Ok. In a nutshell: Born-in, always had doubts about certain things but pegged it as my own lack of understanding. Baptized at 16. When my best-friend pioneer declared he was atheist I was 19. This opened the way for me to stop repressing doubts and start doing outside objective research - hoping I'd solidify my faith since because it was the truth I'd inevitably be led to that obvious conclusion. I started reaching other conclusions I was not expecting. Stayed in for a long time for my friends and a very special girl, while having the foresight to take a college course. After a few years my pioneer sister and MS brother-in-law very shockingly approached me candidly with their doubts about the truth. I already knew everything they had to tell me and came clean about my own secret apostasy. They weren't careful like I'd been and were promptly disfellowshipped. I made a poor lack of judgement and attended my sister's first ever 'birthday dinner' or whatever it was. A photo of my ear appeared on Instagram...the special girl I mentioned somehow saw it and recognized the sliver of my ear. A series of somewhat frank conversations led to my sudden and horribly unloving judicial meeting in which close elders decided to disfellowship me. I wrote a strongly worded appeal letter and somehow won the appeal case. Life hasn't been the same since. I pretty much stopped attending meetings and reporting time and am essentially shunned. The one who matters the most has since told me she's in love with me...but obviously is choosing to have nothing to do with me. Her one sister i'm good friends with shuns me hardcore and told me I'm the most destructive thing to happen to her FAMILY because I spent time with my biological sister. Her dad was abusive and doesn't do much for the truth. It really hurt me to hear that from her. I went to Africa for 4 months and lived with a Maasai family and used all my savings to help a blind HIV positive girl and her family and do what I could for a rural community daycare to provide them with food and clean water and spent some time in an orphanage. I climbed Kilimanjaro to raise money but didn't raise much so I accumulated some significant credit card debt. Been working myself out of debt and I plan on continuing to help the people I met in Africa through the website I started. I plan on cycling around the planet in maybe a year. I went around Iceland once. Who knows if I'll make it or get eaten or kidnapped but all I know is existence is impossible unless I can somehow escape the reality of people's pettiness. Loking for a way out...would love to be a philanthropist but I just can't afford it. Hoping the people I care about more than care about me realize the truth about the world we live in and the value of love. True empathy can solve everything. Unconditional love is the only truth to life. I'm 23.