Here we go again. The next hate letter from our 2nd Son. (page 3)

Oubliette

STADD,

Responding in anger is always a bad idea. Always.

You're right. They are being cruel and unloving. They are in a cult.

Write a letter when you're pissed if you must, but put it in a desk drawer and don't mail it.

Then, when you're calm, try a more reasoned and compassionate approach. After all, they're in a cult and you're not. So don't respond like you still are too.

They are immature and throwing a temper tantrum. Don't respond in kind.

Seek to reach their hearts and minds if at all possible and lay out clear boundaries, but please take the moral high road. Please.

Oubliette

blondie

Not a jw issue but it sounds similar.

My non-jw father told his workmates that we refused to talk to him because our mother told us not to.....(divorced by now)

In fact though my father had told us not to talk to him, disinherited us, and said we were bastards, that my mother had played him false.

One lady nicely came up to us and told his we should ignore my mother's pressure; was she surprised when we told her that it was my father's decision, he had cast us off. She believed us and soon all his workmates were treating him as a liar.

My father could never get his head wrapped around his actions.

Blackfalcon98

@Still Totally ADD, its a process. Im sorry to hear the trouble you are experiencing for doing what you thought was best when raising your sons. Often when

we experience disrespect and backlash from those who we love, our natural reaction is to get back quickly. There is still hope there because they are still

writing.......just ignore they're frustration and rants for now. They are experiencing dissonance. Sooner or later, through God's grace, they will realize they are

the one's who are not doing things in a loving manner......and from there they will progress toward a point of being awake. As another poster has mentioned:

your grandkids will see through the crap and will be out by the time they are teenagers......THERE IS HOPE. And it's always good to know that you do have

your wife with you!

DEFINETLY A CULT

LoveUniHateExams

I'm sorry to hear of your situation, Still Totally ADD. I hope, in time, your son will become reasonable. I agree with jwfacts, your planned letter telling your son you definitely regard WTS as a cult but love him regardless shifts the focus onto him, hopefully causing him to soften his stance.

Take care

LUHE

MAS*H

STADD, I agree totally with Oubliette. IMHO you should not write suggesting how your son should behave, but rather write telling him how you will behave (i.e. with love).

Personally, having read years' worth of posts in this forum, I believe older JWs leave the Borg after self-awakening rather than being pulled out. The 'seed of doubt' needs to be planted, but ultimately it will be a personal journey. I believe you leaving should have planted that seed.

Perhaps if you need to write a letter you could write about your love for them, how much you miss them and how you hope in the future you will be able to see one another again. You could suggest 'they ask you' if they would ever like to chat about why you left, but doing it the other way round might push them further away.

However insulting the letters they send you, remember it is the WT talking. The fact they are writing means they are reaching out.

Good luck however you choose to play it.

Vanderhoven7

Excellent advice DofC

Splash

I wonder if they wrote to you because they are struggling with the situation.
They are obviously angry and you are the logicial target.

I would write back and say "Even if I'm 100% provably correct, you will refuse to believe me because you have been trained to only believe the WT, even if they make no sense and can proven to be incorrect", then list the reasons why you have left.

For me it was the flip-flops. There is nothing solid to base your faith on because it can change at any time and you have to accept it.
100 year old teachings, preached as 'truth' from door to door, dismissed in a single paragraph. The WT today is not what I got baptised into - it's teachings are completely different.

But don't be angry back.
Don't list 1000 things, just some that you know will have an impact. You can say "there are a hundred more reasons, which if presented in a court of law would be conclusive evidence of their lieing", or something.

You know how best to respond - be smart about it, you might not get another chance.

Splash

bigmac

at least they are writing to you !!!! this is a lot better than cold silence. its some form of contact. OK--they are hate filled--but--what really is behind it-?-are they blaming you for the mess their life is ? i think its a step in the right direction. i wouldnt fight fire with fire.

Phizzy

The advice above to take a softly softly approach is good, confrontational words achieve nothing. DOC's words are good, use their buzz words, "we are waiting on jehovah" etc

Perhaps you can find a kindly way to work in my current favourite method of dealing with JW's, this is it in its blunt form :

"The religion I left is no longer there to go back to, you have to treat me like a member of the Public, and prove to me you now have the truth"

You need to "sugar the pill" as you express this idea.

Emphasise your unconditional love more than once.

Good luck !

flipper

TOTALLY ADD- I'm very sorry to hear that your son is sending you hateful letters again. I would answer him back, but like Obliette said, not until you've calmed down. To reply in anger you not only would say something you regret, but you lower yourself to their same level of being unhumane. It doesn't teach your son anything but confrontation with anger. Of course you are angry- you have a right to be- I'm angry as well that my adult daughters have shunned me for 11 years - but as someone stated my daughters and your sons are in a MIND CONTROL CULT. They are mentally off. It helps to view it that way as it will lessen the sting of their words somewhat knowing that our JW adult children's minds are re=programmed AWAY from natural human compassion. WT Society has STOLEN their authentic , born in human personalities so much that in this polluted , mind controlled state- they don't have the capacity to show proper love. They are sick.

That being said, I know it hurts. I recommend sending a letter to them , not attacking them personally, but opening up about some of the injustices that YOU experienced or have seen like child abuse atrocities that have hurt your conscience which made you exit the cult. Just say that you cannot support organizations that protect criminal child molesters and back it up with news media or newspaper releases. That way you turn the discussion towards a higher, justice type plane- and it gets rid of the personal angst and resentment away from your sons. Your sons are mentally ill due t the cult- just like my daughters - that's a FACT in which we have to deal with at this present time. It may not always be like that- but for now it's what we deal with. You don't want to say something TOO aggressive wherein you'll piss your sons off even more and drive them back into the JW cult deeper with them saying , " see this is what happens when people become apostate ! They get mean ! " LOL. You get my point. Take the higher ground. Be the better person. It will perplex them when you don't return anger or evil for evil. And it may make them think deeper in time. Hang in there, Peace out, Mr. Flipper

Here we go again. The next hate letter from our 2nd Son.

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