RIP at least the world didn't get him, words of comfort?

by MissFit 15 Replies latest jw experiences

  • MissFit

    To my grieving sister about the death of her only son almost 2 year ago. He was 25.

    We were having lunch when she repeated those words of"wisdom" from one of her JW in-laws.

    This is a hard month for her. She is trying to move on but of course the grief is still there. She holds on fast to the resurrection hope.

    What other words of "encouragement" have you heard?

  • humbled

    Any words that include "God" in connection with the death of a child or a youngster are not comforting.

    where is the love? Even Jesus is said to have had compassion on parents who lost a child--and raised them to life--then and there.

    I am sorry for her--I could only try to remember the good times......

  • MissFit

    How about when someone says when talking about a nonJW relative:

    Well now we'll see him in the new system ( being grateful he died before the end)

    I could not believe that he thought her son was better off dead than in the " world".

    Dont people stop to think about what they are really saying?


    In essence, how is saying," They will be resurrected.", any different than saying," God needed another angel."????


  • Oubliette

    I have found it's usually much better to talk about the person that has died. If I knew them, "I say I miss them," and I say why.

    If I didn't, I ask the person that's grieving to tell me about their lost loved one.

    Leave God out of it. He had nothing to do with it anyways.

    It only complicates and confuses everyones thoughts and feelings unnecessarily.

    Still I would never be so callous as to contradict another person's religious beliefs when they are grieving. That is something a JW would do and call it "Field Service." Insensitive louts.

    I just ignore their religious platitudes and talk about what is real: our memories, thoughts and emotions.

  • stuckinarut2

    Yes, very insensitive!

    I have often heard witnesses say the classic: "well, at least they get a free pass into the new world, while we have to put up with the wickedness..."

  • Oubliette


    stuckinarut2, I've heard that too.

    They sound jealous when it's put that way, don't they. No wonder so many JWs are depressed. Their worldview sucks and it is focused on a future that never comes and never now.

  • MissFit

    Data dog: you are right... they are both implying that it was god's will or for a higher purpose.

    Oubliette: I just bite my tongue when she mentions the resurrection. I know that is the only thing getting her through.

    They use his death to push her to do more so she can be there to greet him.

    She feels guilty because she isn't going to meetings.

    I listen to her talk about her memories of him. And my heart breaks.

    Then in an next breath she tells me what her relative said. At least the world didnt get him.

    Back story: he had stopped going to meetings. He was having trouble keeping a job because he had a drinking problem. He had a bad work accident when he was 19 and almost died.

    My sister tried to get him to see a doctor and to get into counseling.

    He had an enlarged heart and died of a heart attack.

    I would never take away her hope.

  • MissFit

    Stuck: yes it's like when others say: at least they dont have to suffer through the time of the end.

    I heard brothers tell her not to give up and how sad her son would be if she didnt make it.

    I think (edit to: I know) deep down she would rather have him alive and in the world for a long time instead of dead now .

  • MissFit

    I was wondering what other phrases you have heard that was supposed to be comforting but if looked at closely was offensive or made you feel worse?

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