Ditto the excellent advice here. IT IS A CULT! You don't owe them anything, least of all your address, phone number, or life...and certainly not the lives of your children. Do not da, it's playing by THEIR game rules, which they made up. Your sense of integrity should never have you cast your pearls before them, as those making up and enforcing the rules are the swine.
I'm a target now
by Stirred 27 Replies latest jw friends
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DesirousOfChange
And if I'm being true to my sense of integrity....if i cannot support, then thinking that DA is better than fade but if i intend to fade i must go to a hall in move state where not known too well.
Let me tactful: You have some f*cked up ideads. You're still thinking like a JW Drone. Integrity; must go to hall; DA (their rules).
Give it up. Just quit showing up. WHO are you trying to please?
Doc
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Vidiot
Stirred - "What would happen if i dissasociate?"
Well, among other things, you would be playing by their rules and thusly validating their ideology (i.e. giving them what they want).
As far as I'm concerned, the fact that fading is essentially an end-run around the DF/DA process is reason enough to do it.
Stirred - "I don't want stigma for my kids."
That's probably gonna happen eventually, anyway; particularly if you play by the WTS's rules.
Question is, which would be worse for your kids; the stigma of having exited an authoritarian high-control group? Or the stigma of staying in an authoritarian high-control group?
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problemaddict
Stirred....think about this for a minute.
So you no longer "support" the religion, and you are thinking that your "integrity" dictates that you must DA yourself. Your sense of integrity, is coming to you from the JW point of view, and is coloring your choices. If you no longer support the religion......just stop supporting the religion. When you fade they can no longer count you as a member, when you move they will forget you, and you can go on with your life apart from them maybe showing up at your door now and then. You don't even have to tell them who you are, just say no, or give them a card with jwfacts.com on it.
Going through the process they have developed to marginalize people that no longer agree with them is giving them control STILL. Don't do it. No need. Think of an analgous situation where you would cut of your nose because your face told you to.
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Dismissing servant
Just move...don't contact the congregation in your new yown/city. Don't give your new adress to the elders in your present congregation.
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Stirred
Thank you for feedback. I do feel a mess. i am currently planning to move temporarily as husband doesnt want to move. And do to work and desire, he will not fully move but says he will visit. He supports me to get away for 4-6 months and in reading what some say here about fading, I felt I need to act carefully. I dont want kh looking for me when i come back to visit or live.
i am only concerned about pleasing Jehovah, Jesus and my family And my study. My youngest is very concerned and all my kids want to go to meetings But do see the unequal treatment that member display toward my study versus us.....invite her out but not us, call and text her and invite her to parties and gatherongs, but not us.
I have only just started to talk to them a bit. I need to take baby steps and very carefully.
if i have to come back and if i have not had my cards sent to a new hall, they will still be looking for me when i come back. Why do i care? I guess it sounds easier than a confrontation and do to fact I have been very active and visible, I think a sudden change would obviously predicate some move on their part. They've already started coming by my house and trying to get to my door unexpectedly but my gate was chained. I have heard a local needs that sounded eerily like it was directed toward me....critical of certain kinds of service as currently i havent been d2d but still have bs that im transitioning to other member.
if i do nothing, i feel id be hounded and a hypocrit. Furthermore, the intense judging I feel I have experienced would be amped up And I'm already unhealthy. I dont think it would help me a bit to ramp up pressure on myself or family when im already cracking.
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jgnat
How old are your children?
Are you talking about a separation from your husband by moving yourself for a few months?
Taking care of your health is a first priority now.
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Stirred
I dont want to say how old kids are.....stilll a bit uncomfortable with too much info.
my husband and i are not separating.
We have reasons and a home already where i can go - wa a rental. I will work on certifications and work and see how things go as far as if i can start making momey here enough to live support us and he will consider coming more but he loves our home and is reluctant to leave. So kids and he will go back n forth until direction becomes clearer.
I need to get away from all the crazy that keeps getting crazier.