OK, hypocrite here. I've done my fair share of revenge in my life. Usually it involved a punch to the mouth though, a one on one type of thing. Still that isn't something I'd reccomend though, but it felt very good.
Hating your old friend is fine. Hurting her mom isn't and I think you are blind to that. You have addressed that and say screw her because she's breaking the rules anyway. That doesn't make you much different that many of those backstabbing JW's you despise so much.
But you are moving forward with this or have already moved foward. I won't say another negative thing on this subject. Let us know how it went for you. Personally I don't think much will happen to mom or daughter on this one. If nothing happens how angry are you going to be?
I'm wondering why you got disfellowshipped in the first place?
The WT 'rule' is that marrying 'out of the truth' is not adviseable and not to be encouraged, someone who is insistent in this course could (and probably would) be 'marked'. This as you all know I am sure entails fellow believers cutting off social contact with the marked one, but still having to treat them as a brother within the confines of the organization. (Tricky idea)
The only legitimate reason to be disfellowshipped would be if you had been having sex with this person outside marriage and had confesssed as much. Without you confessing the elders are obliged to 'err on the side of mercy' as it is only another person's word against yours. If they don't, they are at fault, not you. I know this as a fact and from first hand experience, and it seems as if your disfellowshipping was wrong initially. That's what you should be questioning.
I've been "in the truth" for a looooog time and i have seen a lot. I have noticed that whether u get DF or not or shunned or not-DEPENDS ON WHO U ARE. JW will stand by some people and others will throw to the wolves. many times it has to with position and money. I have seen people reinstated and treated terribly and never even given a chance. I have seen people screw up big times and several times and still happily be welcomed back. Who in the world knows? When i was DF my mom never agreed with JW plicy and didn't shun me. I never shunned my sons. I think on some things it is better to follow your natuarl instincts-they will change the policy at some point anyhow.
I'm sorry your mom is shunning you. I know u want it to be equal for all. But it's not. some get away with all kinds of stuff. They will probably tell u to mind your own business and the matter has been dealt with. I can almost guantree that. Try not to waste too much time being bitter. And beleive me i speak form experience.
I once wanted revenge so bad i endured a year of DF so i could get reinstated and in the good graces of everyone. Only then was i able to extract some revenge. But it "ate me up" and it will u too.