My wife sees the lack of love and.. Any suggestions on how to proceed?

by BU2B 39 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  KateWild

  BU2B,

  Thanks for the update. I think you're doing fine. You don't really need advice you have thought things through yourself. None of us are perfects and at times you will make statements and put your foot in your mouth, pick yourself up and remember to only ask questions next time.......then do it all again.

  Keep updating us, I hope for your daughters sake she gets to have a dress up party, my son had one, a princess and super hero party, all the kids dressed up and the had fun, we have all the photos, I hope she has her party.

  Kate xx
• 

  4thgen

  Congrats! Good advice so far....I'd like to add: validate, validate, validate.
• 

  Terry

  Bottom line thinking is necessary: if the figures on top don't add up, the answer at the end will be WRONG.

  **

  The Scriptures give a test of a False Prophet.

  1. Test the WTS for false prophecy using that Scriptural test. What is the result? They are False Prophets.

  Is it okay for them to be False Prophets as long as they don't call themselves prophets and admit when they're false?

  Oh sure--because the test for False Prophet says that's okay--right? (Read scripture)

  20 “‘If any prophet presumptuously speaks a word in my name that I did not command him to speak or speaks in the name of other gods, that prophet must die. 21 However, you may say in your heart: “How will we know that Jehovah has not spoken the word?” 22 When the prophet speaks in the name of Jehovah and the word is not fulfilled or does not come true, then Jehovah did not speak that word. The prophet spoke it presumptuously. You should not fear him.’

  2. If you call yourself "Jehovah's" Witness--isn't EVERYTHING you teach automatically done IN JEHOVAH'S NAME?

  3. Explain why sending people door to door to declare events (which don't happen) is Truth rather than False Prophecy.

  **

  Bottom line: if your religion cannot pass the FALSE prophet test---what are you supposed to do--excuse them and go about your business?

  " . . . that prophet must die."
• 

  AudeSapere

  I like jgnat's suggestion to remind her the 'jehovah' is not just at the KH. Get her and your daughter out in nature. Do fun things as a family and include others - including non-jw families with young children.

  Separation of Powers mentioned my first thought: Maybe try the same princess-themed party with a few classmates or kids in the neighborhood. Keep it very small, like maybe 4 children in total. Let the 'worldly' parents know that is not a birthday party. It's just a 'get-to-know-you' party. Or an end of summer party. Or beginning of school party. I doubt she will get the same 'egg-shell' feeling that she got from the KH.

  -Aude.
• 

  BU2B

  Thanks Guys. I think she does know that non-JWs are actually cooler to be around. When we have gone on vacations and a cruise before, we have met 'worldly' couples and hung out with them. They were funny, non judgemental, and fun to be around. Didnt feel the pressure and tension like how it is around JWs. I think she knows this but views it like a loyalty thing when we are back home. She will wear clothes on vacation that she would never wear back home, for fear JWs would see her and gossip. I think she wants her daughter to have good associates like any parent, and she knows that JWs are people the same as anywhere else, some good some bad. The trouble is getting past the mind control to the point that she would allow her to have non-JW friends around. This would be a HUGE leap for her. The mind control is so strong. She knows that most JWs are insincere and make poor friends, (even the ok ones are so poor they cannot do anything fun) and many non JWs are really nice, but after 25+ years of indoctrination that you dont associate with non JWs its tough to break through.
• 

  jgnat

  Here's some great steps on overcoming an ingrained phobia. She has an ingrained phobia of "worldly people".

  http://www.wikihow.com/Overcome-Phobia

  Small steps, each one gaining in confidence.

  My hubby's comments regarding "worldly people" were largely academic, as he's always rubbed shoulders will all sorts of people. I also made sure he was socialized with people very different than ourselves. I considered it a booby trap to spring every time he spouted off something he read in the magazine about "worldly people". I would challenge him, "You mean like the Smiths next door? Do you think they are hopelessly depraved?"

  Well, no

  "Or how about the Johnstons? Do you think they are worthy of death, after they helped boost our car last winter?"

  Um, no

  "Or maybe our bus driver who always has a good word or a joke in the morning?"

  You get my point.
• 

  jgnat

  Oh, and I have a diabolical mind. Hubby and I have also socialized with Blondie and her husband, Onacruse and his lovely wife, Simon and Angharad. All were impeccably kind to hubby.
• 

  steve2

  Yes, to notice things are not right inside the organization is a necessary component for questioning the organization - but it is not sufficient.

  There are people in all walks of life and religious persuasions who have discomforting thoughts about what they believe - and sometimes they even verbalize them to others.

  However, it is also clear that they are no where near ready to look more carefully at the discomforting thoughts.

  Indeed, for many people, iin order to continue functioning in their belief system, they vent negatively every now and then about it. They get it off their chest - then go back to it.

  The analogy to marriage is probably apt: You can complain to a trusted friend about how your spouse drives you nuts - but that is far from saying, "I am thinking of leaving the marriage".

  It's great that your wife is verbalizing some of her misgivings about the behaviour she sees in the Hall - but hold your horses because this woman may well be scared off your eagerness to listen.

  In fact, I'd suggest a low key acknowledgement of her sentiments ("Gee, honey, that sounds hard to put up with") and an intentional switc to a positive topic ("Is now a good time to show you my plans for our vacation in September?").

  Pairing a low-key responses with a change of topic to something positve is a powerful reinforcer of taking action to get on with your life.
• 

  SAHS

  “Mum”: “. . . talk to her about the characters in the book you're reading, describe their struggles, and make those struggles sound like the same kind of problems JW's have to deal with.”

  An excellent new thought-provoking fictional book, which has strong similarities and some actual references to Russell, Rutherford, and Franz, is by our own Terry Walstrom, called “The Monorails of Mars.” That would be a great book for breaking the ice with your wife, as it is provocative yet fairly non-threatening. It is available on Amazon and Lulu:

  http://www.amazon.com/The-Monorails-Mars-Terry-Walstrom/dp/131236033X

  http://www.lulu.com/shop/terry-walstrom/the-monorails-of-mars/paperback/product-21717981.html
• 

  Ocean1111

  In the principle of "the love of the greater number" getting icy, "due to lawlessness" IN THE CONGREGATIONS, RIGHT IN THE MINISTRY, you may point out to JWs the principle of the big picture. It always applies to the ultimate application, God's people and their leadership. Classic in Israel, Jerusalem and beyond, a principle of all prophecy on this matter, the big apostasy is in the leadership first. It is that source of lawlessness that affects, in time, gradually (Dan8:12), everyone and literally everything else.

  So if we were JWs and could apply things to Israel and "Christendom" how could we not apply it to Bethel and ourselves where it was all really applying foremost in our own time?

  If JWs are taught "the Bible applies first to anointed Christians" then why not apply the apostasy there as well, why not apply even the negative aspects to where it applies? Why only the good stuff?

  By not doing these things the plain as day Bethel lawless core remains concealed to Jehovah's witnesses eyes, and that is the same pattern as Israel. The real apostasy is at Bethel, and as in the past it hinds under veneers and assumptions of it's modern times.

  So maybe a point is we should honestly apply and assess reality to where it is, right in the leadership, where the principles apply in the biggest picture. The temperature drop of the congregation icebergs and its penguins is just a symptom of something worse up at the Bethel icehouse, king north pole.