17 year old son is blaming me for ruining his life from the Cult. He's complaining "I could have been a high school sports star!"

by PhilsWager2 29 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

• 

  PhilsWager2

  You know about my not-so-ugly divorce and how me and my wife found out the religion is false. She still attends while my 17 year old has been raging on me about all the wasted time he suffered from by being in this religion. He think's his life is ruined, very angry we did not learn this was a Cult earlier(He was 14 when he stopped attending after reading the Revelation book, he said "In all time and history, how could a trumpet blown in Revelation have anything to do with a JW Bible Student convention statement"?

  How do I explain he can get over the guilt, stop feeling sorry about wasting his years in this religion and move on with life? I am tired of hearing he wasted his time when there are people who are double, triple or six times his age when they learned this was a lie(14*6 84) brother in Ray Franz's book who was excommunicated at the ripe age of 93 years old What would you do i this case, I wish you and me were this young when we learned this was a joke!
• 

  NewYork44M

  In my case I started with an apology. I fuc*$d up the lives of my children because of raising them in a cult. But it is what it is - lets move on and have a successful rest of our lives.
• 

  John Aquila

  Apology is all that is needed, it's not like you deliberately choose to be in a cult to hurt your son. Once you found out you did something about it.

  Plus, "Could have been" is different from "Would have been" There is no telling if your son would have been a sports star. There is that little word called competition. There is always someone out there better than you. So there would have been no guarantees that if he was not raised a JW he would have been a "Sports Star"

  Hey, I "could have been" a movie star and marry Angelina Jolie.

  If only I wasn't raised in a cult------Oh I forgot about Brad!
  
• 

  OUTLAW

  In my case I started with an apology. I fuc*$d up the lives of my children because of raising them in a cult. But it is what it is - lets move on and have a successful rest of our lives.....NewYork44M

  That`s all you can do..
  

  If you F**Ked Up,you F**Ked Up......Admit it..
  
• 

  3rdgen

  Phil, I know it's tempting to tell him to be glad he wasn't older when he learned TTATT and quitchourbellyackin', but 17 yo's don't respond well to that approach. Remember how you felt when your parents said things like, "You think you got it rough, let me tell you about when I was a kid......"

  Like NewYork44, I apologized to my daughter for raising her in a cult. Then I specifically mentioned things and events I said "no" to that I should have allowed and that I feel terrible for depriving her of the joy they could have brought. I explained that my mindset was that I was trying to save her life. (like not letting her play in the street) Her reaction was "Mom, you were only doing what you thought was right." Please note though, she was 10 years older than your son at the time.

  If you sincerely apologize, in time your son will forgive.
• 

  Village Idiot

  I can only go along with those who suggest that you apologize. Do it with sadness in your voice and gestures.
• 

  goingthruthemotions

  17 yrs old is not to old to start sports, there are plenty of competive leagues out there. A star athlete is not determined by age.....if you have, you have at any age.

  tell him to give it a shot and have fun
• 

  Nathan Natas

  Your 17-year old son needs to shift his perspective. Yes, MAYBE he could have been a HS jock.

  Was he really that good? Really? Probably he's a legend in his own mind.

  All across the world there are bars in which you can find 50 year old HS jocks who have done NOTHING of note since graduation. They live lives of quiet desperation, WITHOUT EVER having been a JW!

  There are many many ways to ruin your life, and MOST of them do not involve having parents who themselves were the VICTIMS of a CULT!

  You son has an opportunity to turn himself into something far better than a HS jock - he can begin the process of becoming a MAN who appreciates what a gift his father has given him by RELEASING HIM from the CULT he was born into..
• 

  Crazyguy

  I felt the same way as your kid but at age 46. Tell your kid if he wants it get off his ass and go get it. There's college as well as other Avenues.
• 

  Hold Me-Thrill Me

  I have a different take on this. Perhaps it's my age or maybe it's because I think young people should be told the truth with no apologies when the truth is: Dad and Mom tried their best.

  This is life...we can try out best...give it our best shot..and then find we have failed in some way. Our kids should learn that lesson and learn also that to try our best and fail is not a reason to apologize it is a reason to learn that life is not a game where we can always predict the outcome and come out smelling like roses. No, life is a struggle but a struggle well worth it if we are trying our best, giving it our all. If we have done that there is no reason to apologize for choices we had to make or chose to make.

  There are thousands of choices good parents make and good loving parents may in hindsight wish they had made better choices, different choices, for their children. That though does not mean a parent should apologize for a choice made in good faith, with good intentions and with love. Should a father in the military whose family has had to move many times or a mother who chose a dangerous job in a foreign country because it paid for her child's education and then was seriously injured, should they apologize also? If they were good, loving and responsible parents why should they apologize for a choice sincerely made?
  

  It is a lesson learned for the child- Son, we all make choices and at times those choices may later prove to be less than ideal or even wrong but this is life. I have made my choices with the best intentions, you someday will make choices you may later feel were best not made. But if you did your best what more can be asked of you?

  All one can do is learn and move on. To wallow in our sincerely made bad choices is a waste of breath and time. Move forward son and hope that when your turn to raise children comes along you will not overly beat yourself for the sincerely made bad choices you yourself will almost positively make.-

  It is one thing to apologize because our hearts impel us to but another to apologize because we feel we owe it to our children. What we owe our children is love and the best choices we can make with the information we have available to us at the time. What more can we do?

  Frank