No, being a JW never made me feel special. I remember once preaching at the door of a teen who was same age as I. She asked me that very same question, "Do you feel you are special?" I recall feeling completely baffled at her question. Of course I wasn't special, and I told her so. This response seemed to sadden her, and at the same time that I sensed this in her, I also sensed it (a sadness) in me. I was at her door trying to convince her to come to my KH to experience the love among the brothers, when I knew very well that it wasn't there. I moved around a alot growing up, attending about 13, 14 different KH, and it was all pretty much the same thing at each. Being part of a family headed by a single mom with 5 children and no money, I remember feeling at a very young age that the poor were universally despised, and it didn't matter to the brothers that I was part of their organization. They never found a check with Mom's name on it in the contribution box, and she and her children were treated accordingly (sure she would put in what she could, a few dollars when she could ill afford it, her 'widows mite'). So, as a member of the Untouchables in the JW caste system, no, I must say that I never felt special. It didn't make me feel special to meet really great non-believers and realize that I was not allowed become friends with someone who was going to be destroyed. It didn't make me feel special to listen to the brothers and sisters picking out whose house they were going to take over after the great bloodletting at armaggeddon. It didn't make me feel special to see the misery shunning caused. I felt ashamed and searched for a long time for a way to extricate myself from the situation without losing my famiy's love. Sometimes I think that is the reason I haven't been missed. I wasn't 'show[ing them] the money'!
