The Dreaded Elder Visit

by Big Tex 22 Replies latest jw friends

  • cruzanheart

    Well, he beat me to it! I was going to post the story this morning, but Big Tex works at night and he got the jump on me! Man, what an evening. Thank you all SO MUCH for your words of encouragement and support - it really means a lot. Dede, don't worry - my eyes are wide open and have been for a long time. I'm not going back. But I don't particularly want to be railroaded out either. If I make this permanent I want it to be on my own terms. Tex didn't mention it, but this past Saturday morning two sisters came by and nervously wanted to know how I was and where I'd been. They, uh, couldn't stay because, uh, there were other people in the van getting hot, but they just, uh, wanted to stop by and say "hi" and, oh, be sure to call if you want to talk. I told them how I felt about the way our son was treated when he had the arthritis (our son is SIX YEARS OLD, by the way, which made watching him scream in pain even harder - not that it would be easy at any age) and got so angry just talking about that, that I started to cry. They beat a hasty retreat. I didn't bring up my concerns about child abuse because I didn't want to be accused of causing divisions. However, I had been saving that little TX Dept. of Corrections printout for the next elder who said "boo," and there he was. Tex thinks the sisters were the advance guard for last night's visit. I do believe I will take his advice and switch our cards to another congregation, one that was also really good at ignoring me.

    Oh, yeah, and I AM PMSing this week - his bad luck!!!!

  • BeautifulGarbage

    Big Tex,

    I am absolutely flabbergasted that NO ONE commented, or expressed concern, that your son was in a wheelchair! I'm so glad he is better.

    And that the guy had the GALL to say "not in front of my wife" in YOUR house. Oh, I can see they have an "equal" partnership! It's more like Daddy and child. She must have the "weaker" vessel thing down pat.


  • cruzanheart

    Not weaker vessel - Stepford wife. The Hall is full of them, mostly elders' wives, and they all have that same blank, creepy stare. I guess that's why they didn't say anything when I walked in with Jackson - their computer chips didn't cover compassion. However, I think I like Nano's explanation better!!!

    Nano, thank you so much for your concern and words of wisdom. Tent is being folded and loaded on camel. I'm going to try to move our cards to a neighboring congregation that has ignoring people down to a fine art and we'll see if they can leave me alone again like they did the first time (4 years and not one shepherding call and the WT conductor never could remember my name even though I commented at least twice during each meeting). My dad is very sympathetic and encouraging about our situation and agrees with most of it. He's been around a long time and is disturbed by the changes he's seen in the past 20 years.

    Thanks, everyone!

  • Dismembered

    Don't allow them to come over without an appointment. That has worked for me

  • SYN

    OMG, what a horrible situation! Hope your son is better and you too!

  • imanaliento

    Sorry to hear of the emotional torment you all had to go through, I agree with Wild Turkey, in that don't be there without your hubby. As far as friends go, a true friend will talk to you no matter what.

    the treatment of humans is governed stricktly.

    they allow their consciences to be overridden by men, their compassion to be turned on or shut off at will by their organizational decree.If it changed in policy tomorrow the majority would change with it. (as quoted by Ray Franz)

    {{{{{{{{{{{{{{ it will get better }}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

  • LyinEyes

    Way to go, Cruz!!!!!!!!!!!! You seem to really have your game plan down good. My hubsband and I did and it worked that way for us for about a year. Then we got "caught" lol smoking, and got ratted on. We just got tired of hiding things we did, we like to go out to dance and drink on weekends, since we never had any fun for so long. We do lots of other things too, things with the kids , movies, outdoor events, etc. My hub likes a good cigar now when he drinks a beer, and I was just really curious about smoking. I know it was really crazy to pick up one and risk getting addicted to them at my age , but I said what the hay,,,,,,, turns out I was right , I don't like cigs.

    But anyway,,,,,,, I tend to ramble.......this MS ratted on us and our elder was told and they wanted to meet. It was either lie, or get d/f or to d/a ourselves.

    We had talked about the scenerio if we did get caught doing something that would make them give us a call. Since we felt that we wanted to be the ones to make the choices in our lives, right or wrong, we would wait it out and deal with it as it came along. We knew that we could get caught smoking, as we go to a nice dance club and it is a public place. I have ran into several JW's there, the ones that are "spiritually weak", or leading a double life.

    Honestly it was not that bad , making my choice to d/a myself. In my heart I already have. But we did tell the elder that the reason for us was not smoking, as I don't smoke anymore, but that we don't agree with the WT anymore and the way they handle things. I am sure many will think it was the smoking, but I intend on telling anyone who will listen the REAL reason we d/a ourselves.

    You sound like a strong woman , keep us posted on what happens, and keep up the good work.

    I know what you mean about a little one being in pain, my youngest is 7 and has an earache, that kept him up ALL night........ it is hard to deal with , you want the pain to go away so bad. Can you tell me a little more about this illness he had? I have heard a little bit about it, but my 15 yr old has arthritis as do I, and it has flared up really bad in his ankles this last week. I am thinking it is football practice, but before that we all had some kind of virus. Thanks, Dede

  • cruzanheart

    It was doubly scary because it was so sudden. Jackson had been sick with something his allergist said was probably a sinus infection so she treated it with antibiotics. She said there was 10% chance it was viral pneumonia but she didn't think so. I do wonder in retrospect because he had a 99.5 fever for a few days that wouldn't go away, but the antibiotics seemed to help and he seemed fine. Exactly one week after he finished the antibiotics, he stopped in the playground and told his dad, "my foot hurts." By that evening his leg was hurting so bad he started to cry when I tried to help him dress for book study, so I gave up on going (didn't feel like it anyway). I gave him children's Tylenol & put him to bed. Still complained about it in the morning, but I put it down to growing pains, or twisting his leg, and I gave him Motrin that time and sent him to school. He seemed fine all morning (Dad checked on him when he wasn't looking). By the time I got home from work that night, he was laid out in a recliner and could barely move. His joints were hot and swollen - but not red - and I got scared. Dad stayed home from work and watched our daughter while I took Jack to the ER. They ran all sorts of blood tests on him (I think they were scared of the really bad stuff like leukemia and rheumatoid arthritis and Lyme Disease) and came back with a diagnosis of "post-viral arthritis." Basically, he had a virus in his system that was working its way out through his joints and it was just going to be there for 4-6 weeks. Only thing to do for it was give him Motrin around the clock and wait it out. Yeah, right. That was Friday night. Saturday night he was screaming the house down so I went back to the ER. They gave me a lecture about bringing him back when I got a perfectly good diagnosis the night before but gave him Tylenol with codeine to shut me up. Sunday morning Big Tex went to fill the prescription and picked up some arthritis cream on the chance it might help. Guess what? The main ingredient in arthritis cream is the same stuff they make Mace out of, and Jackson spread the cream on his knees and then a few minutes later touched his eyes. Well, we had the paramedics, police AND fire department on our front lawn hosing him off for 20 minutes. Poor little kid - of course we felt like real heels for putting him through THAT too. Sunday night was bad and we fed him so much Tylenol with codeine that he started throwing up Monday morning. We were desperate and went to his allergist, who ran more blood tests, and his pediatrician, who mercifully had a good friend who is one of only two pediatric rheumatologists in North Texas, and she confirmed the diagnosis of post-viral arthritis.

    It just gradually went away, but that poor kid was in hell for a good two weeks. We had to use pillows to prop him in a fixed position in bed because if his legs moved he screamed. We rented a wheelchair for him and he was able to attend most of the last week of Kindergarten. By that time he was feeling well enough in spurts (it was worse at night) to enjoy the attention - the K girls fought over who got to push him around. Of course, all this happened two weeks before we were due to go on a non-refundable trip to Disneyworld! We went, with the wheelchair, and by the end of the trip he was fine. At first he tired easily, so we were glad he had the chair to sit in, and it earned him a kiss from Snow White, not to mention line-cutting for most of the rides.

    Now, the good thing about this type of arthritis is (1) it goes away (2) PERMANENTLY (3) with no permanent damage because the pain moves around and doesn't stay in one joint long enough to do permanent damage. The only permanent situation is my not ever setting foot in a Kingdom Hall again after the way they treated him, but from what I've seen and experienced, that's not a bad thing at all.


  • LyinEyes

    I feel so sorry for ya'll, god that breaks my heart. Glad to hear he is doing better. I know what you mean about the arthritis cream, i used it too and it burnt my skin so bad and I too got it in my eye even after I washed myhands several times. Ya'll have been thru alot ,, glad to hear you still have your sense of humor, about not setting foot back in the hall!!!!!!!!!!! Sounds like you need some time away from that crap anyway. It is just too much stress to try and live up to what they want you to do, even when you believe it to be true. When I started doubting it to be true, it was harder and harder to go and listen to their crap.

    Have a cup of tea and put your feet up , and Big Tex and little tex too, yall deserve it.

    Hugs , Dede

  • Jim_TX

    cruzanheart and Big_Tex,

    Sorry to hear about your little one. Glad he is doing better. I find it amazing what little ones go through sometimes.

    WildTurkey is right. Do NOT let any of those 'elders' visit you when your husband is not home. Plus, take it from me - a fellow ex-JW (driftee) who remembers that they came over several times to visit my wife (a JW - now ex-wife). I ALWAYS stood in the background - giving them stares, making them a tad nervous - they usually didn't stay too long to talk to her. (Making people nervous is my Trademark move.)

    Whatever you do - don't take any crap from them.


    Jim TX

    P.S. Having that info on the known sex-offender is a really good card to be 'holding'. Sorta like a royal flush in poker.

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