Polyamorous/Open Relationships

by LucidSky 27 Replies latest social relationships

  • Xena

    Open relationships can be managed but it requires two people who are very secure in their relationship and in themselves.


    I agree with joel

  • Beck_Melbourne


    I used to ponder over this when I was a jw..would Jehovah take things back to the days of Jacob, one husband with many wives and concubines? My husband at that time used to pacify me with comments like "don't worry, you will still be number one wife". As if that would make it all okay LOL.

    Can't say I envy your friends...but I do understand it is tolerated, even though it is not a preference for the way things should be.

    It seems to work okay for the fundamentalist mormans in Salt Lake City. I saw a documentary where one husband was arrested and all of his wives spoke out, some of his wives were mother and daughter...as he married a widow and then later married her grown daughter...ewwwww...but they all claimed he was a great husband. They even had a roster for who got to sleep with him...ick!


  • JT

    It's great for the man, but HELL for the wives.


    Great Point!!!!!!!!

    I don't understand why it is so hard for folks to admit that this is just another invention by some dudes sitting around one night trying to figure out how they could get an endless supply of "Coochie"

    all the theory and scientific BS is a joke-- this is just another example of why as James Brown said :

    "This is a man's world" and men invent all kinds of little things be it religion, Goofy sexual and living arrangements, etc.

    we know it's cultural cause every little group of men are always trying to figure out an acceptable way of telling thier wives that they are entitled to the lady"s next door "Cookie" without her feeling she needs to get upset.

    most men know that if their wives swung as much "coochie" around the Hood as men have always done historically thier JAWS would be locked

    can you see the avg man accepting his wife's story that she needs the guy next door to come over and have as Danny DeVito said : "A Push in the Whiskers" smile

    yea right- most of these types of relationships are great for the guys by and large , while true there are women who enjoy swinging and dangling, but usually this is were men just have a ball.

    and yes the little Green Monster called beening Jealous usually shoots a hole in what often starts out as the greatest thing since Sliced Bread,

    I ask myself how many guys could continue if each night your woman came home only to proclaim how the guy next door is the greatest and you are SO SO.

    after about a week or two of this --men would be restructing this wonderful thing called "get all you can while you can"

    but hey that just life i guess

    great subject though -----even though i think this usually benifits males more so than females, just my 2

  • peaceloveharmony

    in a true polyamorous relationship both the guy and girl would be getting action on the side :) polygamy is not the same as polyamorous.

    i agree with joelbear and xena. i think it could work but takes two very self-confident people who are willing to be completely honest with each other.

  • BeautifulGarbage

    It doesn't occur to anyone that it can also be the wife's idea?

    No, it absolutely does not work if both parties do not agree. And they make the rules. And those rules can vary greatly by couple.


  • COMF

    I'm going to try a repost of some material I originally put up over a year ago. It started an interesting discussion, but I've reposted that link two or three times since then, and it's starting to have a stale feel, if only to me. So here's a reworded version of my position, which has only solidified, not changed, since then.

    I believe children need a solid, stable family life. I think the best environment for developing a healthy attitude toward self and others is a functional, traditional family structure.

    Now that my kids are grown, however, I've had the darndest time trying to see the point of committing my attention and sex activities to a single person. Frankly, I find that sex is much more enjoyable without the trappings of obligation, expectation, fear of betrayal, and insistence on "me and me alone." And I can find no reason why a person shouldn't enjoy the company, including sex, of someone who is a friend, but not romantically involved (given the usual understoods like complete honesty, mutual consent, protection from disease/pregnancy, etc.).

    I'm close friends with several women, any one of whom would undoubtedly make an exciting and delightful bed partner. Seriously, what is accomplished by restricting my sexual activities to just one of them? I'm not making kids. I contributed my two to the furtherance of the species, and was done with it.

    Sometimes my breakfast is orange juice and a bagel with cream cheese. Sometimes it's eggs over medium with picante sauce, bacon and hash browns. Sometimes it's waffles with butter and honey. If I wake up to scrambled eggs today, is that a betrayal of the bagel and cream cheese? Is my relationship with cream cheese diminished as a result of the indulgence of my taste buds with picante sauce?

    Everyone who has never felt any sexual attraction to anyone except their mate, raise your hand.

    Why do you suppose that happens, that sexual attraction to others? Is it due to inherited biblical imperfection? Please. I believe that's the way we are, naturally, and the monogamy thing is a kind of leftover from the days when the family unit was insular and essential to survival. I believe we still do it mainly because we're conditioned from infancy to accept that this is how it's supposed to be. The majority of folks don't practice monogamy anyway, they just play a pretend game and lead a double life.

    More and more all the time, this makes sense to me. Frankly, I like living alone. I love people and I love company, but there's a lot to be said for having your own place and your own space, and allowing people into it as you see fit rather than constantly sharing it with someone else.

    In her book, Gift From the Sea, Anne Morrow Lindbergh wrote something that hit me like a sack of bricks when it was brought to my attention. There are two pages to the excerpt. The first page sets the stage for the second by giving the illustrations. The second page drives home the obvious.

    Note that throughout the book, Ms. Lindbergh uses seashells as symbols for stages of life and social interaction.

    Pay particular attention to what she says about being a "one-and-only love" versus experienceing "one-and-only moments". Therein, I believe, lies the essence of polyamory, the perception that makes it possible to leave jealousy behind.


    And so I can say of a partner who spends time also with other men, that when she is not with me, what she does is none of my business. It would be my wish that she enjoy herself. Shall I be jealous when she goes shopping with her friends? When she goes to the spa and gets an all-over body massage from a handsome body-builder? When she spends the majority of her day in closed meetings with business associates I have never met, doing I know not what? No, because when we come together, that will be my moment of one-and-only-ness. It is enough that I know there will be such times. They don't have to be "permanent, ever-present and continuous."


  • butalbee

    Sorry, but I'm still thinking orgy................

    Massage you say? Do you have any warts on those piggies? Let's see that foot pic just one more time...

  • Elsewhere

    Orgy... I'm hoping you're just joking.

    For me sex, even with multiple partners, is a very intense, almost spiritual experience. I don't see why people have to corrupt that and turn it in to something obscene and selfish. I have noticed that a lot of people like to have sex like it is a contest with their partner(s); like they are competing to show off.

    Sexual pleasure should be given, not taken.

    Edited by - Elsewhere on 20 August 2002 22:57:15

  • Goodboy

    If you want to see how poly could really work, check out any good Heinlen book. Start with 'Friday', one of his better and more recent ones. The idea of the family as an corporatation into which you buy a "share" (expensive, like a mortgage), but once you do, you become a fully fledged part of the family, with sexual rights and everything. The lines of parent, spouse, child become blurred in a strangely wonderful way. Gals get to take their three husbands all together at once if they want, etc.

    Actually tho', the world is much simpler. Whenever one of my wives complains, I just quote Brigham Young to her:

    "Now if any of you will deny the plurality of wives,
    and continue to do so, I promise that you will be
    damned." (Journal of Discourses, Vol. 3, p. 266).

    ...this rarely works and I do get the sh** kicked out of me often, but oh that makeup sex!


  • LucidSky

    You're right peaceloveharmony. I meant all partners involved could have multiple love relationships. Openness and honesty is obviously critical or it will feel like cheating even if it is not sexual. Some persons would not feel comfortable with their partners starting a new relationship without talking about it first.

    COMF, excellent post!! I think you really summed up how I am starting to feel about all of this. There was a time when I thought I could get everything I ever wanted in one person.

    Regarding the family unit that Goodboy mentioned. Does anyone know of any research on the effect of child development? I mean there was a big deal about gays raising children not that long ago. That seems to be accepted more now.

    Butal, I'm disappointed. I thought you'd keep that pic for your desktop background?

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