How Do You Discipline YOUR Kids?

by MrMoe 56 Replies latest jw friends

  • safe4kids
    safe4kids

    Wow, there are some really great tips in this thread. I totally agree that discipline HAS to also match the personality of the child, otherwise you're spinning your wheels and creating so much frustration.

    LOL, Angharad, no I didn't take it that you were referring to me. When I tell my kids "don't do it or (insert appropriate consequence here), I usually follow thru on it, unless there is a very compelling reason not to. I try to hear my kids out, always, and determine whether they're just trying to weasel out of the punishment or if they have a valid reason for their behavior, mitigating circumstances, etc. I hate the old "Because I said so" version of explaning things to my kids, altho there are times I employ it. But generally I try to reason with them so that they understand that I'm not being arbitrary and controlling. That said, I am the parent and they are expected to obey me and they know it. They also do it, for the most part. But then again, they are kids and so they sometimes have to test me out.

    Your story of Liam reminded me of when Justin was about 2. He wasn't much of a tantrum thrower but there were two occasions in public when he tried it on. Needless to say, I followed thru TOTALLY, so that he regretted the tantrum big time . After those two experiences, whenever he would think about acting out, all I would have to do is remind him what had happened on the last two occasions and he thought better of it. Funny how that works.

    I think communicating with children and letting them know what behavior is expected is extremely important.

    Home, lady my heart really goes out to you. You've got your hands full with all of the changes that you're having to adapt to. Sounds like your whole family does, so it's great that you're in counseling to help you all make the adjustments. At this stage in my life, I really don't think I would want to tackle bringing another person into our lives. It's hard enough to raise kids as a divorced mom (although my ex is a great dad and we are on good terms), without the added pressure of introducing someone else into their lives. I know others do it, and some quite successfully, but the idea of it makes me wanna swallow a bottle of valium!

    Dana

  • SYN
    SYN

    Now this is a thread that I feel utterly unqualified to post on! Just wanted to say, my parents basically never touched me, but my Mom had that "DEATH LOOK" down pat too, and I got it pretty often. My Mom raised my sister & me, and now at the age of 20 I stay on my own, have my own job, own car everything, and my sister will be finishing at the top of her class this year in High School, so I figure she didn't do a bad job at all! At the end of the day, it's all about consistency, I guess.

    Oh, and since South African TV is so crap, we had to find our own entertainment as kids! HEHE!

  • SYN
    SYN

    Note on the above: I bought the car and pay my rent with my OWN SALARY. My parents simply didn't have the $$$, so I took it upon myself. But, that has taught me to be self-sufficient...

  • MrMoe
    MrMoe

    Sorry TR, I am leaving you for SYN. This Totally Troll wants to share her magic with you!

    This is ME:

    This is me touching SYN:

  • HomebutHiding
    HomebutHiding

    Dana...valium! Now THERE'S an idea! Only kidding, of course. The therapist assures us we are doing all of the right things. it would just help me immensely, if I could see light at the end of the tunnel. The thought of plugging along like this for years on end, is depressing, to say the least. When my husband and I have several days running by ourselves, I am so happy. I see our marriage on the back burner (when it is ont he stove at all) when his kids are with us. Perhaps natural families experience this, as well. I really have no way of knowing what's normal. I have little with which to compare our situation. Thank you, everyone, for your kind , sympathetic words.

  • XandersEvilTwin
    XandersEvilTwin

    SYN IS ONLY TWENTY!?!?!? MRMOE!!!!

    Do you think that all grounding is emotional abuse?

    No, not really. It was the extreme I am commenting on. Grounding is a more emotionally tied punishment, though. I guess it seemed more hurtful to me than anything physical, but then, I've always been something of a...errr....sensitive? kind of guy.

    Personally, IMHO, the ideal would be for the child to have enough respect for the parent that the only discipline needed would be simply telling them that what they've done disappointed you.

    I imagine it's very hard to get there, though.

  • HomebutHiding
    HomebutHiding

    And SYN..Good for you! I am proud of your independence and sense of responsibility, and you aren't even my kid! BTW, would you be a son or a daughter? Your Mom must be bursting with pride!

  • MrMoe
    MrMoe

    This is my dauther -- she is just an angel --

    This is TR and why I left him for SYN

    Sorry feel a little twisted today

    This totally troll reminds me of Valis

  • MrMoe
    MrMoe

    I am dying over here...

    Syn - seriously -- I am sure your mother is very proud. I note SYN lives in South Africa, and although I am not sure how good my prospective is, I would think being on your own over there no matter what your age is would be very very tough. My mom and dad never gave me handouts either. You and your mom both are very lucky...

    NOW BACK TO THE TROLLS... I must make a new thread... Totall fluff thread of course...

  • Valis
    Valis

    When my children are with me, 5 & 3 I usually go for the time out, as it interrupts their game plan and irritates them to no end to know everyone else is carrying on, and they might fall asleep while in time out...heaven forbid they miss something! I have also been known to apply the palm of my hand to a backside, but only if its a repetitvie offense, and possibly endangers their life. Usually when I get to the point where there are no other buttons to push I step away and put myself in a time out and refuse to speak to them or deal w/them till they want to behave themselves..I calm down, they get the idea I'm not playing, and they know what potentially happens next.

    Sincerely,

    District Overbeer

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