yeah, i'm getting the vibe that things aren't all adding up here. you say the dad is an elder, the two kids are baptized, yet she is dating you who would be considered worldly and her younger brother is in a rock band with 3 other non-jws. this is algebraically impossible as an elder, her father is under the admonisher to 'preside over his household' in a fine manner, that's actually a requirement for a servant or an elder. certainly i would think the situations you are describing would cause him to be removed. very odd indeed......