Legacy of being brought up a JW: Weird hang-ups

by Really?! 22 Replies latest jw friends

  • Really?!

    Do you have any weird hang ups that you think are related to your history? I think I do:

    Public speaking – I hate hate hate any form of public speaking. Job interviews, presentations (for job interviews or in the work environment), telephone interviews etc. I just clam up, go blank and feel so much pressure, it brings back a lot of negative feelings, and I only recently twigged that this is due to giving those stupid 5 minute talks when a kid, being encourage/forced to answer up as well as going on the service. Which leads to my next one…

    Engaging with strangers – I find it really hard to do this and hate things like networking events. I had a job a few years ago that was working for local government, and it was a programme to support people in the area with kids aged under 4. We produced an free annual calendar as a promotional item, and this one year the programme manager decided that we didn’t have the money in the budget to send them by post and that it would be all hands on deck and staff members would have to go and hand deliver them. We were sent out in pairs and were asked to knock on the door and if the person was home, engage them in a chat and encourage them to come along to one of our family events. The thought of having to do this made me feel physically sick and brought back so many bad memories. I tried to get out it with no success. Luckily the colleague I was assigned with was a good friend and I told her how stressed I was about this and she was very sympathetic and did all the talking.

    Demons – it has taken me a loooong time (been out over 20 years) to get past this. I hate horror films - maybe I would have hated them anyway? Maybe that’s just my personality…guess I’ll never know. Second hand things give me the heebie jeebies – I have a friend who loves antique & charity shops, and one day last summer we went out for the day to a town that has loads of these types of shops, and she was so happy spending the day rummaging around and finding interesting things. After the 3 rd or 4 th shop I couldn’t do it anymore, it made me feel nauseous. I just waited outside after that, good job it was a sunny day! I logically know that its all superstitious nonsense, and I would say I am now 95% over it, but sometimes it creeps back in.

    I would be interested to hear if any others have similar hang ups related to being brought up as a JW/formely being a JW!

  • quellycatface

    Enjoying myself.

    No, seriously I am okay but I do hate seeing my ex mates who now shun me, even though I know they are the problem, not me.

  • eyeuse2badub

    One of my hangups was, If it's too much fun or too enjoyable, it must not be approved by big J because I should be doing something theocratic instead of enjoying myself.

    Just saying!


  • FirstLastName

    Really?! - I agree with all your comments but also one more: I HATE it when people talk about religion. If they find out I am an ex JW, OH wow they have a million questions. What does the bible say about this? What do JW's say about that?

    And I reply - I can tell you what it says/what they believe in, but its NOT what I believe in ! In general the topic of religion is very annoying to me. The more I learned about religions, I became and athiest. Now when people talk about their religions all I can see is their hypocrisy. I feel bad about it. I am working on it.

  • LisaRose

    I think that the religion affected different people in different ways. It has been my experience that introverts had a harder time with giving talks and the door to door work. I didn't mind talks, but knocking on the doors of strangers never felt right and the last few years I found it impossible.

    I did some research on the Meyers Briggs personality typing and I think that those who fit in better in the organization were ESTJ. Extroverts as a whole would typically find interacting with strangers less difficult (although they may not like it), and enjoy the socializing at the meetings more. Sensors (as opposed to Intuitives) like information presented in an orderly fashion and simple rules. Thinkers (as opposed to feelers) like to use logic, not emotion, to make decisions. Judgers, as opposed to perceivers, like hard and fast rules and a strong sense of order. There are no bad or good types, but if a person or organization is very extreme in every type, then there can be problems interacting with other types. Organizations can have types too.

    Of course every one is an individual, this is just a generalization, but it helped me understand why I felt like a square peg in a round hole the whole time I was a dub.I am an INFP, the opposite of the organization in every way. It made me realize that there was nothing wrong with me, the religion was just a bad fit for me. That helped me realize that it was not representing God, because if there was a God, his true organization would help everyone to fit it, not just some. Every person does best when they can play to their strengths. As a woman, the only area where I could participate would be the door to door work, something I would never be good at or enjoy, or answer predetermined questions with a predetermined answers, something I found tiring. Feelings were discounted, women were marginalized. Hell on earth do an INFP.

    I have visited other churches where almost everybody participated in some way. They had different musicians, people to greet others, someone to help with child care, someone to coordinate volunteers, someone to make food, etc. People were allowed to do what they enjoyed and were good at. What a concept, no? Religion doesn't have to hurt.

  • Laika

    I hate engaging with strangers but oddly quite enjoy public speaking. I am not sure that those hang ups are due to you being a JW, as Lisa said you are probably just an introvert.

    I'll give you the demon one though, I hate horror movies.

  • Band on the Run
    Band on the Run

    The private electric utilities should pay the WT a bonus for all the kilowatts I have burned over the years b/c of my continuing fear of demons. My mom told me there were no demons immediately after the meeting. I knew there were not any but my private brain was terrified. I still see that cow god with the infant sacrifices. Again, my bro and I were told to shut the book. Too little, too late.

    The worse has been when I stay at a friends and see a ouija board game. Same gf also was into Edgar Caycee and his idiot readings. She lived in Ithica in a fairly remote location. She and her bf had a Caycee study group. I stayed outside of the house. No sleep. I later visited the VA Beach hq. You can't have people cater to what makes you comfortable. Only my JW relatives did it. Maybe that was why I refused to do it.

  • stuckinarut2

    as just mentioned:

    "One of my hangups was, If it's too much fun or too enjoyable, it must not be approved by big J because I should be doing something theocratic instead of enjoying myself.

    Just saying!


    Yes I agree!...it seems that if anything was fun, I had to look carefully to see how it might actually be bad, or may be distracting me from "my service to Jah"

    I have to add. Weird views on sex and marriage! These left me so nervous around girls...unable to form relationaships, so I ended up settling for someone I wasnt really attracted to just to get married. We were the 'perfect couple on paper'...bethelite, regular pioneer. BUT we have no chemistry, no sexual attraction....

    If we were bought up in a balanced way, then I could have had relationships, learned how to interact properly with girls and form a relationship that was normal, and healthy....

  • Band on the Run
    Band on the Run

    When people preach to me, I feel like tearing their heads off. The rage scares me. Controlling people annoy me. It is not only religion, but politics, current events, makeup, cars, etc. No one exists on this earth to tell me what to do. I think this is a major rule in NY and among lawyers and other professionals. It makes sense that people will not agree b/c our backgrounds and temperaments are so different.

    Another thing that drove me crazy in PA was that people resented my educated and experience. Woopy, doo. Some things do look nice on a resume but no one in the world can know everything. I lived too long among people who made conscious efforts to seek out people with different strengths. B/c I majored in political science, I decided to participate in the local political club. No one was allowed to know more than the area leader. Fine. When I worked, I had to report what I was doing to bring in fresh blood all the time. I saw real life improvement when many people were part of the deal.

  • Really?!

    I've never had a problem with enjoying myself, I even particularly enjoy Christmas

    I know what you mean about the weird views on sex and marriage. No space to interact with opposite sex in an appropriate manner as a teenager. My first boyfriend, shortly after I'd left, was totally wrong for me, but he was the first guy that showed any interest and I kind of grabbed it I guess and wasn't able to make an informed judgement call on if he was right for me. Also, this combines the demon thing, but I heard somewhere - can't remember where, from my mum, an elder, or the meetings I guess - that "demons" take pleasure out of watching people "fornicating". Does anyone else remember hearing that? That really freaked me out on occasion. Until I concluded that it was a load of BS.

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