Lurker no more

by DaleRivers 42 Replies latest jw friends

  • Magnum


    We're in the same age group. Things in the recent past have been eye-openers for me, too.

  • Quandry

    Welcome to the forum.

    Isn't it really refreshing to think for yourself, own your opinions, and breathe the fresh air of freedom?

    I do hope the relatives you mentioned are not beginning to shun you, as has been the experience of some here.

  • DaleRivers

    Hamsterbait:I prefer my men OUT of pants, so that's no problem

    Quandary: My aunt and grandma passed away long before I faded. My mom is 89, lives with my brother in another state, is inactive (never really devout when she was active), so no worries about being shunned. My heart aches for those who do go thru that, it's emotional torture.

    Magnum:I'm curious, how did you first learn TTATT?

  • Adiva

    Hi DaleRivers.

    Nice to see you here.

  • Giordano

    I'll substitute for Magnum. I don't think I ever believed in the 'truth' by the time I was 19. So I did the logical thing I doubled down and pioneered where the need was great!

    The good news was that's where I met my wife........ so fifty years later I still would not have changed anything if I could.

    We were both out in our mid twenties. It took me about 2 to 3 years to figure out the TTATT. With my wife she confessed to me that she never believed in it but falling in love with Mr. Pioneer......when in rome......

    We just faded away, changed where we lived for education and jobs and started anew.

    It took me about 2 to 3 years to figure out the TTATT because this was in the 1960's.

    Today I could have worked through it with the help of in a long weekend then maybe a few months letting it all sink in.

    Having this forum back then would have meant more to me then I can express as we were cut off from family and the 'friends'. However its been a great place these past few years to be able to share in the experiences of others and for the companionship. It's part high school reunion, part being in a debating club and part finding your long lost tribe.

  • BluesBrother

    Welcome, Dale Rivers.....Keep the posts coming!

  • wannabefree


  • KateWild

    Welcome Dale thanks for posting. It seems you have had quite an easy fade out the cult, but you have only just learned TTATT. Good for you for finally doing all the research and finding like minded ones to share strories with.

    Kate xx

  • Magnum

    Magnum:I'm curious, how did you first learn TTATT?

    I had JW family members almost my whole life, but I didn't start studying with seriousness until my early twenties. I was very sincere and I was a thinker. I had major questions from the very beginning, but I was told to put my questions on the back burner and seek first the Kingdom and that I would eventually get my answers. I did just what they said. I gave JWdom my all. I immediatley began regular pioneering and made rapid progress in the org. However, my questions were never answered as JWs told me they would be. In fact, they grew in number and intensity.

    From the very beginning I saw flaws in the organization but thought it was the right thing to do to overlook such. However, over time it just got worse. I saw virtual worship of COs, DOs, Bethelites, GB members, etc. I saw JWs treat Bethel itself almost as an idol. I began to see bad writing in the publications. I saw many elders who loved glory but didn't want to do the dirty work. I strongly suspected that the disaster relief work was a scam that made money for the org. Etc. Etc. Etc. However, I kept overlooking the flaws.

    I think the 1995 "generation" change sort of took the wind out of my sails. The end no longer seemed imminent. I just couldn't go on pioneering the way I was. It was very difficult for me because I had no money and was virtually homeless and I always had to take the lead in the ministry. Everybody looked to me for everything. I sometimes had to be responsible for service groups for all three of the congregations that met at our hall because none of the other elders would lift a finger to help.

    Also, about that time I just got to the point that I almost couldn't bear the lack of teaching ability in my area. Meetings were horrible. And it wasn't just that the local JWs lacked teaching ability; the actual program supplied by the org was devoid of anything that could keep the attention of anybody with some education and sense. I first intended to cease being an elder and spend my time trying to correct matters. I was going to write some letters with suggestions and honest evaluations to the org. I did step aside as an elder, and I started working to try to improve matters. However, I just gradually noticed more and more how much is wrong in JWdom. I noticed more and more how shallow most JWs are, how little knowledge they have, etc. I noticed that individuals would be approved to be publishers who were clueless about the Bible. They'd never read it and had no idea what it was about, yet they were going to "teach" others the Bible. I gradually started looking at stuff on the internet about JWs. I already suspected a lot of what I read; reading it just confirmed my suspicions. I have the book Crisis of Conscience by Ray Franz, but I haven't read it all; just skimmed and read certain parts. Those parts that I've skimmed and read confirmed things I already suspected. I now have vast quantities of notes, references, etc. about JWdom that I intend to process when I get time.

    The way that JWdom has changed in the last few years is shocking to me. It is now so dumbed down. The GB staged a successful coup and seized power from all the other partakers; now the GB = the FDS. JWs used to be anti-internet; now they're all giddy over it and are bowing before their new idol, JW.ORG. I have no desire whatsoever right now to step foot in a kingdom hall and neither does my wife; she sees things just as I do.

    There is so much to read, study, and learn. JWdom kept me ignorant for three decades making me think I was a Bible scholar and that I was feasting at a great spiritual banquet. I now realize I know very little about the Bible and am about to really start studying Bible history, archaeology, content, etc. in order to try to make a decision about the Bible - that is, whether to believe it's what it says it is. Right now, I see a lot of evidence against it, but I'm still hoping it's true. I loved having a hope for the future and right now things look bleak. I just simply don't want to die; I don't want to cease to exist. I want to see all suffering end. I hope there is some kind of answer, but if there is, I don't have it. I want it.

    I know that this might seem odd to some and that some might think I'm crazy for saying this, but I wonder sometimes whether JWdom could be like ancient Israel - God's chosen vessel, but gone seriously astray. The more I read about Russell, Rutherford, and the orgins of the org, though, the more I begin to doubt that. I just don't know what to believe right now. I'm open-minded, honest, logical, and reasonable, and I'm searching.

  • Aunt Fancy
    Aunt Fancy

    Welcome Dale, I hve found both of those websites very interesting along with books written by EX-JW's. It really helps you think straight when you get the facts.

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