It came in today's mail

Virgochik

It came today, the dreaded envelope containing my personal copy of "Return To Jehovah" from my elderly, desperate mother. It included a small note asking me to read it over and to let her know what I think. She got it at her assembly.

Firstly, I'm angry that she continues to push her religion on me, given that I stopped attending meetings over thirty years ago, and very offended that she assumes that I still want to be a Witness, which is HER choice of religion, not mine. I've shared with her how close my relationship is with Jesus, which I never had before, and that I hope to go to heaven. She ignores anything I have to say, and goes back to "you need to come back to meetings, you'll see how wonderful the Paradise earth will be." I said I want to be with Jesus in heaven-

I'm stressed. What do I do next? To me, it seems like I can either:

A) Ignore the envelope, like so many others before it, and act like nothing happened. Then she keeps sending me more.

B) Kindly tell her to respect that I'm an adult woman and I've got my own beliefs, have a heavenly hope, how miserable I was at the meetings, to the point of panic attacks and anorexia, and there's not a snowball's chance I want to go through that again, how they've become like Pharisees, adding to the things written, doctrinal flip flops, the blasphemous Gibbering Blobby and how I believe Jesus wouldn't even recognize them as his followers. If Jehovah's blessing ever was with them, I believe he's removed it. I could go on and on about the back stabbing, politics and malicious gossip I saw as a child in the congregations. If I take this route, I will stand up for myself and force her to see me as an adult in her mid-50's. I'd probably lose my mom forever too, as she might shun me. She's quite elderly and I'm her only fleshly child. My husband suggested returning the envelope back to her. This would break her heart and she's in poor health. I don't want to kill my mother.

Can anyone see something I can't, since I'm flustered, as to how to get her to quit mailing piles of JW materials, without tipping her off and getting shunned? In spite of my bitterness at how I was raised, I do care about her and feel a responsibility towards her; she's a little old widow lady now.

If I ignore her stuff, will she be told to cut off ties with me? Is this it?

PS, could someone please tell me how to reply to posts? I want to reply sometimes, but couldn't figure out how.

Many thanks!

Scully

Ask her how she would feel and what she would do if you started "sharing" with her any literature, websites, etc. that describe your beliefs.

You already know the answer to this. She has been instructed to not even open such material. In to the trash it goes!

You also know her motivation: She's hoping against all evidence to the contrary, that you might somehow be swayed to return to the JWs. She wants this for you because she loves you and wants you to be spared at Armageddon™ so you can Live Forever In Paradise On Earth™.

However, by asking her how she would feel if you did the same sort of thing to her, you can open a conversation about how disrespected you feel when she does this. She knows your position, and yet continues to disregard your feelings of being disrespected and offence by sending you JW literature.

You could say something like, "Mom, I love you very much, and I respect your beliefs enough to resist the impulse to try to change your beliefs or even try to talk to you about what I believe. I know what the Witnesses teach - you taught me very well - and I would appreciate it if you would respect my informed decision and not try to change my mind about this. We can talk about anything else you like, and I would prefer to keep our relationship without the strain that discussions about religion create for both of us."

PS - to reply to a post, simply scroll down to the bottom of the page to the box under the words "Have your say ... " and type your response. Click on the Post Reply button and you're done.

FusionTheism

If you truly think your Mom's health would be at risk, or your relationship would be ended, I don't see the urgency here for why you need to confront your Mom?

Why not just throw away the literature just like you do with junk mail or unwanted magazines or flyers or spam email?

Whenever you speak to your Mother, discuss anything besides religion. Redirect the conversation to family life, tv shows, movies, books, politics, world events, news, jokes, games, entertainment, gossip, music, work, exercise, health... Whatever you would talk about with a Non-JW friend.

I see no reason to confront an elderly person and tell them their religion is wrong or tell them to stop sharing things with you.

I would just view it like relatives who give you gifts at the holidays that you don't really like, and will exchange later, but you're still polite and kind to the gift-giver.

FayeDunaway

I would keep it very very simple, considering you don't want to break your elderly mothers heart. Tell her you appreciate her efforts but you are happier than you've ever been and will not be making any changes and you love her very much.

Oubliette

I take it you're not DF'd or DA'd, just faded, ... 30 years = an extremely long fade.

Why does this irk you so? You need to get to that.

Suggestion: Say, "Thanks mom!" and ignore it.

Invite her to lunch or dinner and talk about other things. Every time she brings up "all things JW," simply say, "That's nice," and change the subject.

Take control of the frame and stop letting your mum's religion get to you.

It only controls you if you let it.

poopie

God said honer your mother and father acept all her matirial you dont have to read it if she ask just tell her the truth you have not read

It end of discussion love you mom

poopie

Im helping a df person in dealing with there witness parents show love to your parents no matter what you will never regret it.

poopie

Man says hste your enemies Jesus says love them.

Daniel1555

Just send her a short letter, assuring her how fine and happy you are, that you love her unconditionally no matter the different religious views and feelings you both have.

I also got letters like that. Usually I write something like that:

"I have a close relationship to my heavenly father and I am happy to be able to have faith and live according to my conscience. I can't follow any longer the Watchtowers rules (for example shunning, blood, child abuse), as they are going directly against my conscience.

I wish that you find a lot of joy, love and satisfaction in your personal faith and relationship to god. Be assured that I love and respect you unconditionally."

I am sure this is much better than to write a long controversial letter.

You can't change the faith of your mother, only she can when she is ready.

smiddy

I hear what you are saying , and I feel your frustration .However ,

You say your mother is elderly ,O.K., then accept after all these years she isn`t going to change now.She is happy.

And obviously you are not going to change either ,being out for 30 years , and you are happy .

You do not have to be confrontational with your mother .She is free to believe what she wants to , as you are.

You say she is elderly , and you know she is in a cult religion ,and apparently beyond changing her beliefs ,so just let her be. Don`t rock the boat.

And as far as your mother sending W.T.literature to you trying to encourage you to go back to the religion , so what ? you don`t have to act upon it , you can always use theocratic warfare and just string her along as the WT does with there members .

I don`t mean to be unkind but I think you just need to chill out , and not take your mothers love/concern for you as a personal attack on you .

Thank your mother for her concern and you will give it more thought , and you can keep that line up endlessly .

You do not have to have a showdown especially if she is well advanced in age , and believe me you would be the one to regret it if she died in the midst of it.

Just saying

smiddy

It came in today's mail

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