Anyone still have ties to the witnesses? For me- my ENTIRE family is still in- and I get cargroups at my house 2 out of 4 Saturday mornings. I am ALWAYS looking over my shoulder when they knock- like- Is there any lottery tickets laying around? Astroglide still on the living room floor from the night before? (LOL) Where did I leave that Crisis of conscience book last.......lol. My brother came & asked my husband for some computer help- they went upstairs- and my heart stopped- I KNEW there was a sheet with 10 ways to shut JW's up laying by the computer. I guess my husband didn't even notice it- but when I went up- I did- and laid a book over it- but I think it was too late. Then, my husband did the search engine for something- and up popped the last 10 searches- and low & behold- JEHOVAHS WITNESS DEPROGRAMMING was right there on top! That was the last time my brother has been here. Kind of funny now. :-) Of course- theres the looking over shoulder when buying a lottery ticket, renting a R movie, going to a R movie- its such a crock. Even when I was "in" others told me what my conscience should allow. If you DONT do something out of fear, is it really the right reason? When I was in, I didn't do certain things because I didn't want to get caught- by the ORGANIZATION- it had nothing to do with Jehovah. Its so sad. I feel so bad for the ones who are just starting the long journey ahead. We'll see them on here eventually! Thanks for listening :-)
Looking over shoulder...............
by Perfection Seeker 18 Replies latest jw experiences
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Elsewhere
It is hard to get over the programmed fear that they put in you. Practice makes perfect
Don't hide the papers or books... display them proudly.
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Doc_jedd
I used to do all those things Seeker. It was a real pain in the as$ having to rush around and hide things every time I had a knock at my door. I feel so much better now that I D.A.ed myself, now I can be myself and not have to worry about what somebody (witnesses) might see at my home or see me do. Its a big relief and Im glad its all done and over with!..................Jedd
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Gopher
Seeker,
You provide an interesting insight into the life of a "slow fader". I was cut out rather abruptly, so didn't ever have to worry about what the JW's might think of me -- they already thought the worst!!
Sounds to me like your brother did see "10 ways to shut up JW's", and it worked! He hasn't been back since...As time goes on, one can only hope the JW pressure will fade!
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musky
perfection, maybe you shouldn't worry. Probably its time others know how you feel. It seems that confrontations are inevitable. Good luck musky
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Perfection Seeker
HI! Thanks for all the posts! I never hide or look over my shoulder when my husbands side of the family comes- they are normal :-) My family, however is DEEP DEEP DEEP inside- servants, elders, pioneers, etc. My ENTIRE family- not one member is NOT a witness but me. So, I have ALOT at stake. I want NO part of being a witness, hate the constant guilt & pressure, but would rather hide things now & then, and still have "ties" to them- and be able to talk to them when I want- rather than getting DA'ed or DF'ed and have NO family. Family, good or bad- is a strong tie- they all live within 15 minutes of me- we just built a house- we're here to stay- would be terrible to be this close- and have to be shunned, etc. I told my mom the other day when she was preaching at me that at least when I was disfellowshipped she couldn't bug me. Shut her RIGHT up. (FOR NOW) So, yes, when the big shunning comes- I will deal with it- but for now- if I can keep in the closet- so to speak- that is good for me, for now. I don't attend meetings or conventions, so they know I want no part- but just HOW far gone I am- the big "A" word- I will keep secret for now. Course, when & if it does come- getting a label on me- and being shunned, I've found some HILARIOUS suggestions for Judicial Committees, and then I am holding my own "APOSTEFEST" in my back yard- and EVERYONE is invited! :-)
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not interested
My gawd, i looked over my shoulder so much that i think i have perminate neck damage, I think i realy wanted to leave but couldnt do it on my own so when the elders helped me out leaving was easier. but with all my family being very active Dubs i was worried about what they would say if they caught me doing "stuff" constantly hiding things in my house when my dad ddwould stopp over (since hes a elder i guess it allowed ) I was very good at hiding stuff but he was very good at snooping so he found my aposstate literature, cards from gals i was seeing and a bag of weed that i had, after that no more hiding stuff and no mor suprise visits its nice in a way but sometimes the suprise visits would be nice but im rambeling. So when and where is the apostafest im always willing to take in some good apostacizing
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musky
perfection, when nobody else on your side of the family is not a witness, and you are different, that deserves a pat on the back. It takes a lot of courage to be an independant thinker, and make changes despite what your family thinks. musky
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LB
As a fader I've looked over my shoulder a lot also. But last Christmas I decided the heck with it and put up a tree. We know at least one car group spotted it but nothing was every done or said. Next Christmas we'll put lights outside of our home.
We do have a son that is a witness and he says he will remain in contract with us regardless of our eventual DFing. So we no longer give a hoot about hiding anything.
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Perfection Seeker
Musky- that was a sweet post- thanks :-)
LB- I hear ya on the Christmas stuff. My husband has never been a witness, so our house is always decorated at holidays, of course its all him, not me..........lol- or at least my mom believes that! I have been so fed up lately, that I said this year we are going to have a power outage with so many lights & decorations! It drives my mom nuts! She refuses to come when the pumpkin is glowing on the front porch at Halloween- so, once she came in July- and my husband put it out as a joke to scare her away :-)
My Apostefest will be held near Cedar Rapids Iowa- course- you're all welcome to come to the Judicial committee before hand if it ever comes to that- we could have some SERIOUS fun :-)
I know I've said this in almost every post- but just found this site June 26- so this is all new to me. It is SOOOOOOOO comforting to hear others have gone through the SAME thing- and there is life after the organization! I felt so alone- even my husband couldn't understand the depth. To reach out to even "strangers" on here that know where you're coming from- well, this feels like a family! :-) I owe alot of recovery to this site! Will save a ton in therapy bills!! Thanks again! : -) MELISSA