Polyamorous/Open Relationships

by LucidSky 27 Replies latest social relationships

  • LucidSky

    I'm not saying that I'm into this. But what makes this social taboo still unacceptable by many even today? We'll define polyamory as a sexual or romantic relationship involving more than two persons during the same time period. All persons involved understand this up front.

  • butalbee

    I'm gonna have to ask jeeves for a definition of polyamorous, since I am thinking orgy?

    BTW--How are those nice feet of yours????

  • joelbear

    monogamy is biology's way of making sure a father can support his children and to make sure that he knows which children are his.

    its pull is so strong that it carries over into all male sexual relationships where many are monogamous even though children are not and will never be an issue. same is true of all female sexual relationships

    biology hasn't caught up with the idea of birth control.


  • dubla

    well, theres the obvious answer for many: its unbiblical.......so that immediately turns up all the christian noses, and its labeled "disgusting", "immoral", etc. as far as the rest of the crowd, meaning everyone whos not strictly stuck to following the bible, im not sure why its such a big deal. if all parties are willing, comfortable, and no one gets hurt (theres the key), i say go for it.....indulge. obviously talking about it and doing it can be two different things though, and many once involved find out it wasnt what it was cracked up to be when jealousy creeps in.


  • obiefernandez

    Jealousy tends to be the biggest problem with polyamorous relationships. Normally, there is a primary relationship (man & woman). Add to the mix one or more lovers/romantic interests for either one. At some point, whether it's months or years later, the original primary relationship is likely to change. Someone will fall in (or out of) love, or other circumstances will lend themselves to the switch. That causes a significant amount of stress on everyone involved, jealousy issues, drama, etc. Polyamory definitely has its pros, but equal amount of cons.

    As far as I know, polyamory does not necessarily have anything to do with having multiple sex partners *at the same time*. It is different from the swinger lifestyle in that respect.

    Edited by - obiefernandez on 20 August 2002 13:25:44

  • Beck_Melbourne

    I can't see how jealousy can be avoided...would it not be inevitable? I guess some couples can find that happy medium where they can alternate partners quite comfortably without having to deal with interrogatory comments. In this case it would have to be a state of mind where a couple would regard the exchange of partners as just sex, and not a union of the heart...this is the only way I can see it working without jealousy creeping in between the bed sheets.


  • LucidSky

    Interesting points. Joel, biology probably does play a role. Different animals use different relationships. Although I doubt humans are 100% monogamous.

    I agree that jealousy is probably the biggest problem in these relationships. It can ruin any relationship, even simple friendships. This may be partially a cultural thing too. If you were raised with having multiple relationships as the norm, would you feel as jealous over your partners? I donno.

    Butal, they could use a good massage!

    Edited by - LucidSky on 20 August 2002 20:34:12

  • LB

    I had a girlfriend many years ago. We were young and switched around at will. Eventually jealousy played a huge part in our breaking up. We both got jealous. Weird. I didn't think of myself as loving her nor did she love me. But, that jealousy thing still came into it.

  • joelbear

    Jealousy, as with many negative human emotions, stems from low self esteem. I am not worthy of my partner's love, therefore, he/she will find someone that they like better than me.

    If one has a truly honest open relationship, then deceit it not in the picture, leaving only jealousy stemming from low self esteem.

  • Mulan

    I have several women friends, who are Muslim, living in Malaysia. In that country, a man can have 4 wives, legally. One of the women is in her mid to late 50's like me, with six adult children. Her husband married again, when she was about 45 and is still having more children. It hurts her very much, but she can't say anything. She had to approve before he could marry again, but there is a stigma to not approving, so she felt trapped. I am sure she never tells anyone there, that it hurts her.

    Another friend, is married to an Englisman, who converted to Islam. He will never marry again, because he feels committed to her only. She felt that was a safe marriage to prevent the polygamy.

    One of my men friends there, (32 years old) has an absolutely gorgeous young wife (27), who has given him children and will continue to do so for many years. Two years ago he married a woman, he had NO feelings for, who was in her 40's, with his wife's permission, because she was wealthy. It benefits them because of her money. The first wife wasn't happy about it, but had no choice.

    I don't think polygamy works. It's great for the man, but HELL for the wives.

    Edited by - mulan on 20 August 2002 21:24:21

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