I was recently at a baseball game with friends and family when I learned something new. Beer had been drunk and the men made their way to the men's room to relieve themselves. When they got back I asked them what took them so long. They said the whole thing was very awkward. There was a cop at the urinals and you never pee next to a cop, but there were also lots of other men in there who then had to pee next to each other which is not ideal. You see, there is unspoken etiquette rules that say that if you come in to pee, you never stand directly next to the next guy. You should ideally leave a space in between. Sometimes though, if it's very crowded, you might have to, but make sure you studiously don't look. Then it takes forever to get started and so it's bad all around.
However, this rule is trumped by the never pee next to a cop rule. So, there was a cop peeing down at the last urinal which forced them to leave a space and so all of the other guys were forced to pee next to each other. This was awkward. Well are there other rules for the stalls, I wanted to know. Like what? they asked. Well like the ladies room rules. I told them the unspoken ladies room rules and they were incredulous.
"First of all, you can pee without any restrictions. But, you may never fart in the ladies room. They laughed and thought this highly unlikely. In fact you must pretend to never be going #2. It's all about hiding the sounds. First, try to find an empty restroom, but you might be able to wait out other people and then go after they leave. In fact when they are using those loud hand dryers you can usually get one out without being heard. Another strategy is waiting for someone to flush and then going really quickly. The worst thing would be to come into the ladies room grab a stall and fart loudly then end with a plop and a splash. If this embarrassing event happens to you, you must wait until everyone else leaves the bathroom before you can sneak out and leave.
The men said it was totally acceptable to fart loudly and plop and drop. As long as you gave a courtesy flush if this continued for any length of time. Did women give courtesy flushes? Not really, you just flush once and get the hell out of there as quickly as possible. The key rule in the women's room is that you must pretend that you are not going #2. What about cop rules in the ladies room? they wanted to know. Nope, there are no cop rules in the ladies room.
I always find it amazing when I learn these little tidbits of rules that are there all along and the opposite sex has no idea about it. It's like finding something you've never known about your spouse after all these years. And it's also amazing that these rules are never taught, never spoken, yet we all know them and follow them, these social memes.
Has anyone else heard of the don't pee next to a cop rule? Are there other rules?
Does anyone else have the fascination I do with the transmission of social memes regarding toilet etiquette?
I just keep thinking how can men and women live so closely with each other for years and yet we have no knowledge of the rules behind the other door?