Elders' Gems of Wisdom

by stephenw20 104 Replies latest jw friends

  • stephenw20

    My dad asked the CO about this one
    Mat 27:52-53

    And the graves were opened; and many bodies of the saints which slept arose,

    And came out of the graves after his resurrection, and went into the holy city, and appeared unto many.

    He said it was a poorly worded scripture

    I wondered is there a list of these poorly written scriptures


  • unanswered

    riz-talking to you earlier, my all time fav. has to be when an elder told me that if, IF mind you, i made it into the new system of things, it was a FACT that my tatoos would be taken off my body by jehovah. i showed him the scriptural content of the law on tatoos(mosaic) and the other elders told him i had a point-didn't phase him, though.

    p.s. riz is the funniest person i have ever met:)-nate

  • unanswered

    oops, double post-i'm such a tard:)

  • Simon

    riz, the experience of the prayer reminded me of when we were in our old, rented hall and during the friday evening meeting and they had opened the windows because it was hot (yes, rare for britain...must have been '76).

    There were lots of daddy-long-legs (crane flies?) buzzing about and my sister and her friend were watching them anxiously all through the meeting. During the prayer I thought it would be funny to scare them by touching their hair (obviously I kept one eye shut being spiritual and all).

    Oh boy, I didn't expect them to scream so loud! I can still see the mix of annoyance, panic & puzzlement on the faces of everyone who turned round.

    BTW: Having the meeting on a Friday was so much better than Thursday because you could go and stay at your friends for the weekend without bothering about school the next day.

  • eyes_opened

    one year at a convention the district overseer was giving his Sunday talk. He was a very forceful charismatic speaker who really got into his presentations. During one part of his talk he urged all the brothers and sisters <getting an A+ in gestures> to "Parque Diem!"
    My brother leaned over to me with a puzzled expression and said "seize the butter???" Kinda hard to concentrate on the rest of the talk after that. Too busy laughing.


  • stephenw20

    you had windows?

    we did once but they bricked them up......I never see windows any more...........guess the light must have to be kept IN!


  • LDH

    At this moment I'm trying NOT to remember what the elders said, but I can share a funny experience with you.

    A VERY pregnant sister was getting ready to go up on stage and give a talk. She had on one of those BIG necklaces with a huge charm on it. As she wobbled to her feet, the necklace swung forward and caught on the wig of the VERY elderly sister in front of her. As the elderly sister had just more or less placed the wig on her head, it was easily lifted off when caught by the necklace.

    It gets better.

    She then looked down as she was walking to the platform and saw A STRANGE FURRY BROWN thing on her stomach. She yelled and screamed and knocked it on the ground, and when she looked down and saw what it was, gently walked back and placed it on the (still asleep) old sister's head.

    True Story.

  • Moxy

    once, the chairman incorrectly called upon 'Brother Dicks' to come to the platform for the PT.
    the chairman went red when the speaker corrected him. his name was Cox.

    i believe another one was a speaker named Boris Baron, incorrectly called as 'Bare-ass Boron'



  • dedalus

    I was told this one:

    There was once a Sister Paine who had a large family, and hence always sat in the last row of chairs. During the WT study one Sunday, she raised her hand to comment.

    "Sister Paine in the rear," the conductor called.


  • ozziepost

    What about this one?

    Elder reminding congregation to put in their reports: "What's the point of going out in field service, if you don't report it?" !!!

    It's true. From a meeting in 2000.


Share this