Help me help my DF'd friend (page 2)

LisaRose

Just take it one step at a time. You wouldn't want to share the TTATT right away no matter what the circumstances, even if he is disfellowshipped it doesn't necessarily mean he is not under cult mind control. He may not even be comfortable talking to you, but if he is, just be a friend. If that goes well, gradually talk about things. If he pulls back pretend it was a misunderstanding. I think it's worth it to try to help him.

Paris

Help him do what ?

OneEyedJoe

As I said in the OP, he's married and has a 1yr old. I don't think there's any risk of him running off the rails...he's in his 30s and quite stable. Though I guess part of being a JW is appearing stable even of you're not.

I just told him I won't shun him, and I'm here of he needs to talk or just wants to get a beer. I guess I'll ask why he got the boot...I was hesitant to ask since I'm not usually one to pry, but I guess its the only way to feel things out.

OneEyedJoe

Paris - while I've not dealt with it before, I've read enough first and second hand accounts here of the pain caused by shunning, and the guilt and fear of Armageddon that can accompany it. None of that is deserved, and I want to make sure he doesn't have to cope alone, if at all.

LisaRose

What I meant was that getting disfellowshipped is very stressful. He is likely going to need the support of a friend, at a time when most of his friends will shun him.

berrygerry

I would text:

Is it okay if I ask why?

DesirousOfChange

DO NOT put anything in writing that could be "used against you" in a court of law Judicial Committee.

Make a phone call to give him support. Feel out the situation before you say anything that could incriminate you.

Doc

Coded Logic

When one of my witness friends found out I was gay their exact words were, "You know my friendship is unconditional right? There is nothing you can do that will take that away."

That was about four years ago and I still can't help but tear up a bit everytime I think about it. Anyway, I think actually calling them and speaking with them would be MUCH BETTER than a text. Let them know that they have a friend in you and that your going to be there for them no matter what. I would also discourage asking why the got DFd. If they're comfortable sharing they'll bring it up. But chances are since its still so recent they're probably still a little shell shocked.

I would also strongly advise against talking about the society on your initial contact. Right now they need a friend and a sense of normalcy. Talk about that one time you guys were at that one place and that really funny thing happened. Talk about the latest episode of whatever. Just be a friend. You'll have plenty of time to talk about debunking the WTBTS later.

ABibleStudent

Hi OneEyedJoe, Don't write or leave messages for your friend.

Talk with your friend (preferably face-to-face). Tell him that you will not shun him, that you love him unconditionally like Jesus Christ taught his followers, and that nothing he can say will change your mind about the WTBTS.

Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,

Robert

Apognophos

Keep in mind, many/most DFed people want to be shunned. Trying to escape being shunned will only hurt their chances for reinstatement.

Help me help my DF'd friend

Share this