Secrect of your Marriage

by Crystal 45 Replies latest social relationships

  • jack2

    22 plus for me and uh.....what's her name again?

    Anyway, the key is obvious - she worships me.

    Okay, enough of my crap - the real reasons are varied, but many posters touched on things that I can certainly relate to. One thing I can say is that we rarely seem to disagree - heck, we both enjoy sports, have similar views toward money, and similar goals and aspirations. Like Andee alluded to, if you just like being with someone, things kind of work themselves out.

    One thing I have learned is that when things do go wrong, when we have differences, I try not to get too excited. Things will work out.

  • bigfloppydog

    Been married 31 years this year.

    Secret to Marriage, well compassion for each other, trusting one another,spending time alone togeather, communication, common respect for each other, having humour,being able to laugh and cry togeather, sticking togeather through the rough times and the good. Believe me there are some rough times, but you try to work through it togeather. Allowing each to have there own space and friends. Play togeather. We have really been togeather almost 35 years counting our dating time. I believe our marriage will last a very long, long time. Just don't try to change each other, let each other be who you are.

    Everyone has arguements, we have had ours to, but now we just look at each other and start laughing. Things always seem to get worked out. My hubby is a real sweet man, and I really can't see myself being without him.

  • onacruse

    Not to crash this wonderful thread, and your wonderful marriages.....but I had 9 yrs the first time, and 17 years the second. I tried my darndest, just didn't seem to work!

    A sincerely personal question: Do you think that some people are just not "made for marriage?"


  • Beck_Melbourne
    Do you think that some people are just not "made for marriage?"

    I think some people are not made for the institute of marriage.


  • Crystal

    Wow..I did'nt really expect all these replys.I guess there are some good marriages out there. My bf says he does'nt want to get married because the Government gets too involved.You think this is just a line?
    He says he feels like we are married,why should we involve the government? I totally trust him,,but sometimes I feel he wants an out ...just in case he meets someone else or it just does'nt work out.
    Another weird thing is , he wants me to have his baby.
    I'm just really confused!!

    So glad alot of you have found true love.

  • Seeker4

    30 years.

    We've faced some SERIOUS problems in the marriage, problems that have routinely broken up many other couples. Among the things we've faced: I left the Witnesses, she remains a Witness; we had a child who was abused by a JW; at one time I was sexually involved with a few other women and my wife knows about it; we've faced some serious money problems; we both made major career changes late in our marriage; and many, many more.

    So why are we still together? Actually, we're seeing a marriage counselor, and this is one of the questions we've discussed in detail with her. What stands out as factors keeping us together include the fact that - despite everything else - we have a huge amount of love and respect for each other. That seems to be based on an understanding of why each of us does what we do. She understands why I've left the Witnesses and why I essentially despise the organization, and I understand why she has decided to remain an active Witness. We're both willing to allow the other person to think and believe differently, and feel no compulsion to have to CONTROL the other.

    We laugh together all the time.

    We talk everyday.

    For most of our married life we've had great sex - and when there was a problem with that, it led to other problems as well. That physical connection is vital, and we work hard now to maintain it. We flirt with each other, we make nasty comments to each other, we do a LOT of touching and cuddling and kissing and holding hands. For example, last night we awoke and made love THREE different times, and that is not unusual. Not being able to keep our hands off each other, after all these years together, adds a lot of excitement to a marriage when it could be all gone by now. But you have to work at that, work at keeping yourself looking physically desireable to each other. Taking each other for granted (which has happened in our marriage at times) is DEADLY.

    And while I have no belief in the idea that we have this one soul mate that we must find and marry ( a totally illogical concept), my wife often reminds me of how well we seem to fit together, and how effectively we work together as a team. When problems arise, say something really serious with the children or grandkids, a lot of couples end up turning on each other. My wife and I do just the opposite, and end up depending on one another and working together very effectively as a team.

    We know how the other will act and react, and we can depend on the other to do whatever is necessary to get the right thing done. I have huge respect for her due to that, and vice versa. And there is a long, long shared history to all of this, which would be impossible to replace with someone else.

    I know that's a long answer, but it's really a complex question. A good marriage - and by that I don't mean a marriage without problems, but a marriage that may have numerous problems but that handles them all successfully - is a combination of a lot of important factors. These are just a few of them.


  • The Alchemist
    The Alchemist

    5 months this coming Tuesday. My secret? My jealous JW ex wife has not found out yet (Even though she has be stalking me for more than 2 1/2 years). Nothing like having a good future disfellowshiping hanging over your head. Yes I know this thread is about "long term marriage secrets of success" but I had to tell someone.

  • YoursChelbie

    Hi Crystal,

    Very valid questions you have. I personally think, that if your boyfried says he wants you to have his baby--but doesn't want the "government" involved, he's only deceiving himself. After all, You will have to file for child support "thru the legal system" if he skips out on you.

    Having babies is an ---18 year ----commitment on the part of BOTH parents, wether they are officially married or not... Unfortunately, single mothers get the nasty end of the deal...financially because WHEN you get paid ...about 0.75 of every dollar you earn will go to FULL TIME DAYCARE.. This is assuming you don't have a college education...or some big inheritance from a wealthy relative.

    Any man who claims to love you AND to want FATHER your yet-unborn child but doesn't want to get married is actually afraid of commitment. But you already knew that.


    Marriage is a natural progression of a growing and blossoming relationship between a man and a woman.... It's not anything to fear... if you are both doing it for the right reasons, namely because you want to love each other and be there for each other for as long as you both live.

    YC--Of the "in spite of everything, I still believe in love class"

    Edited by - YoursChelbie on 22 August 2002 11:22:53

  • myMichelle

    It will be 12 years for me and Mr. M next month. Mulan's list good points, still working on some parts (some more than other). I like S4's post too, a lot of good points (think he was bragging just a little--I'll let the reader decide which part I'm referring to). But like it has been pointed out, those are not exactly secrets--here is the secret: toothpaste.

    Toothpaste? Yeah, I can guage my hubby's current state of mind by whether or not he puts toothpaste on my toothbrush for me. "What?", you say. {shrug} I don't know it's just a little ritual that we have, the first one to brush their teeth at night or in the morning will put toothpaste on both brushes. All is good in the world if the toothpaste is there. If not, it's time to find out why, although sometimes absentmindedness plays a part. I know. It sounds weird.

    Don't forget to say I love you, in words and deeds.


  • Seeker4

    Hey, myMichelle! Bragging?? Just giving the facts, maam, just the facts.

    Loved the toothpaste thing. Very nice. It is the little things, don't you think??


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