I had a lovely weekend, how about everyone else??

by quellycatface 28 Replies latest jw friends

  • jgnat

    sowhatnow - you sound like you might be depressed. Might you check with your family physician? You might also benefit from a skills test to see what it is that you really enjoy and are good at. I suspect you have a strong creativity streak.


  • troubled mind
    troubled mind

    Friday night we met friends at the local Bar and grill for supper . It was crowded so we were seated in a side room that has large tables . After we start ordering here comes one of the local Elders with his large family and sits down behind us . LOL The looks on their faces were priceless when they saw who they were going to be sharing eating space with

    After dinner we drove to an outside Concert to wish an old friend (exjw) a Happy Birthday . Another Ex-Jw friend met us there and we went to see a Blues band play for a while .

    On Saturday we met our foodie friends for breakfast then went to yard sales. That afternoon I attended my future daughter in laws Bridal shower . In the evening another outdoor band with dinner and friends . Sunday my husband went to help a friend work on her model A Ford ,then home to couch time and movies .

    SOWHATNOW -- Don't give up you can make new friends . I was in since birth until I was 44yrs old . It was really tough the first few yrs out ,I was so lonely for friends . Facebook can be a good tool to reconnect . For me ,a Witness that was DF'd connected me to some of her non witness relatives ,and we have become good friends . Maybe think about getting a part time job . I met my best friend that way ! Also on facebook I have reconnected with other EX JWs that had left our Congregation or were Df'd over the years ,people like that help bring back a little common history into your life . We made aquaintences because of motorcycle riding too. Keep your chin up.

  • bigmac

    friday i met up with my d/f son and his wife--who were attending a wedding in a church ! he really is doing soo well.

    saturday was at Nuggets birthday party--- ( now the UK aposta-event of the year !! )-great to meet old friends--and new ones i know from xj facebook sites.

    sunday was a much needed lie-in !---and a late full english

  • sowhatnow

    well thanks.

    I dont know how to find people who i may have known in the past that may have left as well.

    i had attended 7 congregations in my lifetime , yea 7. and not a single sister went out of her way to accept my freindship.

    Id drive to sisters homes, to help when they were ill, cleaned for them, picked up their kids, ect, and

    never got an invite or a phone call. one time my daughter ran away when she was 16 and not a single person on my congragation called me.

    she was missing for a week. even my husband came home from work and did not ask if she was found! his own child.

    my mom who is a hard core jw cant figure out why i dont have tons of freinds , she knows how her freinds think im ' so sweet'and giving

    ect ect, becausue its to all of them who i send thinking of you cards to, and little gifts, they are all older and some are shut ins,

    so i try to make them feel better by searching on line for free pretty music to make mixed cds for them.

    but soon they will all be dead, they are all in thier 80scant exsist off that forever. even when my kids were small, i couldnt seem to get any jw children to give them the time of day.

    i dont get it. I think its becasue we did not have a fancy house, we lived in a mobile home and did not own a house then. predudace.

    now my kids are adults, and i wish i could find out who after all these years felt like me about these teachings, and wondered what was wrong .

    of course im depressed, one big reason is my husband pays no attention to me and hadsnt slept with me in two years , i even sleep alone now.

    not that mind that its nice having the whole bed,

    but sex , i really really miss, its not like im unatractive to him, im only 5'4 and 120 pounds, and pretty healthy for a 52 yr old.

    its his drinking.

    he cant do anything. and doesnt care.

    I have no one to talk to about what i am probably going to have to go through, if my mom decides to make a big deal out of my fading.

    shes 72 my dad is 74, and they depend on me sometimes. its stressful.

    i have a bad left foot that im trying to get figured out, and lower back that needs attention ,

    if my husband had any affection for me hed give me a back rub.

    so for now, that keeps me from getting a job , if I could even get one with no skills at all and no job ever.

    I dont know how to search the web for x jws in my area. then maybe i can find them on facebook IF knew who they were.

    so for now i just wait like i have my whole life , for what i have no idea, i guess death.

    I only live for my 12 yr old grandaughter to see me twice a month.

    i think im an outlier or something, or a geek or something, i dont know anyone who likes what i do. im an oddball i guess. i have the mac

    and everyone else is on windows, lol. my son who is 25 and i have a very close relationship hes unique too, hes now in teneseee.

    he says mom, we dont belong here ,

    were in the wrong country! lol maybe we are!

  • LisaRose

    Sowhatnnow, that's rough. I don't work either, so I get the not being able to meet people. I tried volunteering with poor results so far. I joined my homeowners board, that was OK, not much to do, just a meeting every three months, then some wack job got upset about something, that was no fun. I did another volunteer thing that fizzled, the organization was too disorganized, it was impossible. I am looking for another volunteer opportunity, I think that is one way you can meet people.

    Do you have an interest you would like to pursue? Maybe you can take a class, either a hobby, or to get a job skill? If you are dependent on your husband for money, why not look into a part time job. I know it's not easy, I am in the same boat. I have a small business, but my health issues are making it very difficult right now, but I keep at it, working on a web site right now, it's so frustrating, my computer died, so I have to use my husband's computer, it's completely different, steep learning curve, I don't even know if it will work, I just don't know what else to do, I can't sit and watch TV all day.

    Check your local library, they have all kind of group activities, book groups, etc. You just have to put yourself out there, just like you made yourself go to the meetings, the more you go the better your chances are.

    As for your husband, tell him you want to go for a walk, or a movie or something. Sometimes it takes some effort. If he is not open to that, then maybe you should leave, there is nothing more lonely than a dead marriage, been there done that. If you have been married a while you will probably get alimony or if not you might qualify for government support. There are always options, you could contact a women's shelter for advice. Life is too short to be miserable. I was in a bad marriage for 28 years, I wish I had left sooner, like the day after my last child was conceived, lol.


    One way to expand your range of interests is to read books about a wide variety of subjects. That will give you more to talk about with people you happen to meet. Try going to a 'regular' ( non-JW, non- fundamentalist) church and see how you like it. Keep trying different ones until you find one where you feel comfortable. Most churches have women's groups where you could meet potential friends. You don't have to 'buy into' any doctrines you don't feel comfortable with. Just explain that you are trying different options. To start with, going to a movie with someone or out to eat would be enjoyable. Close friendships take time to develop, so do things gradually. Sounds like you would be an excellent friend. So taking a few small steps outside your normal routine might help you to feel better and get a fresh outlook on life. Anyway, I wish you all the best.

  • LisaRose

    The suggestion of going to church is a good one. There are many good churches out there. I enjoyed going to the UCC, United Church of Christ. They have people assigned to greet visitors, they pride themselves on being welcoming. They have food after every service. They have no doctrine, so you don't have to believe anything to participate. They have a woman's group and do charitable work. I seriously considered joining, except I am an Athiest, they were OK with it, but it just seemed pointless. But if someone is looking for the church experience and a way to meet like minded people, it's great. They are quite liberal in general, but there are other churches for more conservative people.

  • rebel8


    Your creativity need not go to waste. Join meetup.com and search for groups and events near you, in things that interest you. Take a crafts course or arts guild--endless things to do and learn, if you like that stuff!

    How is it possible there is no volunteer work for you? How about reading to old people, visiting kids in the hospital, etc.? Good lord, hospitals always need volunteers. Some NICUs use volunteers just to hold the babies--it's healthy for the little ones.

    You sound like you're surrounded by selfish people and have been in the past too. I was too. I've severely limited those relationships and hopefully I'll replace them with better friends in the future.

    If your husband won't get help for his drinking, good news! You can get help for yourself. This will help you sort things out and deal with it so YOU feel better. You can see a doctor, counselor, social worker, etc. or you can go to a support group for nonprofessional support.

  • Quarterback

    I had a great weekend. I looked on this Website a few times. I enjoyed going to my favourite store, Canadian Tire. I have some money to spend there, and the Liquor store. The Liquor store never dissapoints me bystocking the shelves of my favourite Whisky. Thank-you Liquor store. We don't say that enough, but we should. I had a war with three flies, and 4 mosquitoes. I was victorious, but the dog hasn't come out from under the bed yet. I did watch TV but, can't remember what I saw. Went to the KH, and saw someone I hadn't seen in ages. I met his wife. Life is good.

  • jgnat

    Yeah there is Al Anon. I think this man's affection has been drowned in alcohol. So in a way it is not personal. There is nothing wrong with you! As for not fitting in at seven congregations, you have a lot in common with Blondie, and she is a great lady. Her mom was a JW, her dad a military man and an abuser. Because she came from a "mixed" family she was left out of social events. She finally concluded the lack of love was systemic. Again, there was nothing wrong with her! I hope things start looking up and that you find more fruitful outlets for your love and generosity.

Share this