What Was Your Opinion of Elder's Wives? (page 2)

life is to short

I married an elder. It was beyond horrible, it was pure HELL. I never saw my husband we did not have a marriage as he was alwasys gone. Spent my second year anniversary sitting in the car until 12:00 am and then was told I needed to go over to another elders wives home who HATED ME and I stayed there until 2:00 am with this elders wife pissed off at me for being there. Than my husband and I got into a huge fight on the way home because I had planned a nice evening evening to celebarte our anniversary together which was ruined now but my husband told me that I married an elder and just to get used to sitting in the car forever. We never made up for the lost night of our anniversary it just became another day of the year after that. Found out years latter that my husband had spent the night holding the hand of this old bitty of a sister with another elder. This women knew it was our anniversary and was trying to cause problems in our marriage she admitted it to me. I was just blown away as to WHY??? The people in the hall were so mean.

Elder's meetings were pure HELL also as I was never invited into any of the clicks of the elders wives. There would always be two to three groups of women huddled together gossiping and when I walked up they would all just stop and stare at me untill I left. They all did things together and I was NEVER included. Than when the elders would come out of their big important meeting this one idiot would say are you elderites ready to leave. I was one of the only wives who worked and sometimes we would not get home until 12:00 or 1:00 in the morning I would be so mad and worked up that I could not get to sleep and then I had to be up at 5:00 for work.

One time my husband had an major heart attack the morning of the school and service meeting. His first heart attack they had him back up conducting within three days of his getting home from the hospital. My husband always was given the worst assigments that none of the other elders wanted and he was always the school overseer. Well I called the CoBE'w wife on my way to the hosiptal and told her my husband would not be at the meeting that evening as he was having a heart attack. This elder's wife told me "What do you want me to do? I can't help you as I have to go out in service today."

I told the CO in our first year of marriage that I was totally losing it and he was so ticked off at me and told me that Jehovah needed my husband now I could have my husband in the new system.

If I could go back I would never stand to be treated the way I was. Plus I could not do anything, my job would have paid for me to take collage class which I could not because I had to set the example, I could not go running because it upset so many in the hall that I was putting my body to such a use. I could as an elders wife I should be using my time in field service not doing something I enjoyed. You name it was I was told it.

LITS

thedog1

life is to short would you mind telling us what happened in the end? Only asking because I used to be an elder until not so long ago and it put my wife under terrible pressure. She was always sitting in the car waiting for me, or trying to make small talk with other wives waiting for their husbands. Some of the other elders' wives were very nice but others just wanted all the juicy gossip they thought my wife would know. She never knew anything as I didn't pass on anything, and she didn't want to know anyway! She developed lots of health problems, including emotional and psychological ones, due in part to the demands of being 'an elder's wife', a so-called title that she always said did not exist.

Anyway, things are calmer now as I am no longer serving so all those expectations have vanished. She likes that idea, I think, that we can just be us and concentrate on drawing closer as a couple without all the sometimes manufactured drama of the elders arrangement and the 'needs of the flock.'

Auntfancy

3rdgen, I understand what you went through. The same thing happened to me only once, thank heavens. A "friend" of mine became interested in another man and she told me about it hoping I would tell my husband. She knew I was going to let him know and she was fine with it because that is exactly what she wanted me to do. Eventually, her whole family left the religion shortly after this was revealed and their marriage broke up. We tried to help them stay together but I think she did this knowing she was going to leave.

Life is Short, I am sorry to hear you had such a terrible experience. For some reason in the congregations we were in they normally didn't handle serious matters after the meeting but scheduled them for off meeting nights. I very rarely waited on him and usually we were the last to leave because we both loved socializing.

It can be a very difficult life for an elders wife especially if he is a jerk!! I am fortunate that I ended up with one of the good ones and we both came out together. My husbands position was NOT important to him as far as needing it to feel good about himself. He was not the type to lord it over others.

thedog1

So Aunt Fancy, he was one of the good guys. So many elders stay there as it defines what they are. Only being an elder gives them self worth, not what they are as a person. Good on you and him!

westiebilly11

have known many elderettes (!)...over the years. Many were fine examples of caring approachable and modest ladies....sincere kind words flowed from them....but I have to say I've known a few badge holders...who lorded (ladied?) it over other women in the cong. One such elderette of a recently appointed elder is to put it bluntly an airhead. She is known in our village as a dolly bird as she is always overdressed and talks incessantly about how much she paid for clothes etc etc...with no regard for others of lesser means...The widow of a deceased elder conversely has always been a kind lady and never boasted about her husband being an elder...so yes, there are many types of elder's wives....as there are also elders too,,

Auntfancy

He stepped down years ago because of the things he saw and many times they asked him to become one again and he would never do it. Thedog1, I do agree with you that for many if not most it defines who they are. Many of them do not have successful careers so without they are lost and I think this can also spill over to the wives. Women have no responsibilites in the org to speak of so for many they ride the status of their husbands.

Tech49

Let me throw out another perspective:

My wife (Vic) was officially an "elder's wife". Her and I both had been "mentored" by some very caring older ones thru the years, and we were all very well aware of the "nuances" of the "job". We learned alot, and look back with fondness at some of the memories those older ones gave us. It was a different time, and a different religion.

Vic was an excellent "elders wife", in my humble opinion. Yes, I was guilty of sharing many things with her that "technically" should not have been. But hey, she's my friend, I needed to talk about stuff, so I did not hold back. Some things she never knew, only because the knowing itself would have been a burden that she did not need to bear. I could barely choke down some of the sickening crap that I had to deal with and be aware of while serving.... I did not need her to be privvy to the disgusting junk that went down, not that she couldnt handle it better than most elders, but that she had better things to worry about.... like our young family!

Vic tried very hard to "tow the line" (correct use of the word just for you JGNAT). She worked very hard at being the vigilant "example" in all things, to temper her assertiveness, to be kind, to give to others, to break up the little cliques that popped up. In my eyes, she was the quintescential "elder's wife". She pioneered when she could, took any talk on the school, our kids were always dressed and groomed well, she mentored younger sisters, etc etc. The list goes on and on.

She was NOT, however, stupid.

......DO ....NOT.... cross this one! OMG. I have had the rare occasion to see her RIP another brother a new ass! She did not care who you were or what your title was! She was pretty good at "reminding" the brothers of their "responsibility", or lack of such, if such a reminder needed to be given, or if she saw injustice! Same with other "elders wives"! She could beat down the pompous bitches that strutted around like their shit didnt stink so fast your head would spin! WHOOOOSA !

Suffice it to say that this elder's wife made a quick name for herself as a straight shooter, and not one to be messed with. Within the last year or two, it has been her "reasonableness" and "ability to see bullsh*t" that has lead to her withdrawal from the congregation.

She was a fabulous elder's wife, and now she is "just" a fabulous wife!

I raise a glass of brew to you Vic !

Jack Harper, Tech49

Calebs Airplane

Some elders' wives I knew were quite "Spiritual(R)", but most were extreme gossipers who spewed out confidential information from Shepherding Calls with relentess shamelessness...

DATA-DOG

Examples of delusional humans. They are the lead head-bobbers in the KH, and not in a good way. 😘

DD

kaik

Prologos, I would also add meagera.

In my KH all elder wifes were b.ches. Both of my cousins wifes are b.ches who lie and are dishonest. They shun entire JW family from my mom side and deny that we are related. This was case as far I remember as kid (My cousins are 10 years older than I). Elderette of my primary elder was neurotic, emotionally unstable, abused her kids, compulsive, and perfectionalist. Other wifes were immitating the same roles. You could see them sitting up front in the KH, always treated like nobility. These women were different from other women that I like and were really nice. I called these women gray mouses, because these were women who were either widows or did not had JW husbands and were treated by the elderettes as second class JWs.

What Was Your Opinion of Elder's Wives?

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