Perhaps you can go to a counselor yourself. These are very difficult problems to tackle and there are no easy answers.
Avoiding talking about sensitive subjects never really solves anything, the emotions are still there, they just get hidden, resentments build up over time and kill the marriage. I was married to a disfellowshipped person for 28 years, we didn't talk about anything either and we are now divorced. He never owned to the damage he did by doing whatever he wanted, not just with the religion but other things too.
Your wife has a right to her feelings about this. Perhaps if you can find a way to let her feelings come out, she will feel better about the whole thing. She is suffering a loss, she has lost the marriage she thought she had. She needs to be allowed to grieve, only when she has done so can you both move on.
Just my 2¢.