How do you manage to keep JW friendships after you left the organization?

by Bonsai 44 Replies latest jw friends

  • Bonsai
    Bonsai

    It seems incredibly difficult. Those who leave the org. (or fade) no longer have anything in common with Jehovah's Witnesses, nor do they want to stick around to get radiated by the fear and guilt that saturates every aspect of a witnesses' life.

    I've lost all but one of my JW friends quite simply because I can no longer condone the evil things that they condone. Even if I could, we no longer have anything in common. I have one last friendship hanging by a thread. How can I keep it? How have you managed to keep your friendships if at all?

  • TTATT_Paladin
    TTATT_Paladin
    When the smoke cleared, the couple actual friends who were still around were individuals who "grew up in the truth" but who experienced first-hand some of the hypocrisy of the organization (disfellowshipping). Even if they don't know TTATT, we at least agree that the organization has problems.
  • confuzzlediam
    confuzzlediam

    I was disfellowshipped 5 1/2 years ago. All but one of my JW "friends" stopped talking to me. The one who would still talk to me and get together with me was a family member on my soon to be x husband's side. Even then, we don't talk very often. She and her daughter are on my facebook, but I privately message them if I have something to say about their post, because I don't want them to get into trouble from family and from the org for still having anything to do with me. I know that my friendship with her will never be what it was, but I can live with that. We don't talk about religion, with the exception of when I tell her she just needs to come over to the dark side with me and get disfellowshipped!! LOL I know that she has a LOT of issues with how those in the congregation act, she sees the hypocrisy, but she still believes in the core beliefs and is unwilling to look into the false teachings that she holds as truth.

    It makes me very sad for her because she has no friends in the "truth". Her only friends were myself and my x-SIL and we are both disfellowshipped. When her youngest daughter (who is active and married another JW) got married a few months ago, very few attended the bridal shower or her wedding and it broke her heart. If my x-SIL and myself were still in, we would have done all of the planning and helped with both the shower and the wedding.

    I don't know what to tell you to do to keep your last JW friendship. Maybe hanging by a thread, as I am with my friend, is the only way you will be able to keep them. I'm ok with it...for the most part. I would be heartbroken if what we have left would come to an end. SO I take what I can get from her and hope that one day she will see the org for what it is and leave. Until then...it is what it is and I'm ok with it.

  • WasOnceBlind
    WasOnceBlind
    I never really had super "spiritual" friends so that helps. All but three of my friends who were JW's are still JW's. One of them is my best friend and I never stopped talking to him or hanging out and he has never stopped talking to me now that I have been inactive. Of the other two one surprised me because he is now a MS (growing up I thought for sure he would be out at 18) we don't hang out or even talk anymore, if we see each other we say hi and small talk but that's it. The third one I still talk to online once in a while but never hang out either, doesn't help her dad is the CO. All my other friends who were JW's are out, so we still talk and hang out sometimes.
  • OUTLAW
    OUTLAW

    How do you manage to keep JW friendships after you left the organization?

    .Image result for generally speaking

    ............Image result for general saluting

    ..........................YOU DON`T..

  • millie210
    millie210

    The super spiritual ones dont talk to me except to hug me or "counsel me". This includes my extended family sadly.

    My less spiritual minded friends are cool with it and dont act any differently.

    I own a business and almost all my employees are JW and they are all fine. As a matter of fact I have had two contact me about being hired this week.

    I am not Dfd. I just stopped going. So that may be a big part of it.

    I fully support them in their JWism, after all I was one my entire life and would still be if I hadnt been exposed to a mess made by elders that I took objection to.

    My goal is to reverse witness. I do this by living a happy life and letting them see that leaving doesnt "ruin" life, instead it makes it better.

    That is the positive side.

    On the other side....

    I miss my family. A lot.

    I cry over that loss. A little.

    What makes me cry a "little" instead of a "lot" is I am channeling it. I have a deep and determined goal to extricate people.

    I like what Ray Franz said in his book C of C....this is not who they would be if not for the greater wrong (what they have been trained to think)

    I am paraphrasing but you get the idea.

  • Bonsai
    Bonsai

    LOL Outlaw! So I'm learning. My last and best friend who is in just exploded at me when I showed him the article of an African woman who died after refusing a blood transfusion. She left behind nine children. He attacked the writer of the articles motive and he lashed out at me for sharing with him the article. I don't think our friendship is going to survive this latest salvo.

    It's so hard to not burn bridges with these people...

  • Londo111
    Londo111

    I'm only faded, but I've lost all the "friends" I had. Not that I had an extensive social circle before. I was never in the popular circles among JWs to begin with.

    When I do run into JWs, whatever limited contact I might have, it is very awkward. I find myself limiting my association with them to avoid the psychodrama. 1 Cor 15:33.

  • flipper
    flipper

    BONSAI- I haven't kept ANY of my JW former friends. They have been told so many rumors about me without even verifying anything with me- that they stay away from me out of fear. Who needs conditional friends like that who are going to judge you without even giving you a chance to explain yourself ? I sure don't.

    My real friends , ex-Witnesses and non-JW's accept me and understand me for who and what I am as a real human being who accepts and loves other people and not a JW who is instructed to hate. My older 88 year old JW mom is about the ONLY JW who accepts me for who I am without judgment. She's respectful of my beliefs and does not condemn me for exiting the Witnesses. She knows I had good reasons for leaving almost 12 years ago. We still have a great relationship.

    My advice to you is pursue relationships with people who are going to accept you for who you are and what you believe without judgment- if that means letting go of your JW friends- then that may be what you have to do in order to have more peace of mind in your life. I know I have much more peace of mind without judgmental people running around me calling me up constantly telling me how deficient I am. My 2 cents

  • konceptual99
    konceptual99

    This was posted on an instagram account that is run by a JW locally

    https://instagram.com/p/4PcLxeH4iV/?taken-by=stefleck_djmmx5_jw

    It was as much as I could to not blow my cover and post a tirade about this being bollocks when talking about anyone who goes from being a Witness in "good standing" to one who has faded, no longer attends or is otherwise considered no longer in "good standing".

    The irony of this statement is completely lost on the fawning commentators posting their crap about the org and true friendship.

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