Can a Christian and a JW be happily married?

janiemh

My husband and I are currently separated (since 6/02) We have not ruled out the possibility of reconciliation and are working on some issues. About 2 years before this separation, we both started studying with JW's. We went to Sunday meetings and had weekly in-home bible studies. After about a year of this, along with intense praying, studying on my own and tons of research, I came to the conclusion that I cannot believe what they do. In fact, some of their teachings actually scare me. but mostly, I cannot find biblical backing for a lot of what they do and it seems a very man-made enterprise as opposed to the "truth" My husband, however, feels they have the truth and believes what they do on everything. Whenver I would ask him where does it say that in the bible (such as disfellowshipping practices, for example) he would say that even if it doesn't say it, you have to use bible "principles"

Anyway, we have 2 children, 15 and 10, and they are being asked to practice in 2 very opposite ways. How can this benefit them? Can it do damage, as I imagine? If we do get back together, can this ever work between us? this was not the cause of our separation, but it was another source of conflict for us. Any advice for me???

ashitaka

Janie,

perhaps a marriage counselor would be the best option. while we can help direct you towards good sources on the net to help yourself learn about the sins of the JW faith, we really shouldn't tell you how to help in your family life. Try seeing a professional, they may really be able to help you in your marriage.

Then, if you're able to reconcile the other differences, maybe those JW things will fall into place.

Good luck,

ash

Lin

Jamiemh, I wish I could tell you that it would work just fine, but I don't believe for a second that it could. If your husband sticks with the jw's, there would be constant conflict and turmoil. He would feel the need to teach your children jw beliefs and work hard to indoctinate them as well. Jw's always teach that current jw's can "help non believers" by their witness type behavior, so he would be trying in covert ways to draw you in too, perhaps subconsciously through your children. I say, Be afraid, be very afraid.

Tinkerbell4125

Darlin, you may be asking the wrong group of people here!!! In my case *mother a j.w.---father not a j.w.* it made things worse. It was a bad situation to begin with, but the whole j.w. crap made it much worse! I'm not saying it wouldn't work, but in my opinion, it's not a marriage made in heaven, if ya know what I mean!

Tink =;o)

William Penwell

janiemh

Welcome, its nice to meet you.

You have already come to the conclusion that it took most of us years. Unless you are willing to give into this cult, the JW religion, or your husband leaves it, it will cause friction in your marriage. The JW do not built a marriage based on trust but mistrust. The elders will be interfering with every aspect of your life, including your intimate personal relationship with your husband. Their goal is to indoctrinate your children with this destructive cult thinking.

That is what happened in my marriage. I have been single and free from the cult now for 8 years and have never been happier.

Will

Mulan

I had many friends, who were JW's, and their husbands were not. They had even better marriages than many of my other friends who were both JW's.

The main difference is the wives were the believers and the husbands kind of passive about religion. If the husband is the JW, I can see all kinds of problems, because of the children, holidays and many other "subjection" issues.

Marriage counseling is a good suggestion. It can be a very tough road to travel.

LB

I have friends that are mixed. She is the JW, he isn't a believer of anything and I think that works fairly well. He just "puts up" with her beliefs and she doesn't impose hers on him.

For you guys a marriage consulor might work but if hubby is under the watchtower control they'll discourage that. They'll want an untrained elder to help you out instead. Don't do that.

As far as the kids go I do have a suggestion. Never never never say anything negative about their father to them. Just tell us instead if you have those urges. It is fine to talk against his religion but don't talk badly of him. That will drive them away from you and into his control.

mamashel

First of all WEKLCOME WELCOME WELCOME jan.

I understand your circumstances completely. I have been there myself. The first thing i would do is buy your husband the book Crisis of Conscience by Ray Franz, a former governing body member at Bethel. He explains fully how the organization is false. Maybe if he reads it he can come to his own conclusion.

I do have to agree with Lin though, I have my doubts, and believe me they will probably discourage him to return home if you do not have the same belief.

My husband and I fought for 3-4 years out of 10, because I converted to his beliefs (JWS) and found out for myself it was not what i believed. We also seperated. Mine does have a happy ending becuse we did get back together and even went back to the meetings out of fear, but both came to the conclusion we no longer wanted to go.

Just keep praying, because you sound like you are searching spiritually, and God will give you the answers your heart desires. As for the children, I have 6 of my own, and yes it is very very hard on them to have 2 different beliefs in one household.

Best wishes, and I hope things turn out well.

Shelley

DJ

Welcome Janie,

In my opinion from experience with my family......it seems to be that when the husband is the jw and the wife is not, it is more difficult than the reverse. Mulan is right about the subjection issues. He is the 'head of the house' and it does make a difference.

Have you tried to get your husband to do the research. You did not say whether he was baptized or not. Hopefully, he isn't yet. If he isn't, then that's great and he should be willing to Make Sure of All Things. If I were you, I would have a good long discussion about why he should research. The WT teaches that we should carefully consider what we believe. If he does that, he will leave!!!! There is so much info on the net to provide him with reliable documented facts.

As for your kids, that's tough to figure out. I agree with LB about not speaking ill against their daddy. They are old enough to see the WT hypocrisy. That is in your favor. I would engage them in the research! They will see it for what it is. You mentioned the 2 different beliefs systems.....may I ask what your beliefs are? Are you a Christian, do your kids have any prior knowledge of the gospel? I hope you don't mind me asking.

For the sake of your kids and your husband I cannot stress the dire need for the research! They are wrong as wrong can be. I am so happy that you saw that without being indocrinated first! That is a really wonderful blessing you have been given. The WT ruins lives and they are touching your life as well, but not your soul! I think that the people on this board all wish that we were as smart as you! love, dj

Yerusalyim

Janiemh,

Unless one of you or both of you are willing to compromise principal the marriage is almost certainly doomed. I know this because I am married to a disassociated JW. Remember, compromise is just an opportunity for everyone to be unhappy. Will he tolerate Christmas decorations? Can you be happy without Birthday presents for you, the kids, and him? Who will win out in the case the kids need a blood transfusion to live? Willing to have the Elders in your bedroom? The list goes on. Encourage him to leave the Society, or stay gone from him. It will cause less stress on the kids in the long run.

Can a Christian and a JW be happily married?

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