Update: My Uncle's funeral

Fire Dragon

Well my friends....my REAL friends...the funeral is over. I can count 5 witnesses...only 5, that offered ANY sort of comfort to me. Those are the ones that I know really love(d) me. My parents put on a good show for the worldly family. Once the day was over they returned to their evil shunning ways. As my mom was getting into her car to go home, I asked her when I'd be invited for dinner. She said, "See you at the KH." I asked my dad the same question as he was leaving to go home and he said, "You know I can't...(a worldly relative walks up)...well, you know the story." He couldn't even finish his original sentence of 'you know I CAN'T do that.' I know that he can and just WON'T.

Also, my mom said that she loved me and I replied that actions speak louder than words. I told her that I'd see her whenever someone died again. We ended up getting into a big argument about the Christian quality of love. She said that everybody loved me but just couldn't show it. I said, 'No, those that comfort you in your time of sorrow are the ones that love you. And they are the ones that know the meaning of what it is to be a Christian. I know who REALLY loves me now.' We discussed the UN and the origin of the WTS. She said I didn't know all the facts. I told her that she was the one that didn't know them because she refused to look outside WTS literature to do research.

Earlier my dad had pulled me aside and told me that I shouldn't be around any of the witnesses that came to my aunt's (not a JW) house after the funeral. I said, "Are you asking me to leave?" He said that no, he just didn't want me to be in the same room with the witnesses because I might "make someone uncomfortable." (Mind you they were in every room.) He was distracted for a moment and I took that opportunity to walk out on him. I got in my car to go home. My aunt came up to me and asked why I was leaving. Thru choked words and tears I told her that I had to go. She asked why and I told her because I'm not a witness anymore and I told her what my dad had said. She asked me to stay and said, "This is MY house and if they're uncomfortable then THEY can leave!" (100 Cool Points for my aunt. ) That was the highlight of my day and I stayed until everyone of the JWs left and then some...until almost 9pm.

I know now that I do have family that loves me and I am welcome in their home....regardless of my "parents". All in all it went as expected. I don't have a relationship with my parents anymore as far as I'm concerned.

Edited by - Fire Dragon on 29 July 2002 9:51:4

LB

Your Aunt is great. Sorry about the rest of the family. That Christian love they show sure makes you want to go back doesn't it?

I suggest continuing to love your parents regardless, if possible. There is no use in dropping down to their level. The people at your aunts home got a taste of what witnesses are really like didn't they? That will help them to stay away from witnesses. So, you gave a good witness and they sucked. Way to go.

blondie

Firedragon, I would say your parents live in fear not love. As long as they let that fear rule their lives, they cannot express true love.

NWT 1 John 4
18 There is no fear in love, but perfect love throws fear outside, because fear exercises a restraint. Indeed, he that is under fear has not been made perfect in love.

NASB 1 John 4
18 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love.

Amplified Bible 1 John 4
18 There is no fear in love [dread does not exist], but full-grown (complete, perfect) love turns fear out of doors and expels every trace of terror! For fear brings with it the thought of punishment, and [so] he who is afraid has not reached the full maturity of love [is not yet grown into love's complete perfection].

Stick with your true friends and real family.

(I'm sorry for your pain. I can have real empathy. I have been treated as being DF'd and I am not DF'd or DA'd and still go to the meetings. I wonder what can be added if I were DF'd?)

Edited by - Blondie on 29 July 2002 9:47:37

Edited by - Blondie on 29 July 2002 9:49:27

kat7302

sorry to read that.....it sounds so much like my experience at my nans..when we were asked to leave, I wish Id had the courage to remain like you. Ive always regretted that now. Good for you for staying and good for your Aunt for making you feel comfortable. I had the same line about "some of the brothers wouldn feel comfortable " it amazes me now looking back that these ones werent even in the family so who cared whether they felt uncomfortable or not. They really felt they had more right to be there than I did..and it was my grandmother. I only had 1 comforter so Im pleased that more made the effort for you. Well done, we are all proud of you. Your uncle would have been too.

Scully

FireDragon:

I'm sorry about the way things went. I kind of expected as much. Thank goodness for your aunt who stood up for you and welcomed you into her home, despite any "discomfort" it may have caused visiting dubs.

Love and Hugs,
Scully

TheStar

I'm really sorry to hear it Fire. I was hoping that it would be your dads wake up call.

I'm glad for your aunt and I'm glad you stayed. I'm proud of you for standing up for yourself and not letting them get the better of you. I hope some of the things you said to your mom will make her think. She has to see the difference in you, your strength, courage and how your doing so well without them.

I'm proud of you girlie... Your going to be just fine.

Lots of Love,

Star

sunshineToo

I am very sorry, F.D. about your parents. ;-( I cannot believe all those were just acting. ;-(

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{F.D.}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Well, stay close to the ones who really love you.

*Edited to give you a hug. Stay strong. Be successful and happy. That is the best revenge. ;-)

Edited by - sunshineToo on 30 July 2002 0:43:49

Swan

Dear Fire,

I think your aunt is a terrific person. With your uncle's death and all of that to go through, then to have your parents act the way they did, and to come out to your car and take your side in the whole matter; well, that shows love.

As for your parents showing love, did they really have to make such a scene? No. They were following the old JW rule of using funerals as a chance to witness. They don't think of them as a way for the survivors to grieve and find comfort. Too bad their twisted priorities got in the way of the real purpose of being there. I'm sure your aunt appreciates your support.

Tammy

ugg

it just must have hurt so much.....i am glad you stayed......i am thinking of you

Shutterbug

Hello Fire,

I went back and read one of your earlier posts in which you were somewhat encourgaged when you were told you could visit their home and ride in their car with everyone else. Then they turn and revert to their old shunning ways. Ugly Duckling hit the nail on the head, they were just using the funeral for a another chance to witness to you. In the process they did a good job of yanking your emotions around, and I am terribly sorry you had to go thru all of this. I just wish there was more that we could do in the way of supporting you. As far as your parents are concerned, what is that "h" word?

Update: My Uncle's funeral

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