coming to me. The lost money, me not being able to fine a job, being alone for the past month and a half and it finally happened. I completely lost it. I just crying like a little wussy. If you can image a 6'2'', 240 pound Mexican crying, it is not a pretty sight.

  I don't know what is happening to me. I really need a job fast. I can't take the loneliness anymore. The closest thing I have to any human contact is this site! How pathetic! Somedays I just feel like screaming. Other times I just look at people and I just want to hurt them. I don't know why really. Perhaps, I just want to feel like I exist. I feel like I am going insane little by little. One day it will get so bad that I will lose all contact with reality and I'll end up like one of those homeless people that walk around talking to themselves.

  It is a strange Catch-22. I want to be around people and have friends, but I don't know how to talk to anyone. I get nervous around new people and I don't know how to react. I don't get it. Anyway, I just had to vent again. Hopefully, I'll get a good job soon.
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  BeautifulGarbage

  (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Gil))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

  First off, no more gambling until you have a job.

  Hang in there and keep looking.

  If you need to cling to us, here, for now, so be it. Don't be embarrassed.

  Take care,

  Andee
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  patio34

  Hi Gil,

  Glad to "see" you again! Sorry you're having a time of it. You sound as though you have a grip on the problem by saying "hopefully I'll get a job soon." I hope you do too! If you were in my neck of the woods, I'd say let's go for a coffee for some human contact.

  All the best,

  Pat
• 

  IslandWoman

  Greetings from IW,

  I have at times found myself in a place not too far from yours. You need contact, any kind of contact. This may sound silly but even just going to a park and feeding the squirrels or following a deer, is an opening to the outside world.

  I don't know your history or any personal info so this may be way off base. I hope someone here has some advice that will help.

  Take Care,

  IW
• 

  nilfun

  ((((((Gilwarrior)))))
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  Farkel

  gil,

  : If you can image a 6'2'', 240 pound Mexican crying, it is not a pretty sight.

  I never met a Mexican bigger than 5' 5". And I lived in San Diego for 34 years!

  I saw lots of Mexicans cry, though. Mexicans are full of heart and emotion. I lived with them, ate with them and bedded them. They are some of the finest people on earth. But then again, NONE of them were 6"2", either. Vincente Fox is at least that.

  You're right. a 6'2" human of any flavor crying is not a pretty sight.

  Compulsive gambling is not a pretty sight, either.

  Just look at the Watchtower Corporation: they've gambled on imminent salvation for 125 years, and they've always lost.

  Stop gambling and start living/working. That's as simple as pie.

  Farkel
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  wonderwoman77

  First off, no need to feel ashamed for crying or being upset. Sounds like you have had and are having some tough times. Sounds like you have some anxiety over interacting with people yet you really need human contact as we all do. have you thought about reaching out to a community center in your area. They can usually provide employment assistance as well as maybe letting you talk to a counselor and work through the rest of what is going on. You deserve happiness as we all do.... If you need help finding a community center or community resources, email me and I can get you some leads....
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  TR

  Hey Gil,

  Get some education. Go to college. You can get grants and loans depending on what you want to do.

  TR
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  Imbue

  Gil have you tried the department of Labor? They maybe able to help you find a job. Then go back to school some kind of training or degree will always give you options you wouldn't have other wise.

  Then Gil look for a support group to join. I suggest Al-Alon because you have been affected by your parents addiction to religion. There are many people that attend Al-Anon when there loved ones have other addictions besides alcohol. You can find a meetings by calling information for the hotline number they will tell you where to find a meeting. Did I tell you that the meetings are free? You will meet many people there that have felt like you do now, uncomfortable around people and that they don't fit in any where. You WILL make freinds there and please go to at least six meetings before you decide if it is for you.

  Edited by - imbue on 20 October 2002 0:45:29
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  bitter mango

  gil, you've gotten some good advice...fret not if it isn't as simple as many have made it sound to be. if it takes a long while and you continue to have bad days it's no problem. as long as you are working towards something (even at the pace of a snail, if you wish) that's a great improvement.