I'm starting to worry......

by DJ 17 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  DJ

  I've always known that I am a bit obsessive, but lately I've been starting to worry about it. When I was taught jw stuff, I really got into it. Now that I'm out, I'm really getting into that! I know that most women are supposed to be able to think and do a million things at once. For some reason my brain works more like a man's. I am only able to get into one thing at a time and then I dive in and totally submerge myself. Sometimes it a good thing, I suppose. That trait definately made me research the WT and eventually led me out of it. Lately, I've been spending way too much time here and everytime I leave, I tell myself, "ok, that's it for the day" Only to find myself back again 1/2 hour later or so.

  My little boy told me a very long and funny (i think) story this morning. I only heard part of what he said and I mindlessly muttered the word "LOL" at him!!!!!!!!! I don't even think that I was aware of what I said until my son said, "Mommy, what does lol mean?" uh oh

  love, dj
• 

  haujobbz

  I agree i think im becoming addicted to this sight its great.

  Thankz simon! This sites is bad for my health
• 

  maximumflash

  I know that most women are supposed to be able to think and do a million things at once. For some reason my brain works more like a man's. I am only able to get into one thing at a time and then I dive in and totally submerge myself.

  Hey DJ, what are you trying to say about men? I am a man and according to statistics, I only think about one thing, sex. I think about it every six seconds according to those statistics. That means I think about sex 14,400 times in one day or 5,256,000 times a year. Of course there are probably peak times in there somewhere I'm sure where the numbers are probably higher. But don't worry, that is suppose to be normal for a man, according to statistics.

  On a serious note, I think you will be ok.
• 

  mommy1

  DJ, Isn't this site great. I think the reason we get addicted to this site is because most of the people here have had experiences only another exJw would understand. I have talked to my never been a witness friends and they just don't get it. I enjoy reading the posts and occasionally respond.
• 

  Carmel

  Well, you've certainly mastered the art of exageration! Perhaps your dipstick is too short for the engine block!

  mushroom man
• 

  Beck_Melbourne

  I have talked to my never been a witness friends and they just don't get it.

  Mommy1: I had a similar experience. I have some non-witness friends who sometimes come over for coffee and they can't understand why I would bother to post on a discussion board relating to my previous religious beliefs. I once told them that I have met a few at a planned bbq and get together etc...and my friend just looked at me puzzled and said 'why would you bother?' They have NO idea why we bother...only 'we' do. I think we're very lucky to have a gathering place like this, I agree, this is a great site with some great people who post here.

  Beck
• 

  abbagail

  Hi DJ: You must be my long lost twin or something, because everything you said in your first paragraph sounds exactly like something I would describe about myself. I just heard within the past few weeks the comment on some TV show that men's brains can only focus on one thing at a time, whereas women's brains are able to multi-task (I think it was a 20/20 repeat on the Male/Female Brain; or maybe it was the show, Primetime). This was soooo opposite of myself, that I even mentioned it to a male friend, saying, "I must be part-man because I can only think/do ONE THING at a time." Then he said, "Well, I must be part-woman because I can and like to do several things at one time." It was funny. --- Also, there was the Oprah show repeat recently with that doc from Johns Hopkins who wrote the book, "One Mind At A Time." If you saw that, we would be the young girl with the long hair near the end of the show. She can only do one thing at a time and goes into overload with too much information.

  As far as this site and being in/out of the Org, I agree 100% with what you said about that, too. When I was coming IN, I was REALLY IN, and wolfed down every piece of WT literature and reference books I could get my hands on. And I was faithful and true blue to the ORG for 11 years. Then I was away from the Org for 12 but all along still felt it was "the Truth," and felt guilty about it, until Veeerry Recently. When the light-bulb went off recently in the OPPOSITE direction, I can't believe how fast I have switched sides of the fence, reading gobs of stuff since "allowing" myself to finally LOOK and READ IT (I avoided all this "apostate info" for a good 1.5 years since I first got on the net.)

  You signed up here 5/30, and I signed up a few days before you. I have been practically addicted, like you describe, to this place, and also like you, every day I say I am not going to check in to see what the current ACTIVE topics are, and I end up doing it anyway. Last night I forced myself NOT to get online, and I could hardly relax and just Zone Out on the TV. (And I used to love laying back and watching TV. What happened???)

  It's the INTERACTIVE NATURE, I think, of this site which makes it "addictive," and any others like it (which I have not bothered with yet). This site offers plenty! Humor, Research material, comradarie, etc. And equally important, as Beck and Mommy1 described, only other JWS or xJWs can understand. That shouldn't be surprising to people though, with the self-help movement and support-group wave of the past decade or more.

  BTW, LOL on what you said to your child!

  And to haujobbz, this is definitely hazardous to my health. The cigs burn up and another one is lit, over and over, as I sit here. Terrible terrible! I never lit so many smokes when I would watch the TV.

  Thanks to Simon for creating this Masterpiece! And thanks to you for being so honest and starting this topic!

  Grits
• 

  SYN

  You know you're spending too much time online when you start TALKING in IRCSpeak.
• 

  DJ

  Hi Grits: You are right about the interactive nature.......that is absolutely the key. If it was a sight w/o interaction, I'm sure that I'd have better control of myself! Soooo true, Beck and Mommy.......noone can understand an xdub except an xdub.... We have such a unique relationship. I feel as if I know you.

  I am really thrilled that this place exists but I have to get a grip about the amount of time I spend here. I am behind on laundry and bills and groceries and cleaning and talking to my family and, and, and, and.......I get really mad when I have to take a break to cook dinner.lol....

  When I first came here in May, I considered myself about 97% free of WT doctrines and I had been that way for several years. It may not seem too bad only having 3% doubt left, but it was haunting and when you have my obsessive nature, it's all encompassing. Anyway, since I 've been here I am 100% free of their lies!!!!!! I never thought that would ever happen!!!!!!! I do not have all of the answers to life's questions regarding religions but it doesn't matter anymore. Having my personality, that is a MAJOR accomplishment!!!! There is a psalm, I forget which one...(lol, part of my deprogramming......I don't memorize them anymore..lol) it says: BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD.............so cool, in other words....shut your mouth and quit worrying, I gottcha covered.I love that!!!

  Thanks for your responses guys, I enjoyed yours, Grits...maybe we are long lost twins!

  OH BTW, Carmel....you are a meanie. love,dj
• 

  abbagail

  Hi DJ: What time did I leave my first post? Ooops! Here I am again... :-)

  This afternoon is a perfect example of what happens to me a lot: I have paperwork that I need to do, but I need to use the computer and printer to do it. So I will say to myself (and at the time I think I mean it), "Today I am NOT getting online FIRST, but will just turn on the computer and get straight to the paperwork that needs to be done." I can't tell you how many times I go thru this same scenario, obvously "fooling myself." My printer and modem are hooked into the same port, so in order to print, I have to unplug the modem, and vice versa. Once the computer is fired up, then I do a 360, and say, "Well, since the modem is plugged in, I might as well check email first." Then rolls in a J-W.com email showing all the topics I replied to previously, and well, uh.... (red faced), here I am again...

  As a matter of fact, I was a "late bloomer" when it comes to the internet. I purposely would NOT sign up for internet service for quite a few years after other friends were already on the internet bandwagon. Because I KNEW as sure as day, and I used to say this to my friends as my reason for resisiting it, "If I ever get on the internet, I know for a FACT it will SWALLOW ME UP."

  My prediction has come true... :-/

  LOL! and Ditto on the laundry, the bills, groceries... AND so true what you say about getting irked at having to stop to take care of dinner or whatever. That truly is a sign of either Hyper-Focusing (which is a symptom of ADD, btw) or either a symptom of OCD (I haven't decided which!) :-) Fortunately (or UNfortunately), I live alone so I don't have too many interruptions from my online addiction...

  Hey, are there any IN-HOUSE THERAPISTS in this forum? I think I need one BAD (red faced again)!

  I understand about the 3% guilt, too. Every now and then in a quiet moment, I will still get struck with a wave of fear as in "What IF they are right?" Then my brain quickly remembers the masses of info on erroneous predictions, cover ups, witch hunts, Rutherfraud, cult-mind-control info I've read, 1914 fiasco, etc. etc. and I have to say, "This just can NOT be the truth, so where will God lead me from here?" Like you I don't have that figured out completely (it's a "hazy mirror" book of James, I think), but I think it is a process, and while going through these stages, there is a need to Share the feelings associated with each stage. I'm sure things will level out over time and we can move on to seeking/studying what to do next (at least that's what I've read from many others as to how it happens).

  I'm thinking the process must be like they describe for the five stages one has to go thru after a trauma or death, etc. (and I forget their correct order), but something like: Shock, Grief, Anger, _____, and Acceptance. (Can't remember specifically.) I can say I have already been thru the Initial Shock of learning all these things about the WTS, then most definitely the Grief (cried my guts out about Silent Lambs), and I think I am in the Anger Stage (from some of the stuff I find myself writing full of pounding, scathing denunciations -- I never planned on sounding like Farkel!). And I hope I will eventually move on into the next stages of _____ and Acceptance. (I'm missing one stage, anybody know what it is??? Where's that In-House Therapist when we need them?) :-)

  Your honesty, DJ, again, blows me away and I admire it/you tremendously for it. I never would have had the guts to "come out of the closet" and admit to these things if I hadn't seen you describing it first. And to show my thanks, I tried to look up that scripture for you. I wonder if this is the one you were thinking of??

  "Take your position, Stand Still and see the salvation of Jehovah in Your behalf." (2 Chronicles 20:17) or maybe it was this one in Psalms 100:3: "Know that Jehovah is God." Either way, you're so right, He's got us covered coming and going!

  Thanks for reading/sharing. Didn't know I was going to ramble on this long. But I feel much better now!

  Best regards/GRITS

  Edited because the spacing between paragraphs is not showing up, but the entire post was smushed together as if one long pragraph. I noticed this several times early this morning, too. So I put double-spacing between each paragraph, and let's see what happens???

  Edited by - Grits on 25 August 2002 18:31:14