baby or no baby?

by Dudu 21 Replies latest social family

  • cognizant dissident
    cognizant dissident

    I got my bachelors degree late in life after raising my son and now I'm working on a professional degree. I'm the first person in my family to go to college. While I'm proud of that and wish I had done it in my early twenties before I became a mother, so it would have a chance of paying off financially, I do not find I feel any different or better about myself than I did before I started.

    In the end, it is about work and money and personal achievement. It does not bring me the love, warmth and fulfulment that I found being a mother and having a family.

    A degree can't hug you, cuddle you tell you it loves you, you cannot shower your love and affection on it. It will teach you nothing about unconditional love and the feeling that you would truly die to protect this little being if you had to. I raised my son poor and in a bad marriage, I was sick and there were many problems and heartbreak. Still, I have no regrets except that I didn't relax and enjoy it all more. Now my first grandchild is on the way and I intend to do just that. I know no one who regrets having their children.

    Unless you truly don't like children ( and some people don't), have the baby!

  • 3rdgen
    3rdgen

    If you have to ask-get your degree. If your desire to have a child is not overwhelming you might resent how much more difficult getting your degree is with a baby or toddler. 40 is the new 30. There is plenty of time.

  • PaintedToeNail
    PaintedToeNail

    Fertility rates decrease greatly during the 30 decade. At 30 it is much easier to conceive than when you are 37. Maybe you could think about freezing your eggs for storage in case you want to postpone into your late 30's.

  • kaik
    kaik

    I would advice working on your masters that you are about to complete and you can start having baby. You can finish your masters in 4 month pregnancy. Having child at your age is nothing wrong, and the medical prenatal care is excellent than was 20-30 years ago. But I recommend do not postpone your pregnancy. As long you can have your first child by age 35 you will be fine.

  • cognizant dissident
    cognizant dissident

    It's true. Your eggs degrade rapidly after age 35.

  • KateWild
    KateWild

    My kids are my world to me. Life is like a pie chart full of different things we fill our life with and children can be one of those segments. At the moment you want more than can fit in your pie chart. You need to decide what is more important to you a career of family, most women struggle to balance both unless they had kids young, I was at uni when my daughter was 2yrs old. I could have a flourishing career now if it wasn't for packing it in for pioneering.

    Kate xx

  • Witness 007
    Witness 007

    My sister yesterday drove 2 hours to an expensive resort ....after an hour her 2 year old went hysterical screaming she wanted to go home...they packed up and left...good luck with that.

  • Xanthippe
    Xanthippe

    Dudu don't panic, I was a month off my 37th birthday when I had my daughter and she was perfect. It only took seven months for me to get pregnant and apparently the average for a woman in her twenties is six months.

    You are still young and you have worked so hard for your degrees. I totally agree with Clarity you will need a career, especially after your family has grown up. After all your hard work to get qualifications you deserve a job you enjoy. Why shouldn't women have it all!

    Good luck, whatever you decide.

  • ballistic
    ballistic

    Just in case it helps you decide, we can't have children we are 43 and 39 and tried IVF unsuccessfully 3 times.

  • cultBgone
    cultBgone

    Dudu - I never thought I would have children and was working on my master's when I became pregnant. I never found the master's necessary to earn money, but I did find being a mom to be the most absolutely wondrous and joyful thing I've ever accomplished.

    Screaming kids come from unsettled parents, usually. If you are calm and happy, your kids will be calm and happy.

    To this day, I can honestly tell you that my daughters have made my life important. Work, not so much. I don't define myself by my job (which pays nicely, btw). Being a mom taught me what love means. It taught me unconditional love. Amen to the good doctor BerryGerryBerry when he says:

    Nothing turns you into a better human being than being a parent.

    Wishing you all the best, whatever decision you make. Happy life!

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