I love my life, I don't want to die

by losingit 35 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Aunt Fancy
    Aunt Fancy

    I am sorry to hear you are going through such a rough time. Please open up to your therapist because they can be very helpful and if you don't then they won't be as effective as they can be. They hear a lot of things and don't worry about what they think of you because they are there to help and not judge.

    I would make sure the courts garnish your ex husbands wages, if he is holding down a job you can get your fair share for your girls. It is very sad when a father walks out of his children's life because he is angry with the mother. He is not hurting you but he is hurting his children.

    Since you are worrying about your children right now, make sure you have a will with who will be the guardians of your children. Knowing you have that in writing will ease your stress over it. Most likely your hormones along with what you are going through is causing the extra anxiety.

    If you still believe there is a creator then why not continue to pray? If that will bring you comfort then find a way to continue to talk to your god.

    Try to do some relaxing things to release your stress so your girls don't feel it.

    There is nothing wrong with going back to your family in a time of need, it does not mean you are a failure.


  • HowTheBibleWasCreated

    When I discovered for myself god was not real I was horrified at my own mortallity for months.

    I found confort in two places:

    1. Just because their is no god does NOT mean there is nothing after death. Buddists have no problem

    2. Richard Dawkins mad an interesting comment. "When I die I will be like before I was born. Are you scared of the time before you were born when your didn;t exist??? Of course not. Why be scared of the opposite?"

    Better to pass yourself as in your knowledge to your children and let them go ahead with your legacy.

  • Hortensia

    I hope you open up to your therapist too, and tell the therapist all the things you've said here. You need some help to reduce your anxiety. If your parents want to help you, accept some of their help, even if you don't move home again. I see why you want to be independent, but with three kids a little help would be a good thing.

    I hope you feel better soon, not so anxious and more peaceful.

  • Maranatha

    Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment? Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they? Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature? And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin: And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith? Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed? (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things. But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof. ~Matthew 6:25-34

    For whosoever will save his life shall lose it; but whosoever shall lose his life for my sake and the gospel's, the same shall save it. ~Mark 8:35

    Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. ~Matthew 11:28-30

    Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. ~John 14:27

    Give your life to Jesus, dear one, and you shall have no fear.

    I have anxiety problems sometimes. (Who doesn't? Lol) But I've given my life over to Jesus. I have no more fear for my own life because I know a beautiful place exists beyond this present earth, where God shall wipe away every tear, sorrow and pain. Revelation 21:4

  • Freedom77

    Losingit, concealing vital info from your therapist is totally sabotaging any help you might get from him or her. If it's too hard to tell them face to face, why not write it out in a brief letter and leave it for them to read? They cannot help you if they don't know what's really bothering you.

    Or if you simply have no confidence in this therapist, try another. Chances are there are any number of free or sliding-scale therapists in your area to choose from, and women's and family centers who can give you a referral.

    But what you're doing now is not working for you at all, that's evident. For your own sake, and your children's - try again.

    Good luck.

  • TG-Jasper

    I don't know what your relationship was like with your husband, but I know a lot of couples try to stay together for the kids and the resulting environment ends up being very bad for the kids.

    Are your parents jw? My mother usually refused help from her non-jw parents. I wish I had been able to spend more time with my grandparents as a child.

  • villagegirl

    losingit - You need to develop some way to stabilize.

    You children need stabilty, safety, calmness, regular routine.

    Chaos, tears, anxiety, depression, is not good for you,

    or your children or the baby you are carrying.

    You need a network of support. Is your family reliable?

    Can you tell them safely this child is not your husband's?

    If its not safe, do not tell them. Tell a private counselor for sure!!

    but protect yourself from the elders and your family by silence.

    If your family is safe and will support you and have space

    you should reconsider going there, at least for the next year,

    till you can regroup and stabilize yourself.

    Don't try to be superwoman. You will burn yourself out

    and your children will suffer. Think carefully and control emotions.

    You can get financial help I hope, if you are in Canada or

    the UK and even the USA there is aid for dependent children

    and they will go after your husband and extract child support

    from him, its the law.

  • quellycatface

    We are here for you honey.

  • quellycatface

    Forgot to mention. In the UK, there is a organization called Gingerbread. Offering support to single parents. Do you have anything like this where you are??

  • Daniel1555

    Hi losingit

    You seem to be a great mother.

    You care and want the best for your children. Go on with this attitude.

    Of course, on your shoulders lies a lot of responsibility. This gives you worrysome thoughts and feelings.

    We all might one day or the other think about death. Some are really afraid of death. Especially as we come from a JW background and believed about endless life in a paradise, it can be depressing not to know what comes after death.

    I can tell you what took my fear of death. I read a lot of accounts about "near death experiences." After reading a lot of personal near death experiences I am not afraid anymore. In fact I really believe now that there is a "personal" creator, god, force of life or whatever you call him. It convinced me that this god is all encompassing unconditional love and he wants us just to show love and compassion in our life. And he cares for you and your children. A heart moving experience of a little boy (Colton) you can read in his account in the book "Heaven is for real" by his father Todd Burpo.

    Even though I lost my religion (JW) I didn't loose my faith. I pray to and thank my creator, just in a different way than before as a JW.

    I wish you all the best for the rest of your pregnancy. Try to calm down and relax.

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