Yes, I threw my WT library out: My recycle bin was full. Even if I had imagined this experience to be similar to a prisoner getting rid of his chains, this was not so.
Instead, it brought up all the memories I had shared with my family where we were excited about the release of the revelation book; the clear feeling of ultimate knowledge when we showed the Live Forever book, the questions I had practiced with my family in the organized book, my cousins who got baptized as well. Somehow, all I could think of was ONLY the good memories I had shared with my family and almost cried about it.
And then, I started to think of the division, the hatred and the pain that became prevalent in my family as some were disfellowshipped and thus, ostracized. Of the things my Dad and Mom thought me with absolute certainty, radicalising the worldly people with a superior attitude. My family was supposed to be protected from the world when in fact, it was victim of the WT that did this through abusive messages disguised as love.
And then, I started to be very mad, even cursing at the man at the top of that organization that are fully aware of what they are doing. Disfellowshipping, “house to house” is not “door to door”, computing the “field hours”, holding as “absolute”, teachings founded on uncertain biblical references, condemning, on a continuous basis, anyone who reason differently, etc. How can they not be afraid of the God they claim to serve? They have elevated themselves to a position above their brothers and sisters, can’t they see this is out of line with Jesus’ teachings?
I now realize that I actually hate what they represent and what they are doing to so many people that I love.
In the end, this grieving process brought me to a stronger resolution to fight against the actions of this group. Yes, there were good times and good memories, still, when all considered, it feels more like that battered wife syndrome. She keeps remembering the good things and forget that her husband is about to kill her. How else can I consider a group that, in short says: “If you don’t believe the full, integral, inventory of our teachings, God will kill you. In fact, if we had our own country, we would, for we are God’s mouth piece as Moses was!”