Wow, there are some really great tips in this thread. I totally agree that discipline HAS to also match the personality of the child, otherwise you're spinning your wheels and creating so much frustration.
LOL, Angharad, no I didn't take it that you were referring to me. When I tell my kids "don't do it or (insert appropriate consequence here), I usually follow thru on it, unless there is a very compelling reason not to. I try to hear my kids out, always, and determine whether they're just trying to weasel out of the punishment or if they have a valid reason for their behavior, mitigating circumstances, etc. I hate the old "Because I said so" version of explaning things to my kids, altho there are times I employ it. But generally I try to reason with them so that they understand that I'm not being arbitrary and controlling. That said, I am the parent and they are expected to obey me and they know it. They also do it, for the most part. But then again, they are kids and so they sometimes have to test me out.
Your story of Liam reminded me of when Justin was about 2. He wasn't much of a tantrum thrower but there were two occasions in public when he tried it on. Needless to say, I followed thru TOTALLY, so that he regretted the tantrum big time . After those two experiences, whenever he would think about acting out, all I would have to do is remind him what had happened on the last two occasions and he thought better of it. Funny how that works.
I think communicating with children and letting them know what behavior is expected is extremely important.
Home, lady my heart really goes out to you. You've got your hands full with all of the changes that you're having to adapt to. Sounds like your whole family does, so it's great that you're in counseling to help you all make the adjustments. At this stage in my life, I really don't think I would want to tackle bringing another person into our lives. It's hard enough to raise kids as a divorced mom (although my ex is a great dad and we are on good terms), without the added pressure of introducing someone else into their lives. I know others do it, and some quite successfully, but the idea of it makes me wanna swallow a bottle of valium!
Dana