My husband and I have had sort of a disagreement of sorts. He says that men cannot be friends with women. He says that any man that appears to want to be friends with a woman really just wants to get in her pants, and if they end up friends it's purely by accident. What do you think? Let's of course assume that both man and woman are straight. Also, when I say friends, I mean two people that spend time together one-on-one and have some level of itimacy (nonsexual). And just as a side note let me know if you are male or female. Thank you.
Male and Female Friends
by StinkyPantz 42 Replies latest social relationships
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Simon
I think there is a danger with developing affections for people like this but personally I find it much easier being friends with women than other men. I've never really been 'one of the lads' and guess it's part of how I was brought up.
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Simon
what I meant was - I think it is possible to be friends with someone of the opposite sex, even someone you find attractive, without wanting to jump them.
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StinkyPantz
Are you married by chance? If so, how would you feel about your wife spending time alone with a man she says is only her friend?
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Simon
Yes, I'm married and yes, I probably wouldn't be too comfortable with it just as she probably wouldn't be happy if I was to spend any time alone with a woman I found attractive.
I would prefer anyone I was friends with to be friends with my wife too but whether she was or wasn;t would not prevent me being friends with her and nothing more.
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JanH
SP,
He says that any man that appears to want to be friends with a woman really just wants to get in her pants, and if they end up friends it's purely by accident.
That is utter nonsense. If it is true for him, I have to say I pity him. I have good female friends who I don't have, or ever had, the slightest ambition to have sex with. Even for those that I could be sexually attracted to, but where I wouldn't even entertain the thought (e.g. they are gfs of my mates), I appreciate their friendships greatly. Sometimes, there are few things more fun than a night on the town with a beautiful woman without the tension of "mating rituals", where we can just enjoy each other's company as friends.
- Jan
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Xena
Honestly I am still having trouble with the whole men as friends thing. After being a JW for so long and having it drilled into my head that I can't be friends with men, well I don't know how to be. lol I just seem to screw things up.....
I think it is possible. And I think you can have a sexual relationship with someone and still just be friends too.
Oh I am a kinda seperated woman.
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JT
your question is not a yes or no answer- there are many factors that go into play. such as what level of interaction are you talking about
let's say it is your husband
1. you go to bed and your husband is on the phone 4/5 times a week till 1Am talking to this female friend,
2, they go out to dinner on a friday night leaving you at home cleaning the house
,3. She stops over to the house even when she knows you are not there-
4. she is 2 yrs younger than you and everyone tells you she is a 10 with a "Body by Mattel"-- while you are alittle let's say on the heavy side (now ain't nothing wrong with a THICK SISTA), BUT your husbands has often dogged you about being a porky pig
5. You find out he feels at ease discusing issues with her that many folks would feel perhaps are things that only husbands and wives discuss between themselves.
6. and most of all does he consider HOW YOU FEEL esp if you don't agree
so there are many issues that have to be taken into consideration,
as a general rule most marriaqe advisor recommend so serious Cautionary flags in this issue mainly due to the explosive possibilites of love sex and jealousy that many times than not that come into play.
but you reall are the only one who knows,- if your husband looked into your eyes and saw the pain and hurt that it causes you and disregards your feeling - personally i don't see how that will help build your relationship
my wife vaules my views and i value hers , we both have opposite sex friends and we often give each other "Heads UP" on when we percieve that this person maybe developing more interest than what is wise-
my wife has often seen females i have dealt with and due to being woman would "Q" me in on things i never even considered
and the same with me,. In my view my wife is a very attractive woman, I think she looks like looks like Halley Berry, but that just my bias opinion, at any rate i see how me respond to my wife when she walks into a room. so i often give her a little "Men Think" mindset info- smile
but you are really in the best positin to know -
i hope that you come to some balance so that niether one of you are hurt
James
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DazedAndConfused
From my 43 years experience in viewing how the world works...I, and I might add this is my perception from experience and also from speaking with people of the opposite sex intensively, have seen that many problems DO arise from male/female "friendships".
From experience and talking to many men on this subject I can see that it is much harder for a man to keep a friendship as just a friendship if there is ANY physical attraction at all. For a woman we deal with the emotions much more than a man does. We are able to seperate friendship from a sexual experience much better than a man can.
Not to say that either way of dealing with this is the better way...just stating that it can become a bit sticky situation (no pun intended) at times...simply because men and women are made very differently.
I feel that a special platonic relationship depends upon these 2 criteria:
1) That you can keep a friendship as just that...a friendship
2) Our spouse/significant other can accept this friendship.
My personal opinion is...if our significant other cannot accept (what we view as a platonic friendship) we have a few choices to make. A few things to consider are:
1) Figure out how much our significant other's views matter.
2) Are the views of our significant other valid?
3) Do we love our S.O. enough to understand how they feel or do we do what we feel is right for us?
Choices like this are not always easy. What "we" may feel is totally innocent in the beginning, may become something other than that as time passes.
What happens in situations like this is that we have to be levelheaded and decide what is the best situation for us personally. But always remember that things happening, even with the best intentions, can get out of control and hurt others.
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LB
I have many female friends and I'm married. I haven't had sex with any of them. The thought has crossed my mind of course and I'd be a liar to say otherwise, but, I have never hit on any of them.
I agree that it can be dangerous for men and women to be friends if both or either have a committed relationship. It just depends on individuals.
Also I do think the average guy will jump almost anything if given the chance. Sorry Jan, guess that's an American thing.