My short time WITH and AS a JW

by pincushion 23 Replies latest jw experiences

  • concerned mama
    concerned mama

    Hi Pincushion,

    Welcome to the board. It is great to see a fellow Albertan here.

    concerned mama

  • hamptonite21
    hamptonite21

    welcome, You will find plenty of support here.

  • Tzu
    Tzu

    I LOVED the restraining order bit!! Well done pin.

  • pincushion
    pincushion

    Amazing, I think I finally found a place I can be myself and then my frustrations and hurt over what this ridiculous cult put me through! Thank you also very much for your words of support and understanding. I have done a lot a research and PROPER STUDYING of the Bible said disassociated myself from the Dubs. I think my short stint with them has ruined me to entering any other religious sect. I feel myself as a believer of God in the spiritual private way. I now know the truth from the half-truths to the no truths of the Bible and I wish to hell I knew that the day they came knocking on my door. If you are not born into their faith or come by its innocently then they get you when you're down and out and help you enter a cave of darkness of misunderstanding and conspiracy to draw others to their black sheep flock! It is so great to know I finally have a place to common talk about this. My gosh there are people who understand. As concerned mama told me in e-mail the watchtower society does not stand a chance as the Internet grows larger and brings people together forums such as this. It is quite hard to go out on the street and find it ex JW, God bless the Internet and all of you here for knowing the real truth and congregating together to support, educate, and share!

  • Sentinel
    Sentinel

    Hi Pin,

    I read your post and was just overwhelmed with so much sympathy for you and all you have gone through. Certainly no one asks for this kind of life, do they? I think you have made excellent strides so far. You have to remember that cult religions really get inbedded deeply into the psychy. It is only natural that you would still be "bothered" by them to a certain extent.

    I have been out since 1981, and although I did get healed on a fairly large scale, emotionally, I still suffered a great deal off and on for the next twenty years. I felt like I was being "haunted". In 2000 I went on a mission to "retrain" my brain, so it wouldn't "react" to certain stimuli regarding anything JW. It hurt to drag it all up and face it and work through my issues, but it has sure proved to be much better than carrying "that monkey" around on my back all the time.

    It just takes time. I'm happy to say, that I have been successful, but because my mom, in her late 70'sis a hardline JW, it has presented problems during this time span. You can check my other posts which give you the full story. She lives over 1,000 miles from me, and I respected her choice. We had a connection for ten years, and then she began shunning me again. That kind of dredged up the old crap.

    I still have two very good friends that I've had since gradeschool. Even after I became a JW when I was fourteen, and stayed away from them for many years, they welcomed my friendship again without any hesitation when I broke away from the borg. I don't have many close friends at all. I have lots and lots of casual acquaintances and I am naturally a friendly person. But, I just don't socialize that much. My husband is my very best friend, and I have my son, and my husband's three boys that have been married and are now giving us grandkids. So the family is expanding naturally.

    As I said, with the latest update in August, my mother cut me off again and it's been really difficult for me to adjust, yet again. It's all so unnatural, so unloving. I really like this website, because the folks here truly understand what it means to have been/or be a JW. There weren't places like this when I was trying by myself so many years ago. You lose your self, and it does take quite awhile to recover and learn to live properly in society.

    Be patient with yourself. We are here for you.

    Love and Light,

    Sentinel/Karen

  • jgnat
    jgnat

    Always great to hear from another Albertan. It sounds like you are well on your way to rebuilding your life. Good for you!

  • outnfree
    outnfree

    Hi, Pin, and welcome to the Board!

    It surely IS a relief to find people who know....

    I am sorry for your trauma, but hope that posting here and having love in your life will help you heal.

    outnfree

  • pincushion
    pincushion

    Sentinel/Karen it struck a raw nerve with me when I read "I have been out since 1981" Sounds like everyone has been in prison and just got released. It certainly is like being behind bars with the key thrown away. For the longest time I perceived Cults as devil worshipers and blood drinkers yada yada, when I came into the Borg it never once dawned on me that supposed God fearing people were a cult. When all was said and done and I did my 'great escape' and I started to read more in depth of a REAL bible I realized how forceful and convincing words can be over action. I am far from being a religious person today..have attended a few different churches..none have really pleased me. I am more spiratual then anything, perhaps going back to my native ancestory..who knows...but it works.

    Haunted is exactly how I have felt through the last 8 years. Every dream that has woken me up in a sweat, every guilty feeling I have had for doing something not chaste, etc.

    One of my best friends now in the world is a JW who just quit attending. We both left the same time and never even knew..I was friends with her long before I became one, although she never told me her beliefs at the time. I did know she and her children were being abused. I was shocked the first time I walked in a KH and she was there. (she used to party with me a lot before that LOL) Today she is the only one I keep in contact with from there. She has since divorced and got her children out of the hell they were in. The abuse from the perfect JW husband and father was sexual, verbal and violant toward wife and children. I never realized until reading this forum there is so much of that within the Borg. I just thought he was a total prick.

    It must be hard to be alienated from family because of departing the beliefs and sytem. I can see that now and feel really bad for alienated my 'worldly' family.

  • Swan
    Swan

    Wow! What you went through! To have the gall to start preaching to your husband in front of you. What an arrogant homewrecking son-of-a-B. I think you showed extreme restraint in just blowing smoke into his face. He deserved something else in his face!

    I'm glad you found us.

    WELCOME!

    Tammy

  • RevMalk
    RevMalk

    Pincushion, I'm not stalking you, haha, I followed you here from the other thread. I wanted to know what else you had to say! God Bless you and know that we're all here for you (most of us anyway). You're very brave and I admire you and your Husband.

    I have been in hiding for years (I was baptised in '91 as well). I should have done the restraining order thing, that's great!

    Don't forget the Silent Lambs march
    September 27, 2002 - A day in History, Will YOU be there?
    Brooklyn, NY

    Edited by - RevMalk on 20 September 2002 12:40:14

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