In the middle of my day, I get a text. My wife says that she has watched the film. She is in tears, sobbing. She says its our family in the film.
1) Unless your wife is mentally unstable, this is simply emotional blackmail. Do not give in to it. Tell her to STFU and grow up and act like an adult. Adults don't sob and cry unless someone has died.
2) Demand she write down what changes need to be made in your family. Specifics. Not simply "attend more meetings and increase Field Service". Rather have her write a schedule and more importantly, write a budget, since things seem difficult financially for you. If she does not work outside the home, suggest she get a part time job so that eventually you too can cut back to part time so you can aux pioneer. (Of course this is bullshit, but PUT IT ON HER to make it possible for you to be the spiritual man she wants you to be.)
I swear by all that is holy, we're it not for my daughter, I would give up. Part of me wants to blow my f'ing head off, I'm not joking. The other part of me says , " F*** YOU WTBTS!! F*** YOU GB!!! F*** YOU ALL!!!" I yelled at "GOD" today and said, " BRING IT!!! Kill me!! I don't care!! You are NOT going to do ANYTHING!! You never do!! What do you do?? NOTHING!!"
Unless you're mentally unstable that was a good vent. Now, you got it out of you. It's time for action not words.
I have this thing inside of me that won't let me quit. I can't describe it. I'm not really in control. If I was in control then I would choose the easy way out. I feel like Bruce Banner trying to kill himself or Batman wanting to just quit, but he can't. He is just the other side of the crazy coin. Maybe I am too? If I am just as crazy then why fight? Why destroy my family for my theories of truth? Then a voice screams back, " THEY ARE LIARS!!! It's not the TRUTH!!" That screaming thing is what keeps me going sometimes.
Of course you can't quit. You've just come to realize that your life was totally f*cked up and you were pursuing rainbows. Time to get on with reality and make a good life for your family. You might be too old to improve your own quality of life too much, but you can concentrate on your child[ren]. That was my situation. By the time I woke up from the JW stupor I was too old to make much of a difference in my personal situation, but I was insistent that my kids would not screw up the same way. But I have gotten past the guilt trips and we now "own" our time on the weekends and evenings vs giving it to WTS.
SLEEP is the most important need you have to keep your emotional sanity and to function when you are awake. If you're spending hours late at night on this board or anything else. Shut it off. Go to bed.
I wish I had it in me to give up, but I just can't. I am really starting to doubt my sanity. I don't even know what I really believe. I haven't figured it out.
That's one of the steps many go through when they learn TTATT. It turned my entire life upside down. I don't know what I believe now either, but I know what I DO NOT believe. I DO NOT believe the WTS/GB/JWs have any mystical connection to Almighty God. They have no f*cking idea about what the future holds for me or them or anyone. They are delirious megalomaniacs and I was a pawn.
I am seriously considering letting the Elders come over and challenging them. I will make them answer from the Bible, how I could know what the SLAVE knows, when the SLAVE says that only they can interpret scripture. I want to make them call me a liar, or show them up.
Don't do anything stupid that will simply worsen your situation. The Elders are dumbasses or at least blinded pawns. They have no answers. All they can give you is WT rhetoric which will frustrate you even moreso.
What would they say??
Please come to a Judicial Committee. That's all they are trained to do when someone rocks the boat. So, STFU and smile to their face but go start getting your life moving in the right direction.