by Virgochik 32 Replies latest watchtower beliefs
My mum wants me back in the cult and drops hints. It makes me angry that she just doesn't get it. I'm a big boy now, an atheist and not going back.
I tend to just say, 'Oh, Motherrrrrrrrrrrrrr!' I leave it at that.
I would just ignore it. Your Mum thinks she's doing you a service. Bless her heart.
Save the book and in a few years time you can sell it on ebay.
Hi Scully, firstly, I'm surprised that you still get wound up after all these years - just let it go!
Be grateful that you've had a broader view of life taught to you, but you matured, became a decisive person, and chose your own road in life. Thank your parents for that, and thank God that you are able to use your mental faculties to reason for yourself, unlike your mother and 8m others in her chosen religion.
Pointing out any/all of the evils of the Org to your mother - at her age - would only be detrimental to her physical/emotional/spiritual well-being. Let her end her life with some dignity, peace of mind, and your unconditional love, and leave everything else to the one you both believe in.
I wonder if a bit of you is a bit like me. I have some resentment that my parent was daft enough/self absorbed enough to become a witness. That God was going to bail them out and let them see all their dead loved ones and live forever.
And so as a kid I got swept along ...
Only it took me 40 more years to realise it was all a load of nonsense. And I feel daft too.
Oh wow ! ! ! ! Same exact boat. Same exact boat...... im soooo faking it , to pacify my elderly father.....
Anything to put a smile on the old mans face, cuz the religion never will. Try to see it that way if you can.
Hi VirgoChk... are you your Mom's Power of Attorney? If this has not been setup yet, I suggest you get it done.
You and I are close in age. I used to tell my folks things like "You don't have to worry. Jehovah knows what's on my heart" or "Jehovah reads my heart so not to worry." I am lucky as I never got baptized so my parents had the technicality that I wasn't really a JW. They could still associate with me. If you were baptized you definitely have to tread lightly. Does your Mom believe that all non-JWs are going to be destroyed at Armageddon? I found my folks used to waffle on this. They knew that there were good non-JWs in the world, especially those who put their lives on the line protecting, healing, educating, and feeding others.
I like Daniel's suggestion as well. It was very difficult at times but I had to ensure that I showed my parents unconditional love. I also tried to live my life as a good person; to be an example of a non-JW who wasn't evil. I find JW's are actually very afraid especially for their loved ones not in the religion. I think it's our job to reassure them that all is well and not to worry. I would also ask questions that weren't directly pointed at the religion. Since you are close to my age, sounds like you, too, have experienced the failure of Armageddon to arrive 'soon' for your entire life. If my folks pushed their agenda I would ask what their definition of the word 'soon' is. I would say "If I told you I was coming to your house 'soon', and 50 years passed and I never showed up, would you still think I was coming 'soon'? I liked to ask them questions that would get them thinking logically.
So any discussions I would have with my parents I tried not to badmouth the religion, but rather point to specific issues I saw especially Biblical ones. For example, I had a discussion with my Dad about Abraham Sarah and Hagar and how wrong it was for God to sanction this. He and I were on the same page about that story. Try to find some common ground that affirms both of your beliefs (like helping the less fortunate for example) and then ask how she has done that lately? Perhaps give her examples of what you are doing.
Again, my goal was always to:
a) Show unconditional love. Treat your Mom with respect. Make her feel good. Compliment her on things. Keep the mood positive.
b) Remain Calm. Do not react negatively or get angry when they got emotionally abusive (this is very difficult to do at first but it can be done. You need to practice. Maybe get your husband to help you with actual scenarios).
c) Listen to what they are saying and point out, nicely, any logical fallacy. Never directly badmouth the religion.
I'm exactly the same with my mum. She's 85 now and I know she will never change. We though have come to an unspoken truce of not really talking about it anymore. We talk about everything else except this. I have to really bite my tongue a lot, it's very hard for me mentally. We had a lot of arguments in the past, we would both get upset and then not speak for weeks. I visit her every day, and I hate the fact that she will die still believing that one day she will wake up in a paradise.
I hope things get easier for you.
VC you have a pm.
Heaven makes some excellent tips on what to do.
If you must say something, tell her that she knows that there are real problems in the WTS (JWs know that, that's why they have the reply "the are imperfect men) and that you're just waiting on Jehovah to help them get it all right.
Doc
I think I understand why it bothers the OP so much. She isn't seen by her mom for who she is. She has to hide who she is. Everything revolves around keeping her mom happy in this way so that they can have a relationship. If you can't be you when having a relationship, what kind of relationship is it really? One based on lies?
I hate how JW's act like the world revolves around them. They can push their beliefs on you, but you can't say anything. If your life apart from them goes well, it is just because Satan transforms himself into an angel of light and is blessing you to keep you out there in his wicked world. If it goes badly, see what happens when you turn away from Jehovah and go into Satan's world? They've got all of the bases covered and you have to play their game in order to make any relationships work. So I don't really have any advice other than to stick it out since you've played that game this long, I guess.
Virgochik,
My advice:
Love your mother.
Forgive her for her mistakes and stop letting her religion be the focal point of your relationship with her.
Love your mother.
Be patient. Be kind. Allow her to express herself and do not take away her trust in the Watchtower. At this late date in her life she needs to believe.
Put her before yourself.
Frank
