Help me help my DF'd friend

OneEyedJoe

So I got a text from a friend of mine today telling me that he'd been DF'd. Since I'm still nominally a witness, this puts me in a tricky spot. I intend to tell him in no uncertain terms that I will not shun him, but I'm not sure where to go beyond that.

I've known him for about 12 years but we've only had spotty contact for the las 6-7, but I still consider him one of my best friends....life just keeps us busy. He's married with a 1 yr old, and I can't imagine he cheated or anything like that, so I'm wondering if he might be awake, or waking up. I do know that he did get caught up in some BS with a past employer that nearly got him DF'd inspite of his complete innocence, and that's the type of situation that seems like it could eventually lead to an awakening, hopefully that's the case.

That said, I've not really even managed to begin a fade, and my wife is still very much in, so if he were to report me to his elder father, the wheels of "justice" would no doubt begin turning really quickly. Us awake JWs really need a secret passphrase or something.

I'm thinking of just telling him that I won't shun him, and that I'm always around to lend an ear if he needs to talk. And that anything he says will be kept confidential, and nothing he can say will make me drop him. I know just that is probably enough to get me DF'd, but I can handle getting the boot for simply supporting a friend. appostacy, on the other hand would imperil my footing with the wife. Is there anything else I can say that might comfort him and help absolve him of any guilt he might have? Id also appreciate help in the phrasing, as I'm no poet. I'm sure those of you who've gone through this before (on either side) will be able to help immensely.

Thanks in advance, everyone.

OneEyedJoe

First post fixed bump.

Paris

Is he nearby ? Can you just call him up ? Ask him WHY he got DF. May be he will open up to you. Hopefully it was because he questioned the GB the WT doctrines the FDS or read Crisis of Conscience. Please do not abandon him.

Ask him why he reached out to you in particular. Does he know you doubt the organization? If he does and was disfellowshipped for the same reason, he may need your support, unless he is planning on returning and getting reinstated.

Since his father is an elder, it could any absurd infraction, may be he enrolled in college or stopped going out in service or expressed his own opinions on some touchy subject. He is obviously reaching out to you, take his hand.

You need to show some courage behind your own convictions, you cannot live in fear and be a happy and authentic man. Is your wife the type to run to elders ? Would she really "turn you in" if you told her your real feelings ? What a terrible position to be in. May be your wife actually has doubts and is afraid to tell you ? And your both living a lie ? What do you talk about ? This is incomprehensible to me.

Perry

I'm sure those of you who've gone through this before (on either side) will be able to help immensely.

Are you in good standing?

OneEyedJoe

He lives nearish. I'm not sure if he reached out to me specifically, the text had the feel of a generic notification that he might've mass texted to all his friends.

As for my wife, she's not super zealous, but most criticism of the WTS is met with resistance. I suspect she has some small doubts, bit I don't know what they are yet. I'm still feeling her out. As for what we talk about, we're basically a normal couple, there's just this huge waste of time in our life. I don't know if she'd turn me in, but she probably wouldn't like it if she knew I wasn't shunning him, but I can deal with that.

Yes, I'm more or less in good standing

Perry

there's just this huge waste of time in our life. I don't know if she'd turn me in, but she probably wouldn't like it if she knew I wasn't shunning him, but I can deal with that.

I see. I believe that you have suffered from weak abdominal muscles (see chart above) but are starting to strengthen them. Please continue process.

Crazyguy

I wonder if you can first show him from the bible how shunning is wrong and Jesus was all about love Matt chapter 5 is great, then maybe show how the org has been wrong themselves so many times. Bring up teachings of the past that they have had to abandoned and so on. Then maybe go from there to show how Paul says in 1 corinthians that there is no one sect and we are not to get all wrapped up into our leaders and not to be slaves of men. baby steps until you know what he knows..

OneEyedJoe

So I guess to clarify a bit, I want to help him, but I've read many here who recommended caution when trying to share TTATT with JWs if you don't want to get yourself DF'd. My relationship with my wife is only relevant in that it explains why I'd like to avoid being DF'd for apostasy.

naazira

Just tell him that he will always be your friend. Then immediately stop talking about the org. Tell him of all the fun things he should now pursue. You can't trust him fully right now, because he may return to the org. Let him know that life goes on.

Paris

Peter was a cautious man; wait I think I hear the cock crowing, a third time.

DO ask him why he was disfellowshipped. If he tells you he has seen that the "organization" is a Cult that should give you the courage to tell him your own timid fears. Don't tell him to go out and do stupid things like fornicate his brains out or take drugs and other "fun" things since that will drive him back in and will lead to all kinds of misery. How old is he? Is he living at home or on his own ? Encourage him to educate himself. Be honest. Try it, it will be a new experience for you.

Help me help my DF'd friend

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