Re-Neducation: "Just relax. Let the hooks do their work".
Past couple years of being awake might be catching up with me
by noonehome 16 Replies latest jw experiences
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Giordano
Welcome SMH!!!
NoOneHome you have one witness against you they need two...don't be the second one. You can unlearn being a believer of the WTBTS but you can't unlearn the the truth about the 'truth'.
Just beg off your study with the Elders....you don't have the time or inclination. Don't discuss your ideas, feelings or opinions they are not really interested.
Neither was your close friend. It's obvious you are emotionally trapped with people who will throw you under the bus as soon as you let them.
Start fading now and forget about every conditional relationship.
48 years ago My wife and I left. We had been Pioneering where the need was great for 3&1/2 years. I held three major positions in the small congregation. I am still waiting for a a phone call from them to see how we are doing. The same with the congregation I grew up in.
No one but a person who understands TTATT wants to remain in contact.
How did our leaving work out? It's been and still is a wonderful life. We made a great success of living in the world. We have grandchildren and good friends aplenty. We live in thewarea we choose and associate with real people....good people. There is absolutly nothing the JW has to offer us or we them.
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Band on the Run
Did you make friends at college? I don't know why a soon to be college grad could tolerate the Witnesses any more. Transitions are rough. Several times I've started over in differing cultures. There is a time when old friends no longer fit but you want to be loyal. New friendships are not formed yet. No matter how many times I've completed a transition, I still find them tough. One of the reasons I was able to leave the Witnesses so quickly was that I had no friends in it.
Someone asked me how I found my church. I was telling kids working in the grocery store about my rock adventures in the 1960s. When you are older, you tend to compress time. It took years to slowly go from the Witnesses to embracing another life. I wanted a guarantee. Many days were spent in bed. I would get part of a toe wet and run back home. College was a major factor in my life. Looking back, I now know what is the essential me.
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Magnum
My god! I'm seeing more and more every day how cultish and controlling JWs are - like they have some kind of control over adherents. First, you might consider the girl to be a dear friend, but I would reconsider that. She might be really caring and sincere, but right now she is blind; she is ignorant (I say that respectfully, meaning lacking in knowledge, naive, and unaware). She might even be lacking intelligence. She evidently does not see anything wrong in JWdom, when the evidence is abundant that something is wrong. Most of the intelligent JWs I know sense something is wrong.
Think about it. She's really condescending (maybe not intentionally); she thinks she's in a higher, better position than you are, and she's stooping down to your level, trying to "help" you - you poor, lost soul. She considers herself to be strong and you to be weak. She has discussed you with the "strong" men, the shining knights, the heros in the congregation, and they, in their desire to help the lowly peasant, have agreed to grace him with their presence and enlighten him and attempt to bring him out of his condition of ignorance, weakness, and stupidity.
Damn, that's infuriating. But that's actually the way it is. JWs are smug, self-righteous, & condescending. I'm so mad thinking about this that I'd love for you tell them "lick my a$$". However, I feel that way because I'm angry and I'm not telling you to actually say that. However, you could play this situation to get something out of it. You could play the role they have aleady assigned to you - one of weakness and ignorance. Accept their offer to enlighten you - to save you from your ghetto of ignorance and weakness. Act thankful and appreciative and humble, but as the "studies" (the one-sided indoctrination sessions) progress, play dumb and ask questions - questions to get them to think - ones they can't answer. We can help you with that if you would like. Just don't let them have control of the studies. They think those publications you mentioned are delivered by angels and they have all the answers.
You could bring up questions like:
Well this is one of the things I've wondered about. Why, If we believe that animals originally didn't kill each other, does it seem that they were designed to kill? Why, for example, does it seems that poisonous snakes are desgined to kill? They have precision instruments for the delivery of poison. They have glands which secrete the poison, which is a complex substance. They have muscles that contract to force the poison out. Their brains are programmed to be able to precisely time and control the delivery of the poison. Many also have the ability to see in infrared so they can track prey at night. They have forked tongues that allow them to sample extremely small levels of the scent of prey. They have jaws that can dislocate to allow them to swallow large prey. Doesn't it seem they were designed to kill.
There are many other examples. At what level in the zoosphere did animals not eat each other before the rebellion in Eden? Did sharks not eat other ocean creatures? Did they eat seaweed? Did birds not eat insects? Did spiders not eat flies? If not, then what was the purpose of the web? We say 'design requirs a designer', well, I just see overwhelming evidence that animals were designed to kill. Can you help me with that?
It'd be so much easier to somehow 'brainwash' myself into believing everything once again and just go for it...but I've learned too much I don't know if it's possible.
Whatever you do, don't allow yourself to be brainwashed. If you do continue as a JW, you will never be good enough for them and will always be viewed as being weak. You will always be stigmatized. I don't see how you could ever progress to being an appointed man. I was one, but couldn't fake it as I began to realize TTATT more. You will waste countless hours of your life. If you do go to meetings, at least get a tablet computer so they will think you are following along with them in electronic format, but you can read something educational and better yourself.
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quellycatface
Take my advice. Get out now while you still have your sanity and dignity.
Leaving was the best thing I ever did.
Kind thoughts.
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Phaedra
Ah, sweet noonehome,
Welcome... to your life.
You are officially outside the box now, no matter how much you want to stay or pretend to salvage your unfortunately conditional relationships.
What they all say above.
So much good input here for you to sort through. This is an amazing resource and I'm so glad you have access to at this fork in the road. So many of us didn't have this kind of support when we awakened.
That people keep waking up in this organazation to face these kinds of heart wrenching decisions mentally and emotionally is astounding and a testimony to so much humanly *wrong* in that organization when someone begins to truly exercise their free will... to lose so much.
I understand. I have walked this journey and still do. I have friends and family who are hardcore JWs and I tread carefully around them just to keep our relationships alive. I pay a high price. So will you. So does everyone.
Married to a believer,
Phae
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4thgen
Hello noonehome, It's good that you posted here for support. You have gotten some good advise here. Magnum was totally right about your friend. You may need additional support through a school counceller or a therapist. Someone that you can have face to face interaction with. It's tough to go it at such a young age, but you can use that to your advantage. Make changes and live your life as you want. You get only one chance, use the gifts God gave you and enjoy your life to the full. It seems like many of us, lack self confidence. Take one step at a time. Finish schooling. Get a job. Keep in control and move ahead. When you loose control, panic can set it. BREATHE. Make plans, become enpowered by sticking to those plans.
There was a book that helped me: Feel the Fear . . . and Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers. It also comes in an autobook.
Hugs, 4thgen