Elders' Gems of Wisdom

by stephenw20 104 Replies latest jw friends

  • ZazuWitts
    ZazuWitts

    Oh my, am I LaUgHiNg. Some really funny posts friends.

    Venice, I, personally, had the same experience as your Granny. A newly baptized
    'convert' had been given her first KM
    assignment. We practiced the scenario over a dozen times...she was still so very anxious. On the given night, just as were supposed to 'go on' - she literally bolted out of the KH. Not knowing what else to do, and with no offer of assistance from anyone! - I played both roles...with a very red face!!! Many in the cong were trying to suppress their laughter...at the conclusion the majority actually clapped and clapped for my solo performance. BTW I got counseled for 'rushing' - and not using 'all' of the time allowed. Zeeeesh.

  • hippikon
    hippikon

    I remember one brother who was a bit backward and had speech problems. He had difficulty pronouncing Ass and would say Arse. “Jesus came riding into Jerusalem on his Arse.” Couple of weeks later he had to read the same verse only it had changed to “Jesus came riding into Jerusalem on his donkey.”

  • waiting
    waiting

    ok.ok.ok. couldn't stand it anymore.

    1. An 80 yr old. ms brother was our WT reader occasionally. He ate it up - closest he could come to giving a talk.

    We had a study on watching what type of music we listened to. He commented that when he was younger, he almost had an auto accident because the radio played Johnnie Mathis and he wouldn't listen to him, even though he sang well. While trying to turn the station, ran off the road. We chuckled, and he sat down (he was doing the reading that day.) Brother asked next question, and Bro. Wilson waved his hand so that he could not be ignored. Standing, he said that he wouldn't listen to any singer who was living an immoral life, etc. Conductor thanked him, he sat down again.

    Conductor asked part B, and brother Wilson jumped up, yelled into the microphone, hands waving with exasperation "because he was a homosexual!!!" Everyone laughed, including the red faced conductor. No easy task considering he's black.

    Bro. Wilson used to be the life of the party when out in field service. He had bladder problems - thus, when he had to relieve himself, any bush was fair game. He was relieving himself in a householder's front lawn when he got tangled and fell into the wet bushes. A couple of young brothers had to help him up and try not to look as he zipped up. Much giggling that day.

    Oh! for an elder's gem -

    During the book study, an elder commented that people today were so low class and gross that they even had sex with chickens. A sister nearby (weighing in at 275 lbs) was trying to be serious. She had boobs on her that were huge. She was sitting quietly, and all I could see out of the corner of my eye was her boobs jumping up and down as she stifled her giggles. Which made me giggle.....and it continued until our whole row was giggling out of control.

    A couple of weeks ago at a funeral, an elder told the entire audience that Eve was cloned from Adam by God.

    waiting

  • riz
    riz

    waiting,

    rotflmao!!! Thank you for posting those stories! Oh my god I was dying. He really peed on the householder's lawn?? That is beyond classic. I'm still laughing while I'm writing this.

    And the boob story. Holy schnikes. Priceless. Whew. That was too much. I hope everyone is getting as big of a kick out of these stories as I am.

    riz

  • BadAssociate
    BadAssociate

    venice - can i PPPPLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEZZZZZZZZZ hear about gramps accidentally burning down the KH?

    your stories are SSOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO funny

    BADASSOCIATE

  • riz
    riz

    Venice,

    I'm with badass. I wanna hear how gramps burned down the kingdom hall.

    making popcorn,
    riz

  • Kismet
    Kismet

    Okay here are some of my own mistakes made over the years.

    As School Overseer..."So why is bible gynocology so important for us today (geneology).

    During my first public talk (two MS' split one of the talks on the Creation book when first released) "So these orgasms developed into multicelled orgasms..." Said multicelled orgasms three times before I realized what i was saying.

    Dropped my Proclaimers book of the podium, landing on my foot, "SHIT" was distinctly heard by all in attendance.

    Said by someone else during a serious Bethel morning text discussion about the dangers of drinking, "well if it made BudWiser it might do something for me."

    One (somewhat desperate) young Bethelite during the noon prayer: "Thank you Jehovah for all the beautiful sisters here today as day workers."

    One old crusty elder during the Bethel noon prayer, "And Jehovah, when we think of all these doctors and lawyers that hamper and persecute your people ....pause....May you bring eeeevvviiillll upon these men..." All heads raised looked around and quickly dropped back down.

    During the Bethel Family entrants school on the subject of masturbation. "If the urge strikes take the Bible in BOTH hands." I was trying so hard to hold back laughing I ended up snorting..I couldn't stop laughing and had to walk out for a while. Got talked to about my lack of seriousness after that. LOL

    I'll have to try and remember some of my and others' goof ups.

    Kismet

  • Moxy
    Moxy

    hey kismet

    heh, i remember hearing about the eeeevil prayer from others in georgetown. that guy's a character all by himself... gotta love those ties.

    i think i mightve heard of your 'shit' gaffe too. what hall was that in?

    mox

  • Kismet
    Kismet

    I forgot to mention the time when one sister was soooo nervous about giving her first talk. She tried but just couldn't get through it. I was trying to be comforting and I gave the recommendation from the platform, sometimes when I am nervous I find it helpful to take two deep full breasts first and then continue on.

  • riz
    riz

    O.K. I have to ask...

    Were any of you ever afraid that you would have a "tourette's moment" and curse while you were answering at meeting? Boy, I did. Perhaps it was just me. LOL. Anywho, it would help for me to know that i'm not the only nutball.

    riz
    (who wishes she had Tourette's on occasion)

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