ladies/gentlemen..Give me your take on this

by Monster 25 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Mimilly

  James - The most important facet of this is that you know someone is suicidal. When someone is suicidal - you MUST get them to help. I don't care if you have to trick her to do it. I read red flags of considerable warning in your letter. She needs more help than you can give her. I've been where she's at, and I do not think for a second that she will not kill herself.

  She needs to be in a place where she is safe enough to open the floodgates that are drowning her within. She is severely depressed and I'm glad she has you. You may be the only anchor she has to staying 'here'. Before she can deal with rape issues and self esteem issues, she needs to want to live. And yes, I'm completely suggesting that she go into the emergency at the hospital to talk with the nurses and doctors and very possibly - ideally - admittance to a psych ward.

  I had to put myself in the hospital. Actually, others took me, but I shook my head 'yes'. I spent three months in there. I 'had' to live because I had two young girls at home - the anchor to life 'here'. While I didn't have friends or family I could really turn to, I couldn't leave my girls motherless. And that was at a primal level because I had stopped talking - and was suicidal.

  Your cousin doesn't seem to have an 'anchor'. She's not going to want to get help, and she's not going to like going to the hospital - but when it comes down to it James, you keep reminding her that you will remain by her through it all and if you have to - call the cops.

  If she really is determined to take her life - no one can stop her. However I truly believe from what you wrote that she is not unreachable. Instead of reading books - start calling hospitals and police to see what can be done. You are talking about a life here. If she says you lied to her about your word - you say no, i did not - I care about you and I'm going to see you through this. These people will help you, and I'll be there for you.

  James - you seem to be a very caring man and her life right now - is in your hands. If you try to get her help and she kills herself - you did everything you could.

  She's suicidal and severely depressed. Call the hospitals James. Please.

  love Salem
• 

  Mimilly

  Oh.. James.. regarding my email -

  [email protected]

  or

  [email protected]
• 

  Monster

  Well Mimilly you did warn me that sometimes people don't like the answers. You are real and to the point. I know in my heart what you are saying is true about getting her the help in spite of my word to her. I just needed someone to push me. I am going to betray some one I love for her life. If she does hate me because of it, I hope it will be a long hateful life.

  (((((((((Mimilly))))))) much love.

  Peace james.

  Ps I wil try the second email I will send a test letter.
• 

  Mimilly

  James hon - you would be betraying her life if you didn't do something. She would do the same thing if you were in her place (suicidal) and she was trying to help. Just remember that she is not thinking clearly now and the last thing a depressed person wants is the stigma of being on a psych ward. In actuality, the people who seek help are the strong and courageous ones. Some need a big push to get there. I'm really glad she has you.

  Keep in touch James. You're in my thoughts.

  hugs,

  Salem
• 

  joannadandy

  I was raped, but not by a JW boy, tho I was 16 and an active Jdub at the time. Going to the elders never even crossed my mind, I guess because of who did it. I was in too much of a state of shock to believe what had happened to me. I didn't know who to tell. I felt like I couldn't tell my parents because it happened at a party I wasn't supposed to be at. I didn't want to tell my friends because they knew the guy, and I didn't even consider going to the police because I figured it would be his word against mine and I would rather not deal with the fact that most likely he would walk, meanwhile everyone would know what had happened to me. I did tell the guy I was dating at the time. I guess I wanted to tell someone and felt he would be the most understanding. He told me it was my fault. That silenced me for good. I no longer even thought about who to tell. I wouldn't tell anyone.

  To this day, I have only told two guys I have dated, and even then it was because they directly asked me if I had ever been raped. Otherwise I probably never would have told anyone. My family still doesn't know. And none of my close friends know either. I did write a story once (posted it here too, by the by) and let a girl I went to college with read it. She wanted to publish it as part of a survivors of sexual assault collection, but in the end I decided not to submit it. I guess writing was my way of acknowledging it, and dealing with it. It doesn't bother me to talk about it, I just prefer to not share that information about my life with people I know personally, I feel like they pity me, or feel they should deal with me differently. And I don't like that. I also feel it really isn't their business to know. I'm not even sure why I opened up here today, tho the story is posted on this board, it is pretty vauge. This is perhaps the most specific I have been with such a wide audience. Guess it was time to share...

  Edited because I can't spell

  Edited by - joannadandy on 7 August 2002 19:15:42
• 

  Mimilly

  Joannadandy - hugs sweety - and absolutly no pity in those hugs. I know well of what you speak. Just because someone discloses info of that sort, does not mean they need the sympathy response. Sometimes though - just sometimes, I think perhaps it is we who interpret it as pity instead of the validation their responses are meant to be. Validation is good; pity is not.

  Everyone is an individual, hence, each person responds/reacts differently, according to their personality, needs and self esteem. Not everyone needs to share forever and ever amen, if you know what I mean. For others, the more they talk, the more the jigsaw is figured out.

  I talk about it now, because I found I remained quiet due to the whole 'not wanting the pity thing' (which no one needs btw) or to have 'victim' branded on my forehead. (oh gawd, she was on a psych ward - she's nuts! Ah f--k em! It takes strength of a special kind to be honest about what happened and work to respond to life as normal as possible.) People who choose denial are among the least emotionally healthy. This crap finds it's way out, so those in denial will either be self-distructive or project their problems onto others.

  So many have gone through it, and it is in sharing that the healing goes round. If others had not shared, I wouldn't have learned from them - that sort of thing. You have to do what is right for you, and only you know exactly what you need. Just be careful not to take other's well meant hugs etc as pity.

  If anything - surviving the whole thing physically and emotionally is of the highest accomplishment.

  I'm glad you have your writings. My voice was in poetry, sketching, lyrics and piano. You have an outlet, and that's excellent. I'm really glad you posted here Joannadandy. Really!

  huge hugs to you -

  Mimilly

  edited cos tonight I can't spell either

  Edited by - Mimilly on 7 August 2002 21:2:47