Lin, if you haven't done so, I would recommend reading Farkel's essay, A return to the basics - Part 1. It gives a person a lot to think about. At the moment his essay is on the bottom of page one of the most active list.
Where To Start.....
by Lin 38 Replies latest jw experiences
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Lin
Thank you Larc, I've just printed if off, and I'll sit here and read it now. I'll comment when I'm finished. Thanks!!
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Lin
Wow...........................I'm sitting here shaking my head at myself for getting so stressed out over all this. Thank you so much for referring me to Farkel's post. Is there a Part 2???? I looked for it, but I can't find it. Anyone know where it is????
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Lin
This is my post the other day on Silentlambs. Please everyone, be kind and not sarcastic. This has been a very difficult time for me, and I'm expressing what's been happening to me lately. Some have said I should stop, relax, be quiet, etc. Some of that I can understand, But I feel compelled to go forward with my research. I really can't explain why, it's just a very real, strong, overpowering....feeling I have that compels me to go forward with my research. It's been very difficult, but I just can't stop. Some one the other day approached me out of the blue....with a book entitled, When God Speaks To You. I think the shock on my face was obvious. Whether that is just a coincidence or someone being used by God to help me, I don't know. I don't know much about anything these days. But I thought I'd relay that to you, along with my silentlambs post here:
- Remote User:
- Date:
- 18 Aug 2002
- Time:
- 10:42:42
Comments
Good morning everyone, this is Linda Thoman. Although I realize this site is mainly for child molestations/rapes within the Org, please allow me to venture off the subject a bit. My heart is broken, my soul is torn to shreds, and I feel on the verge of a very long cry. Please bear with me here as I explain. I was raised in the Org from birth; my entire family (except for one brother) are still JW's and have no contact with me since '95 when I left and was df'd. For the first couple of years I didn't want to hear anything religious or spiritual in nature, it made me feel physically sick to my stomach. But, for the last year or so, I've visited numerous churches, listened to sermons of various beliefs, and even for a time became a member of a non-denominational church and was in the choir, until I moved away from that area. For the last month or so I've been doing alot of research into the beliefs I was raised with, doing as was always said over the platform....Make sure that what you believe is true and from God, and not to blindly accept what you're told to be the truth, etc. Well, my research has been......literally speaking.....devastating to me. I feel as though I've been brainwashed all my life. I'm now 42, and I want to know what is truth and what isn't. My research has brought me to discover that the New World Translation Writing Committee ALTERED many verses in the Bible to make it appear as if there is no "trinity". That for me was extremely devastating, it tore me into pieces. I've always felt that there are "basic truths" which are the foundation of other beliefs, beliefs built upon like a pyramid. My entire foundation has been crushed and broken. I can't even begin to express here with words what happened to me mentally and emotionally these last couple of weeks making this discovery. My hands are shaking now just trying to get these thoughts typed out. I've been lied to all my life about God. About Jesus. Perhaps about everything I've ever believed in my life. I don't know where to turn, I'm at a complete and total loss. With so many various churches, beleifs etc.....Where do I find the real, honest to goodness, TRUTH? So many emotions are running through me. I've lost my entire family over lies. I've lost my mother, my father, my brothers, my cousins, aunt and uncles, and all my previous friends over lies. I'm not physically dead, but they think of me as dead. Damn.....I'm crying. Shit!!!!!!!!!! My parents have gotten old, they're in their 70's now. My father has always been the P.O. ever since I was a little girl. Hopes that he and the rest of my family will somehow come out of this disgrace of a religion and see the light, I don't beleive it will ever happen. My parents will die of old age, and I'll be fortunate to be allowed at their funeral. Damn, this is soooooo hard!!!!!!! Here I'm planning my wedding for next May to a wonderful, loving man, and I can't even share this with my family. You current JW's, don't even attempt to say a word to me. You are all blinded by lies, and you just don't even know it. To the rest of you...........someone please...........write to me at [email protected] I feel so broken. I know God is there, I believe in Him. I want to know where the truth really is. Is there a church that teaches the real truth, honest truth, nothing but the truth????? Do all churches teach just some truths and some lies too? I prayed Friday night for the first time in so many years. Is there REALLY Heavenly hope when the time comes when I die? Is there REALLY something about "Being Saved"? Please don't tell me to visit the discussion groups either, like jw.com etc. I've already done that, and posted my comments and questions, and all I got was people being sarcastic, and telling me to just relax and stop searching for the truth. I WANT TO KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm sorry this is not on the site's main topic, but I know some of you are honest and sincere people, and many of you have read my history posted on June 7th and my story of abuse, and I know some of you will write to me. In advance, thank you. To you current JW's.....do what the Org tells you over the platform....Make SURE that EVERYTHING you believe is the truth about God, not what you are told over the platform, in some magazines, etc. Use the brain God gave you, and use your libraries and do your own research. Just be prepared for what you'll find, it won't be pretty. Linda Thoman [email protected] and [email protected]
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seven006
Lin,
Many have taken the same journey and have asked the same questions that you have. Here is some information that I present to those who would like to know a little information that the Christian faith does not openly teach. In my search I wanted to know all sides and all thoughts.
There are Many books that explain the culmination of religious myth and how they come about. Two very good ones are Joseph Campbell's "The power of Myth" and T. W. Doane's book "Bible Myths and their Parallels in other Religions.
Here is a cut and paste of just a few similarities about the myths of Buddha, Krishna, and Jesus that is discussed in some of Doanes writings. This comparison is a "very small part" of the paralleling stories that are identical in Christian, Hindu and Buddhist religious myth. It should be kept in mind that the stories and myths about Krishna were written 600 years before Christ supposedly walked the earth. The myths and stories about Buddha were written 300 years before The myths and stories about Christ.
1.Both Buddha and Jesus were baptized in the presence of the "spirit" of G--d. (De Bunsen, p. 45; Matthew 3:16.)
2.Both went to their temples at the age of twelve, where they are said to have astonished all with their wisdom. (Ibid., p. 37; Luke 2:41--48.)
3.Both supposedly fasted in solitude for a long time: Buddha for forty--seven days and Jesus for forty. (Arthur Lillie, Buddha and Early Buddhism (London, 1881), p. 100, Matthew 4:2.)
4.At the conclusion of their fasts, they both wandered to a fig tree. (Hans Joachim Schoeps, An Intelligent Person's Guide to the Religions of Mankind (London, 1967), p. 167; Matthew 21:18--19.)
5.Both were about the same age when they began their public ministry:
*"When he [Buddha] went again to the garden he saw a monk who was calm, tranquil, self--possessed, serene, and dignified. The prince, determined to become such a monk, was led to make the great renunciation. At the time he was twenty--nine years of age...". (Encyclopedia Americana (New York: Rand McNally and Co., 1963), vol. 4, p. 672.)
*"Jesus, when he began his ministry, was about thirty years of age" (Luke 3:23).6.Both were tempted by the "devil" at the beginning of their ministry:
*To Buddha, he said: "Go not forth to adopt a religious life but return to your kingdom, and in seven days you shall become emperor of the world, riding over the four continents." (Moncure D. Conway, The Sacred Anthology (London, 1874), p. 173.)
*To Jesus, he said: "All these [kingdoms of the world] I will give you, if you fall down and worship me" (Matthew 4:9).7.Buddha answered the "devil": "Get you away from me." (De Bunsen, p.38)
*Jesus responded: "...begone, Satan!" (Matthew 4:10).8.Both experienced the "supernatural" after the "devil" left:
*For Buddha: "The skies rained flowers, and delicious odors prevailed [in] the air." (Ibid.)
*For Jesus: "angels came and ministered to him" (Matthew 4:11).9.The multitudes required a sign from both in order that they might believe. (Muller, Science, p. 27; Matthew 16:1.)
10.Both strove to establish a kingdom of heaven on earth. (Beal, p. x; Matthew 4:17.)
*Buddha "represented himself as a mere link in a long chain of enlightened teachers." (Muller, Science, p. 140.)11.Jesus said: "Think not that I have come to abolish the law, and the prophets; I have come not to abolish them but to fulfill them" (Matthew 5:17).
12.According to the Somadeva (a Buddhist holy book), a Buddhist ascetic's eye once offended him, so he plucked it out and cast it away. (Ibid., p. 245)
*Jesus said: "If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out, and throw it away;" (Matthew 5:29).13."Buddha taught that the motive of all our actions should be pity or love of our neighbor." (Ibid., p. 249)
*Jesus taught: "...love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you" (Matthew 5:44).14.Buddha said: "Hide your good deeds, and confess before the world the sins you have committed." (Ibid., p.28)
*Jesus said: "Beware of practicing your piety before men to be seen by them;" (Matthew 6:1) and "Therefore confess your sins one to another, and pray one for another, that you may be healed..." (James 5:16).15.Both are said to have known the thoughts of others:
*"By directing his mind to the thoughts of others, [Buddha] can know the thoughts of all beings." (R. Spence Hardy, The Legends and Theories of the Buddhists Compared with History and Science (London, 1866), p. 181.)
*"But Jesus, knowing their thoughts, said: `Why do you think evil in your hearts?' " (Matthew 9:4).16.After "healing" a man born blind, Buddha said: "The disease of this man originates in his sinful actions in former times." (Prof. Max Muller, ed., Sacred Books of the East (Oxford: Clarendon Press, 1879--1910), vol. 21, p. 129f.)
*"As [Jesus] passed by, he saw a man blind from his birth. And his disciples said to him: `Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?' " (John 9:1--2).17.Both were itinerant preachers with a close group of trustees within a larger group of disciples. (James Hastings, ed., Encyclopedia of Religion and Ethics (New York: Edinburgh T. & T. Clark, 1918), vol. 6, p. 883; Matthew 26:20.)
18.Both demanded that their disciples renounce all worldly possessions. (Hardy, Monachism, p. 6; Luke 14:33.)
*"The number of the disciples rapidly increased, and Gautama sent forth his monks on missionary tours hither and thither, bidding them wander everywhere, preaching the doctrine, and teaching men to order their lives with self--restraint, simplicity, and charity." (Hastings, vol. 6, p.883)
*"And [Jesus] called to him the twelve [apostles], and began to send them out two by two.So they went out and preached that men should repent" (Mark 6:7, 12).19.Both had a disciple who "walked" on water:
*To convert skeptical villagers, Buddha showed them his disciple walking across a river without sinking. (Lillie, p. 140)
*"He said: `Come.' So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus, but when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out: `Lord, save me!' " (Matthew 14:29--30).20."One day Ananda, the disciple of Buddha, after a long walk in the country, meets with Matangi, a woman of the low caste of the Kandalas, near a well, and asks her for some water. She tells him what she is, and that she must not come near him. But he replies: `My sister, I ask not for your caste or your family, I ask only for a drought of water. She afterwards became a disciple of Buddha." (Muller, Science, p. 243)
*"There came a woman of Samaria to draw water. Jesus said to her: `Give me a drink.' For his disciples had gone away into the city to buy food. The Samaritan woman said to him: `How is it that you, a Jew, ask a drink of me, a woman of Samaria?' For Jews have no dealings with Samaritans" (John 4:7--9).21.Each repeated a question three times:
*"The Buddha next addressed the bhikkhus and requested them three times to ask him if they had any doubt or question that they wished clarified, but they all remained silent." (Encyclopedia Britannica (New York: William and Helen Benton, 1974), vol. 2, p. 373.)
*"[Jesus] said to him the third time: `Simon, son of John, do you love me?' Peter was grieved because he said to him the third time: `Do you love me?'" (John 21:17).22.Both received similar receptions:
*"The people swept the pathway, the gods strewed flowers on the pathway and branches of the coral tree, the men bore branches of all manner of trees, and the Bodhisattva Sumedha spread his garments in the mire, [and] men and gods shouted: `All hail.' " (Hardy, Legends, p.134)
*"And they brought the colt to Jesus, and threw their garments on it; and he sat on it. And many spread their garments on the road, and others spread leafy branches which they had cut from the fields" (Mark 11:7--8).23.Both had an archival:
*"[Buddha's] chief rival was Devadatta, a cousin of the Buddha, who is represented as being jealous of his influence and popularity, and as repeatedly seeking to compass his death." (Hastings, vol. 6, p.883)
*"While [Jesus] was still speaking, Judas came, one of the twelve, and with him a great crowd with swords and clubs, from the chief priests and the elders of the people. Now the betrayer had given them a sign, saying: `The one I shall kiss is the man; seize him!' And he came up to Jesus at once, and said: `Hail, Master!' And he kissed him" (Matthew 26:47--49).24.Before his death, Buddha said to his disciple: "Ananda, when I am gone, you must not think there is no Buddha; the discourses I have delivered, and the precepts I have enjoined, must be my successors, or representatives, and be to you as Buddha." (Hardy, Eastern Monachism (London, 1860), p. 230.)
*Before his "ascension," Jesus said to his disciples: "Go, therefore, and make disciples of all nations, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you; and, lo, I am with you always, to the close of the age" (Matthew 28:19--20).25.When Buddha died: "The coverings of [his] body unrolled themselves, and the lid of his coffin was opened by supernatural powers." (De Bunsen, p. 49.)
*When Jesus died: "And behold, there was a great earthquake; for an angel of the L--rd descended from heaven and came and rolled back the stone, and sat upon it" (Matthew 28:2).26."In the year 217 B.C. Buddhist missionaries were imprisoned for preaching; but an angel, genie or spirit came and opened the prison door, and liberated them." (Thomas Thornton, A History of China from the Earliest Records to the Treaty with Great Britain in 1842 (London, 1844), vol. 1, p. 341.)
*"They arrested the apostles and put them in the common prison. But at night an angel of the L--rd opened the prison doors and brought them out" (Acts 5:18--19).27.Both men's disciples are said to have been miracle workers. (Maria L. Child, The Progress of Religious Ideas Through Successive Ages (New York, 1855)vol. 1, p. 229, Acts 3:6--8.)
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Now for the comparisons between Krishan and Jesus1.Both were preceded by a "forerunner" born a short time before them (Maurice, Hindostan, vol. 2, p. 316; Luke 1:57.).
2.Each was born in a city away from home where his father was on tax business (H. H. Wilson, trans., The Vishnu Purana, A System of Hindoo Mythology and Tradition (London, 1840), book 5, chap. 3; Luke 2:1-7).
3.Krishna was born in a cave (Cox, vol. 2,p. 107).
Jesus was born in a stable (Luke 2:7). However, Quintus Tertullian (third century), St Jerome (fourth century), and other Church fathers claimed that Jesus, too, was born in a cave (Godfred Higgins, Anacalypsis: An Enquiry into the Origin of Languages, Nations and Religions (London, 1836), vol. 2, pp. 98-99).
Frederick W. Farrar, Nineteenth-Century Canon: That the actual place of Jesus' birth was a cave is a very ancient tradition, and this cave used to be shown as the scene of the event even so early as the time of Justin Martyr (A.D. 150) (Farrar, The Life of Christ (New York, 1876), p. 38).
4.In infancy, both Krishna and Jesus were sentenced to death by kings who viewed them as pretenders to the throne. Due to this threat:
Krishna's father was warned by a heavenly voice "to fly with the child to Gacool, across the river Jumna (Mons Dupuis, trans., The Origin of All Religious Worship (New Orleans, 1872), p. 134).
Jesus' father was warned in a dream, "...rise and take the child and his mother, and flee to Egypt..." (Matthew 2:13).
5.One of these kings then ordered "the massacre in all his states of all the children of the male sex during the night of the birth of Crishna" (J. Swain, Asiatic Researches, vol. 1, London, 1801. p. 259).
The other, Herod, "...sent and killed all the male children in Bethlehem, and in all that region, who were two years old or under..." (Matthew 2:16).
6.One of both Krishna and Jesus' first "miracles" performed as adults was the curing of a leper (Thomas Maurice, History of Hindostan (London, 1798), vol. 2, p. 319; Matthew 8:2-4).
7.Urged by Krishna to make a request, a man replied: " 'Above all things, I desire to have my two dead sons restored to life.' Immediately they were brought to life and came to their father" (Maria L. Child, The Progress of Religious Ideas through Successive Ages (New York, 1855), vol. 1, p. 68).
"While [Jesus] was thus speaking to them, behold, a ruler came in and knelt before him, saying: 'My daughter has just died; but come and lay your hand on her, and she will live....' But when the crowd had been put aside, he went in and took her by the hand, and the girl arose" (Matthew 9:18, 25).
8.Either a poor cripple or a lame woman came with "a vessel filled with spices, sweet scented oils, sandalwood, saffron, civet, and other perfumes, and made a certain sign on [Krishna's] forehead, casting the rest upon his head" (Maurice, Hindostan, vol. 2, p. 320).
"Now when Jesus was at Bethany in the house of Simon the leper, a woman came up to him with an alabaster box of very expensive ointment, and she poured it on his head, as he sat at the table" (Matthew 26:6-7).
9.Both washed the feet of their disciples (Maurice, Indian Antiquities (London, 1794), vol. 3, p. 46; John 13:5).
10.Both had a beloved disciple (Charles Wilkes, trans., The Bhagavat Gita, or Dialogues of Crishna and Arjoon, in Eighteen Lectures With Notes (London, 1785), p. 51; John 13:23).
11.Krishna said: "Let him, if seeking God by deep abstraction, abandon his possessions and his hopes, betake himself to some secluded spot, and fix his heart and thoughts on God alone" (Williams, Hinduism (London, 1877), p. 211).
Jesus said: "But when you pray, go into your room and close the door and pray to your Father who is in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you" (Matthew 6:6).
12.Krishna said: "I am the light in the sun and the moon, far, far beyond the darkness. I am the brilliancy in flame, the radiance in all that's radiant, and the light of lights" (Ibid., p. 213).
Jesus said: "I am the light of the world, he who follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life" (John 8:12).
13.Krishna said: "I am the sustainer of the world, its friend and Lord. I am its way and refuge" (Ibid., p. 213).
Jesus said: "I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father, but by me" (John 14:6).
14.Krishna said: "I am the Goodness of the good; I am Beginning, Middle, End, Eternal Time, the Birth, the Death of all" (Ibid., p. 213).
Jesus said: "Fear not, I am the first, and the last, and the living one; I died, and behold I am alive for evermore, and I have the keys of Death and Hell" (Revelations 1:17,18).
15.Both "descended" to hell (Swain, Vol. 1. P. 237; I Peter 3:9).
16.Both "ascended" to heaven before witnesses (Higgins., p. 131; Acts 1:9).
17.Both are said to have been God incarnate:
"Crishna is the very Supreme Brahma, though it be a mystery how the Supreme should assume the form of a man" (Wilson, p. 492).
"Great indeed, we confess, is the mystery of our religion; He manifested in the flesh..." (I Timothy 3:16).
18.Before death, Krishna was pierced with an arrows (Higgins, vol. 1, p. 144), and Jesus with a spear (John 19:34).
19.Both were crucified:
John P. Lundy, Nineteenth-Century Reverend: "I object to the crucifix because it is an image, and liable to gross abuse, just as the old Hindoo crucifix was an idol" (Lundy, p. 128).
Thomas Inman, Nineteenth Century Physician: "Crishna, whose history so closely resembles our Lord's, was also like him in his being crucified" (Inman, Ancient Faiths and Modern (London, 1868), p. 411).
20.When Krishna died, it is said that a black circle surrounded the moon, the sun was darkened at noon, the sky rained fire and ashes, and spirits were seen everywhere (Child, vol. 1, p. 71).
When Jesus died, the sun was darkened from the sixth to the ninth hour, graves were opened, and saints rose and entered the city (Matthew 27:45, 51-52).
21.Both were "resurrected" (Dupuis, p. 240; Matthew 28:6).
22."Krishna will return in the end days as an armed warrior, riding on a winged white horse. He will destroy the wicked then living. The sun and the moon will be darkened, the earth will tremble, and the stars will fall" (Chad ,vol. 1,p.75; Williams, Hinduism, p. 108).
"Immediately after the tribulation of those days [following Jesus' "return"] the sun will be darkened, and the moon will not give its light, and the stars will fall from heaven, and the powers of the heavens will be shaken" (Matthew 24:29).
---------------------------------------Just something to think about in regard to myths.
Dave
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ugg
welcome to the board....feel free to visit and write your heart out....
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Lin
Hello everyone, this is Linda Thoman again. I want to thank each and every one of you who have written to me since my recent post. I have received many emails, from many different people, and I really appreciate all of them. This has been a real tough time for me as you all know. I'm feeling better, the devastation I described has worn away. I've been encouraged by your comments, encouragement and support. Bill Bowen has also written to me, with a "homework assignment" which he feels will help me alot.
I now understand that there is no earthly "true religion", no building/church where only truth is taught. They are all right in some areas, and wrong in others. All I can do, all any of us can do, is read the Bible and search for answers with God's help. I feel compelled, as though I'm being literally pulled by the hand, to continue my research and find whatever answers are available to find. Whatever subjects of doctrine that I cannot prove to myself through my research, or help from others (you?), I will let rest until God chooses to enlighten me.
Something that seems very strange happened to me over the weekend, while I was in the midst of my emotional turmoil. I was talking on the phone with my very good friend (who is also to be my Maid Of Honor) about my research and the evidence I found about the NWT being altered etc. No one else was in the room, no one could possibly have heard me talking. Yet, when I got off the phone and went into the livingroom, there was a knock on the door. It was my fiance's father's girlfriend. She walked in the door, immediately came over to me and put a book under my nose for me to take. My stomach did summersaults when I saw the title. It was entitled, When God Speaks To You. I literally shook all over, and felt dizzy. It was a real, literal experience, and I can't get over how eery that seemed. There was no way that she could have heard me talking, she had just arrived! I still sit and shake my head at that, wondering......I took the book, but haven't looked at it yet, I'm not ready.
Where this research will lead me, I can't answer. Whether it will lead me to a church of some kind, of some denomination or a non-denominational one, I just don't know. I feel good listening to contemporary christian radio stations when I'm in my car. I've only recently been doing that, and some of the songs really hit me hard in the stomach. I also have several cd's of Cece & Bebe Winan that I really love to listen to. This may sound odd to some or most of you but, I feel like someone..........is trying to tell me something, but my head is so full of mucky-muck right now, I can't seem to hear clearly. After receiving so many emails from all of you, I suddenly felt as though a door was beginning to crack open. The door was only open slightly, but I could see there was a very bright light beaming through the crack. I feel like I'm on the verge of something scary, wonderful, liberating, and completely awesome. Yet, I'm very afraid too.
I'm trying very hard to focus on my wedding plans, rather than dwelling on my pain. I've also been playing alot on Ebay, finding wonderful stuff for our wedding. That is a great distraction, lemme tell ya! LOL I'm trying to keep my wits about me, and not feel like I'm drowning. Thank you everyone for all your encouragement and emails. I hope to keep in touch with many of you. Linda Thoman [email protected] and [email protected]
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Navigator
Linda-You are probably on "sensory overload" by now so I will simply say that a good reference work is "The Interpreter's One Volume Commentary On the Bible" edited by Charles M. Laymon. It is pretty expensive, but well worth it. I'm with those who have recommended looking "inward" rather than outward. If you are going to read the Bible, then the Book of John is a good place to start. I'm partial to the books by Joel Goldsmith. I guarantee that your belief structure will be quite different 5 years from now than it is today. With your attitude, you will continue to grow spiritually at a very high rate. Don't let anyone do your thinking for you! Truth lies in many places. All that the Holy Spirit requires is a little willingness and you have certainly demonstrated that. You will find, however, that the Holy Spirit is pretty sneaky in presenting the lessons you need to learn. Those you don't learn the first time get presented again...and again... and again. God Bless!
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Lin
I would like to share with everyone here the letter I've written to the minister of the non-denominational church I had attended for awhile. He had a real impact on me, and I'm sure he helped start me on this road I'm on. Here it is:
Dear Charles, August 21, 2002
Hi Charles, this is Linda Thoman. Ive thought about calling you and asking if we could get together and talk, but right now all I can do is write. You will understand why as you continue to read. First of all, I want to thank you for agreeing to perform our upcoming wedding next May. However, my fiance prefers to use the pastor he was raised with, so we will be using him instead. We will also be going through the counseling sessions with him that you had mentioned, so all is well with us.
I have another, bigger reason for wanting to write to you. Please bear with me, as this may become a lengthy letter. As you may recall, I was raised from birth as a Jehovahs Witness. My entire family, except for one brother living in Barcelona Spain, are all current witnesses. My father has been what I refer to as a head honcho for as long as I can remember. The term used is Presiding Overseer, quite similar to that of a Pastor. Most of my four other brothers are either Elders or Ministerial Servants, which would be likened to Deacons. All of my distant relatives, aunt, uncles, cousins, etc are all witnesses in various levels of the organization. I feel a little background is necessary for you to understand all that Im about to say.
From birth I was raised to believe various doctrines quite different than most churches today teach. I was raised to believe there is no Trinity, no Hellfire, no Immortality of the soul, no Heavenly hope when death comes, no celebration of Holidays or Birthdays, etc. Very different from most church teachings. I was raised with a Bible translated by the Witness organization called The New World Translation of the Holy Scriptures, and taught from birth that this translation is the only accurate rendering of ancient manuscripts. From birth I accepted what I was taught by my parents and within the organization/church, what child wouldnt? Any questions or doubts I had were always handled in a way that made clear that I was never to question or doubt anything that was taught to me. Any questions or doubts were passed aside with comments like, God will make it all clear in due time, etc. The tone used by even my father when I raised questions/doubts, were such that it silenced me. I quit asking questions since the results of asking were terrifying to me as a child and young girl. My father would become angry at me, and his tone made clear I was on the verge of being spanked or screamed at. I quit asking and simply accepted everything I was told or taught on face value. My thoughts became, If my parents believe this, who am I to question it, it must be correct and Im too young to understand what they understand.
I married at the age of seventeen to a converted witness. I remained married to him for fifteen years, with 14 of those years being physically abusive years. All during those years, I spent a great deal of time praying and crying, crying and praying. I begged God to help me and my husband. Help me to be the best wife possible, and for my husband to be the best husband possible, and for the abuse to stop. Well, the abuse continued, and I was always shocked by what I thought couldnt possibly be Gods answers to my prayers. With each and every prayer, the first thought that came to my mind was, Get a divorce. Witnesses only believe that divorce is acceptable to God if adultery is involved. Let me rephrase thatWitnesses teach that if anyone gets a divorce, there must be adultery involved if the one leaving ever hopes to remarry. There was no adultery in my marriage, so I always believed God would hate me if I ever left and would not bless me for leaving my marriage. Each time I prayed for answers, the thought/answer (?) that came to mind always baffled me. It made no sense to me that God would tell me it was ok to leave and get a divorce when I was taught otherwise all my life. I cant express with words how I felt inside when that thought would come into my mind. Confused, shocked, incredibly sad. I really thought that Satan was telling me to leave rather than God. And I felt horrible thinking that Satan was bothering me. So, for fifteen years, I endured the abuse but always continued to pray for help and/or release.
One day I found myself sitting on the floor of a closet in our home crying hysterically. Much like a mad woman, totally insane. I dont know how long I was in the closet, but I made myself physically sick with all the hysterical crying, barely able to breathe. I prayed like never before, and I again got the same answer or thought, Get a divorce. I talked many times, over many years, to the Elders in each of the congregations we attended and they would come to the house and tell my husband that he should this or that, blah blah blah. They would threaten to excommunicate him, or Disfellowship him, which is the term used with the witnesses. That went on for all the years we were married. Finally, the day came when I could take no more. I had bought some things my children needed, socks and underwear, on sale. When I got home with these items, my husband hit the roof for not asking him if I could buy them, and was ordered to return them to the store immediately. I was then literally pulled to the front door and pushed out with the order that I couldnt come back in until they were returned and I handed him the return receipt. The humiliation I felt is indescribable. While on my way to the store I had a momentary thought that if I sped through the very busy intersection I was approaching, my pain would end. But, my thoughts immediately changed to the faces of my young children who needed to be saved before he began to hurt them too.
I began a six month saving program to come up with the money I would need for an attorney to get my divorce. I was not given any support or encouragement from my parents or family. I knew I would have to do it on my own. When I had enough money for the attorney, I informed my husband and kicked him out of the house. I informed the Elders in my congregation I was getting a divorce, and they rushed to my house to tell me God would not approve and wouldnt bless me, and would be without God. When I got my divorce, I moved to Dallas (all my family lives here) with my children. I had prearranged for a little house to rent, and had prearranged to get work through an agency once I got into town. When I walked out of the courtroom for my divorce, I felt a tremendous sense of freedom and safety. Yet in the back of my mind, the Elders words kept replaying in my mind. I moved to Dallas with the thought that if God now hated me for getting divorced, than I didnt need Him. I thought, I dont need a God who would expect me to stay in that horrid situation, and would not bless me or be with me from then on. I also thought, I dont need a God whose earthly organization virtually condones spousal abuse, child abuse, child molestations and rapes with no action being taken against the perpetrators but quickly disfellowship those who make accusations against another for molesting them, etc. I too was molested as a young girl, and was not believed. No action of any kind was taken, and the police were not notified. I was what is now known as a Silentlamb (www.silentlambs.org) That is a very long story, which I wont get into now, but will stick to the subject at hand.
I had already begun having serious misgivings about the religion I was raised in. My questions were hushed, I was intimidated to blindly accept everything heard, and I lived with the real fear of being excommunicated. Being excommunicated within the organization of Jehovahs Witnesses is very much like a death sentence. Once you are disfellowshipped, none of the people youve known, were friends with, even your own family, consider you literally dead. No one will speak to you ever again, even your own mother, father, family and friends. It is a real fear amongst witnesses, a strong reason why many remain in the organization even when they have questions or doubts.
I was not disfellowshipped for getting my divorce. Shortly after arriving in Dallas with my children, I quit attending the meetings. I then wrote a letter to the Elders in the congregation I was supposed to attend, informing them I no longer wanted to be considered a Witness. It took me two and a half years to finally write that letter, as I knew the consequences and resulting impact on my family relations. Once my letter was received, an announcement was given later that week informing the congregation and my family that I had been disfellowhipped for conduct unbecoming a christian. I actually celebrated the day it was announced. I felt more freedom than when I left divorce court.
For the first few years after my divorce, I continued with the belief that God must hate me now. I didnt pray, didnt attend any church, I really had no use for any of it, and would become upset when anyone would begin discussing anything religiously natured. I didnt want to hear it. Heres the twist:
One day I decided to visit R.E., after several people that are patients at my office invited me to visit. I had occasionally visited various churches for the last few years, but to be honest, my reasons for going were not what they should have been. I went to hear the choirs. But Charles, when I visited R.E., something happened. You happened. You spoke to me, told me that the church was working towards becoming a non-denominational church, and you welcomed me. You didnt treat me like just another body in the church. You actually talked to ME. You have the kind of speaking ability I need for my mind not to wonder. You kept me interested in what you were saying. You kept me attending R.E. I didnt attend as regularly as perhaps I should have, because I was afraid. Afraid that I would again find myself under the control of others beliefs, opinions turned into doctrine, and rules of shoulds and should nots, can and cannots, rather than allowing for personal conscience. Then you were let go. I was so sad.
In recent months, Ive begun to research the beliefs I was raised with. Ive been a supporter of Silentlambs, and have begun to research the witnesses, their origin, beliefs, etc. Just last weekend, my research brought me to discover with proof that I had been taught a lie all my life about Diety. I discovered proof that the witnesses had tampered with, and altered the Bible they translated to cause us to believe there is no Trinity. Literally speaking, I was devastated at my findings. In all my life, Ive never cried as much as I did last weekend. I belong to several internet discussion groups for ex-witnesses. I posted a message about my findings, my devastation and sadness, my feeling of being broken like shattered glass. I couldnt think about anything else. I had been taught wrong all my life, and here I am 42 now.
Something seemingly strange happened as well. I had gone for a very long drive, crying throughout, and when I returned home someone knocked on the door. It was the friend of my fiances father. She didnt even say hello, just walked in and put a book under my nose. It was the title of the book that shook me to the core. It was entitled, When God Speaks To You. This woman had no way of knowing what I was going through. She was not there when I talked on the phone with my best friend about it all. No one, including my fianc, was at that time even aware of what was going on. But here this woman walks in with this book, with that title. To say it felt eery is an understatement. I felt my insides somersault, I felt my bones shake. The look of shock on my face must have shown clearly, since she told me she would hold onto the book until I was ready. Oh mywhat that did to me.
Ive been praying ever since, with a completely different experience than ever before. I actually know that Im being heard. Whether any of the things that have been happening to me are coincidence I really dont know. Its not for me to say. This morning on my way to work, I was thinking how nice it would be to hear I Surrender All on the radio station I have begun to listen to. Charles, the very next song was I Surrender All. I hadnt said a formal prayer about it, I had simply had the thought, How nice it would be to hear that song. Coincidence again? I dont know. But, this type of thing has been happening lately. I cant explain it, Ive never experienced this before. Is it God speaking to me? I dont know, but I can find no other reasonable explanation. Of course, my upbringing makes me want reasonable explanations to everything, and not simply accept good things as they are and from where they come.
Ive received numerous emails from total strangers from my post on the groups I mentioned, from total strangers. Very comforting, encouraging, telling me Im on my way to truth. Im continuing my research into what is true and what is not, at least what things I can prove to myself. The rest I will leave alone and wait on God to show me in His due time. I have so many subjects to research. Ive been working on Trinity. Wow!!! Next will be the subject of going to Heaven when we die/Being Saved. That is so far from what I was taught, its amazing. One subject at a time, until Ive gotten my fill of every detail I can find.
My mind continues to race, it hasnt settled down yet. But, I also feel a sense of beginning. Like a door is cracking open and there is a bright light beaming through the crack, if only I can get the door open. The other day I was describing the devastation I felt over the weekend, the incident with the book being handed to me, and the somewhat sense of calm thats beginning to come over me. I described that I feel like a child who fell down on the playground, with her knees cut and bleeding, crying and afraid. Only to feel someone taking her hand, kissing her boo-boo, brushing her off as she stands, and patted gently on the back while being told Its going to be alright, go on and play now. Even remembering that to write it to you gives me shivers.
I wanted to tell you this because I wanted you to know that regardless of whether you serve at R.E, or some other place, or ever again, that you had a real impact on my life. Im grateful for your speaking ability, and I hope your prayers are answered soon for you to be shown a new church home to preach. God has given you a tremendous ability of speaking, that it would be a real shame for others not to have you as their preacher. God bless you Charles, youve helped me even though you were not aware of it.
Sincerely,
Linda Thoman