DEMONS: the torment I suffered

by Terry 21 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Terry

  When I was in my teens I wanted a room of my own, but I lived with my grandparents whose house was very small.

  My uncle had been living in a little one room bed-sitter way out in the backyard. He married and moved away and I moved in.

  It was quite isolated and the ceiling was six feet from the floor. Unfortunately, the top of my head was four inches higher than that! The room was only suitable for sleeping. So, I'd walk out in the dark and open my door, duck my head, climb into bed and try to settle in for a night's rest.

  Did I mention how isolated this tiny bedroom was? Anyway. . . as I studied with my best friend, who was a JW, we eventually began discussing the idea of demons. At first I thought it was fanciful myth. But, I was also quite the horror movie fan. My subconscious was--shall we say--ripe for exploitation?

  My grandmother had been Catholic as a young girl and she was the only influence before the JW's. She certainly believed in Lucifer (i.e. the Devil) and she would read to me from the Book of Revelation when I was a small, impressionable boy.

  I think you see where this is heading, right?

  As I was exposed more and more to the Watchtower articles on demons I could feel increasing sense of fear. (I think that is the idea!)

  A sense of being surrounded by invisible beings began to actually seem possible, then as time passed, it was a total paranoiac.

  Ahh, what a blessing studying with JW's is to one and all!

  So now we come to the "incidents" as I shall call them . . .Let's say, as I became more sensitized to demons I also had a more difficult time walking out in the dark into the backyard and opening the door to that tiny enclosed bedroom and sliding into bed listening to night sounds with the blood pounding in my ears from an adrenaline rush of terror.

  The first "incident' happens around this stage of my JW indoctrination. As I finish my frantic prayers one night and I begin to drift slowly into the early stages of sleep--I sense something disturbing happening to my bed! It is shaking just a bit. Yes. . .I sat up and it stopped.

  Was it imagination? (A process of calming myself and forcing fearful thoughts away until I could relax now became a pattern. Night after night these bed tremors would signal fear and I'd sit up, pray frantically and talk myself out it. I would have to say quite candidly I was SCARED SHITLESS to go off to bed by this time. I would hear noises--or so I imagined. I'd be on high alert. Just try sleeping under such an arrested mental state as that! A feedback circuit of feverish prayers pleading for Jehovah to protect me brought more and more sensitivity to my vulnerability.

  I honestly think a great many of the brothers and sisters were experiencing a similar increasing fear at this time. JW urgan legends began circulating like rumors. You'd hear wild stories of demons here, there and everywhere. And so on. . .

  FAST FORWARD A NUMBER OF YEARS LATER. . . after I matured, married and moved away from home. . . one morning my wife turns to me as says the most extraordinary thing! When she says it--I can't begin to express how I felt! The rush of an EPIPHANY overwhelmed me!

  My wife said, "Did you know you shake your foot as you are falling asleep? It makes the bed shake and it wakes me up!"

  SHE WAS RIGHT!

  I have 'restless limb syndrome' which is describable as wagging your foot at the ankle the same way a dog wags its tail! I WAS CAUSING THE BEDSHAKE--not LUCIFER, SATAN, DEMONS or the Easter rabbit!! What an extreme relief this proved to be!! A huge burden had been lifted like you cannot imagine.

  I suddenly began to have a penetrating insight into my psychology---NO--NOT MY PSYCHOLOGY--the JEHOVAH'S WITNESS manipulation of human susceptibility to manipulation by fear!! I now saw myself as a victim of fear-mongering manipulation!

  I was pissed! I am still angry about it. When I finally left the Kingdom Hall and JW's forever--it was a kind of freedom I had never known before. I can now walk into a totally dark room without my skin crawling. Even horror movies don't scare me anymore. (This is not as much fun, I must admit.) But, my point is this: ONCE I STOPPED BELIEVING THIS CRAP--I COULD NO LONGER BE AFRAID OF IT.

  What you truly believe makes you vulnerable to over-active imaginings. Belief in the supernatural is a primitive form of fear and ignorant imagination. At that stage of mindset--you can convince yourself of practically ANYTHING. I pass this along because I'm very sorry now that I had told so many fellow JW's at the time what was happening to me without the insight as to WHY it was occurring. I only added to the total folklore and fear in my ignorance. So, take this recounting of the "incidents" as my effort to relieve others who may still be suffering from the mind-fuck RELIGIOUS SUPERSTITION from the JW's has inflicted on their lives.

  ______________________

  Note: at the time of these incidents, had I been hooked up to a polygraph, I'm quite certain I'd have passed the truth test with flying colors.

  Why? I strongly convinced myself of exactly the kind of stories the Watchtower and Awake! were publishing at the time. All these stories are

  still told. WHAT MAKES THEM MORE CONVINCING IS THIS: people you really, really trust--who would never tell you a lie on purpose, are the ones spreading these fables because they believe them.

  I offer this for any of you who still live in fear of the noises in your house, the shadows on your bedroom wall, the slight sense of movement which sends the horripilation running across your skin. Your mind is co-operating with your belief system and creating the reinforcement of fear.

  Please try to examine your fear for what it is--indoctrination.
• 

  cultBgone

  Exploitation of human frailties makes the indoctrination easy....it's like Mary Poppins' spoonful of sugar. Nice explanation, Terry!
• 

  tiki

  terry - you call it indoctrination - i would add imagination to the pot.

  i remember once my mother came into possession (hahhaha no pun) of some plant pots and one particular spathofillum (sp ?) plant. it seems that her cat was obsessess with the plant and would sit and stare at it. of course that triggered paranoia. next, she ferreted out info that those pots had been gifted by her df'ed biological sister to a neighbor, who regifted them to mommie dearest. well....next thing we knew, dining room chairs were scraping, there were noises like that of a dinner party emanating from the room (the room where the plant and pots were)........so........as it was late evening and the best option was simply to toss the plants and pots out into the yard - that is precisely what she did. well tossing them out in disarray, they were scattered all over the place. miraculously come morning the plants were all reassembled, back in their pots, and carefully lined up out there. what else but demons playing with the mind of the faithful!!!

  another one - i recall an elderly couple who had a very convenient demon. they would go to bed at night and hear someone doing the dishes, vacuuming, etc.....and the following day awaken to a totally clean house. my father was one of the elders who perpertrated th exorcism. they determined that the culprit existed within a rug that these people had purchased used and had in their living room. of course the rug was rolled up, tossed......and it took quite a bit to burn it so the story goes......but................alas fom then on, they had to do their own dishes and vacuuming.

  then there was the dude that was studying who felt icy hands coming up out of the mattress and gripping his loins. the mattress was eliminated and the icy handed one disappeared.

  when you reiterate these tales you sometimes wonder what it is with the human mind that makes it so vulnerable to the bizarre. and if these events are truly the work of satan's helpers - why are they so random - why is it that not each and every witness is plagued with some scary twist???
• 

  Apognophos

  I sometimes would experience what felt like a hand grabbing at my bedsheets, trying to pull them off me, down off the side of the bed. It was rather disconcerting at first to wake up to this in the middle of the night, but eventually I realized that it was probably I that was tugging at the sheets which were firmly tucked under the mattress. To take a page from physics, all things are relative to a certain frame of reference. In my sleepy state I could not distinguish between my tugging the sheets and experiencing resistance as I turned over, and something tugging against me as I remained still. After this realization, I never was attacked by the sheet-tugging demon again.
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  apostrate

  Oh the demons are real! But, they have no more power over you than what you allow them to have. And once you quit believing in them, they have NO power over you.

  In other words, they are a very real CREATION by those who want to maintain CONTROL over YOU!

  And they aren't just a creation by JW's. Other religions, cults, those into the Goth thing, Wiccans, Warlocks, many, many people live their lives in fear of these invisible monsters.
• 

  jean-luc picard

  thanks for relating terry. as a young boy I remember praying feverishly, fingers in my ears, until I finally fell asleep through shear exhaustion, because I was afraid of demons.

  and to top it all, after bookstudies,etc, those present often related demonic stories over a cup of tea.

  wtf did they think they were doing, in front of a young lad of 8 or 9 years old? God, my parents were stupid.
• 

  apostrate

  I used to attend the same congregation as Diane Wilson who wrote the book,"Awakening Of A Jehovah's Witness". She is a dear person. She wrote in her book the story of how, when she was new to the "TRUTH", she would lay in bed at night and hear strange noises. They would get louder and louder and increase in intensity. This went on night after night. Then one night she cried out, "Jehovah help me!"

  It turns out, the noises she was hearing were mice running back and forth across her bedroom floor! LOL! I have heard soooo many similar stories from JDubs.

  A Circuit Overseer gave a talk in another Hall that I attended back in the 70's. He was a very gruff man. To really appreciate this story, you would just have to hear him tell it. He spoke of a sister who attended meetings but was very lonely, not having a man in her life. Then, in her bed at night, a demon appeared. This demon began telling her how beautiful she was. She responded positively to the demons kind words. This went on night after night until she finely gave in to the demons charms and they actually had sex there in her bed! Oh my!

  I'm still wondering if this demon has a sister who's currently unattached and how do I hook up with her?
• 

  Terry

  I just experienced a memory of that time period and a great lump came to my throat.

  Sadness, guilt, and recrimination.

  My beloved Grandmother gave me her prized possession, a small Catholic Bible miniature with an ivory, hand-carved cover

  and gold clasp.

  

  I TOSSED IT IN THE TRASH!

  Yes, stupid bastard that I was--I listened to counsel and escaped demonic control by junking my Grandmother's personal legacy.

  I'm just sitting here shaking my head and feeling the sense of loss all over again.

  Bloody nonsense turns us into unthinking fools capable of lunacy.

  

  YEAH? NOT AS MUCH AS THE WATCHTOWER SOCIETY!
• 

  apostrate

  Satan keeps transforming himself into an angel of light!

  Who do we know that claims to be "the light"? And "the light" keeps getting brighter!

  I know how you feel, Terry. I cringe when I think about the record albums and comic books I literally threw away as a kid. Maybe they were junk, but when I see them up for sale on eBay, they are worth a whole lot more than old WT literatiure from that time period!
• 

  Hairtrigger

  Terry!

  This is strange. I get similar shakes and jerks while sleeping. However, I dismissed them as some subconscious nervous reactions on some nights, to the stresses of my day time job. But thanks. Now I know what it is!