For those who have been out for 5 years or more.......

by Phizzy 27 Replies latest jw friends

  • Phizzy

    ........... do you find you are now far more relaxed about things ? Things in general, and things WT/JW related ?

    I find I am much more relaxed and pragmatic about life in General, Mrs Phizzy and I do what we can, but we don't get overly upset at what we cannot do. We just roll with the punches and enjoy life as much as possible.

    With things JW too, I entered a store the other day, it turned out the owner, who was the only person in the store when I went in, was a JW, literature displayed, kind of discreetly, near the Till.

    I eventually told him I had been raised a JW, but he did not pursue why I had left, and I did not feel any need to engage him in debate about his beliefs.

    Some of you may feel my relaxed attitude is letting the side down, but it is not up to me to rock his boat I feel, if he had tried to preach to me it may have been different.

    But it struck me that in the last two or three years, I really cannot be arsed to waste time on JW's. Apart from the inordinate amount of time I spend on here of course.

  • Ucantnome

    relaxed. I still sleep with one eye open in case the bogeyman comes

  • eyeuse2badub

    Phizzy's post pretty much sums up my feelings also about life and all things jw. Really enjoying life without letting all the "special" jw events and mind numbing meetings interfer with what I really want to do. My adult children have sure noticed the difference as I am much more human and caring about people, and have 'real' time for my grandchildren. Just took my 2 oldest grandsons a nice 10 day roadtrip. It was very nice. No meetings, no fs, no meeting clothes to pack. Just a relaxed atmosphere. Life is better without the constant pressure and guilt. Even smoke an occasional cigar. My wife notices my relaxed approach to life and i know that she 'secretly' really likes the change after 47 years of constant jw-dom dictating our every move.

    just saying!


  • galaxie

    I've been out for a long long time, apart from immediate family issues I'm very relaxed and generally happy with my life,

    I still have freinds who have left the JWs and we can socialise without discussing much about those old days.

    My resurgence of feeling I wanted to re engage with JWs has been the appearance of the trolley/cart lazy, smug blasé hand outstreched come and get your salvation here approach to ' spreading the good news ' I feel I always have to give them some ttatt to think about, and then just bid them good day.

    the thought that at one time I might have participated in that activity is so foreign to me now brings a great feeling of satisfaction as I walk away from their little stall of delusion.

    Best wishes.

  • DesirousOfChange

    For us, it hasn't been 5 years yet, but JWism still seems to have a huge influence on our lives even though we know it is all false hype and make-believe. For one thing, the majority of family on both sides are all still 'in' including elderly parents, siblings, pretty much most of the families. And of course, all of our (former) friends were JWs since you are discouraged from making 'worldly' friends.

    Being weak from having been stumbled is acceptable or at least tolerated and there are constant efforts to encourage. To make the decision to take a stand and be vocal or active about one's real feelings would change the dynamics of everything. Thus we are stuck halfway 'in'. It's precarious if you are the type of person that has a difficult time hiding your real feeling about things or if you have trouble just STFU when people make dumbass statements and you feel compelled to bitchslap them to wake them up.

    Walking on eggshells take talent, perseverence, and a determination.


  • Phizzy

    I sympathise D.O.C, but being "stuck halfway in" is about the most stressfull lifestyle one could choose I would think, second to being a Human Cannonball.

    All my family on my side, apart from distant cousins etc, are still in, but the difference for me is that I have been very vocal, they know where I stand. We see little of them, when we do it is amicable, but the "Elephant in the room" gets no mention, suits me.

    I am sure that those of us who have been truly out, in mind and body, for a good few years, have a much easier and more relaxed life.

    You will get there one day.

  • jwfacts

    I am. I have found a really amazing peace in my life that my friends respect me for. I think the stress of leaving and pain of loss can destroy a person, but for those that survive and come through it, perspective on life can become a lot clearer.

  • nancy drew
    nancy drew

    Sometimes i think was I really once a JW. What was I thinking it's so much better now my brain feels free and normal and I'm me again.

  • SafeAtHome

    As all of you have said, relaxed, happy, care more about people, free. Yes, that sums it up. And Phizzy, "The Elephant in the Room", oh yes, that is me when I am invited to a few family gatherings (although after nearly 30 years out I am starting to be excluded). Notice how they stop talking when you come in to the room? I think it is funny, and sad, that these otherwise intelligent people are trapped in a mind controlling cult.

  • Quendi

    For me it is summed up in the apothegm, "Live and let live." That has enabled me to reclaim my life and enjoy it to the full, and to enjoy meeting and working with other people. Despite the pressure not to have "worldly" friends, I always had many good friendships with non-Witnesses so when I was disfellowshipped, I had a wonderful network to sustain me. I am very grateful that I did. With respect to JW matters, I have as little to do with the religion as possible. Most of my former friends shun me since I'm disfellowshipped, but since I don't deisre their company--with a few notable exceptions--that works for me. Those exceptions are people I was really close to. Some of them have continued our relationship. I am trying hard to get an answer about that question from the remaining one. But my life as a whole is much better now that I'm out than it ever was while I was in.


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