I am DF'd and a JW sister called me to tell me she wants to leave

KateWild

One of my dear loved ones called me. She knows I am DF'd and she wanted to reach out to me. She fell away for a few years, and when she came back I had a study with her before she became active again. We became very close.

We have not been in touch for over a year and when she reached out to me she said that she couldn't be bothered to go to meetings anymore. But she still believes it's the "Truth". My dear friend knows there is something up but doesn't realise it's a cult.

I have a wealth of information, but I don't want to bombard her with lots of facts. I want to tread slowly and steadily. I want to find out what is really at the heart of her wanting to leave, but more importantly I want her to tell me what it is that makes her still believe.

I am going to be her teacher again but teach TTATT this time.

Where can I start? Any advice?

Kate xx

compound complex

Good morning, dear Kate:

Take it slow, take it easy. A good conversationalist is a good listener!

Love,

CoCo

ruderedhead

Can you invite her over for coffee to catch up? Maybe you could start with asking about the meetings after you've caught up a bit on family, etc.. She reached out to you, she'll probably be willing to talk. Just sit back and allow her to do the talking while you listen. You seem like a pretty insightful woman from your posts, I think you'll know what to say. You already know you have to go slow. I'm keeeping a good thought for you. Hopefully you'll be able to slowly awaken her! All the best.

KateWild

Thanks CoCo,

I was listening to what she had to say about the organisation as a whole, it was all very positive. I think she feels guilty for leaving, a lot of cognitive dissonance.

Kate xx

KateWild

You seem like a pretty insightful woman from your posts-rudderhead

Thanks very much, your're right I don't know where to begin because I haven't got enough information from her yet. I need to think aboout what will be palatable for her. It's quite hard to tailor all that I have learned for some one else.

The lack of love in the cong is one reason why she wants to leave, but I can't see how I get from there to the whole organisation suffers the same thing. Members are too interested in getting time in and thats why it's a cult.

That is too much too soon.

Kate xx

jgnat

Listen first, hear what her issues are. Then ask an open ended question to help her think. Don't rush in with the answer. It's the independent thinking that wakes her up. Other than that, make sure you talk a lot about how much your relationship with her means to you. Reinforce all those qualities that make her special.

stuckinarut2

Hey Kate,

As another member posted earlier in another thread, take it slowly. We dont want to overwhelm others who are just awakening with our "zeal for the TTATT"

Just like Jeremiah who had the fire within burning him up, we too can have this fire to share the TTATT...but it could backfire if we overload them too much.

I reckon your friend needs normal everyday support, more that she needs "doctrinal destruction" at this stage.

Hope it goes well!

KateWild

make sure you talk a lot about how much your relationship with her means to you.-jgnat

Good point, thanks. I will also talk about her life outside WT, she is very active and has many non-JW friends also. Kate xx

KateWild

I reckon your friend needs normal everyday support-SIAR2

I agree with this point, she really needs someone who understands her choices. I think she feels guilty also, I want to make her feel that her choices are good and healthy and she should be proud of them. Kate xx

Pubsinger

I agree with what Jgnat said :-)

Just thinking on the human side for a moment, I would still be a little guarded. I know that you are DF'd so from that point of view there is not much else they can do to you, but on a one to one level there is nothing quite as hurtful as opening up to someone and then them turning it back on you when they have a change of heart.

Whenever I let a JW or ex-JW into my life I make it quite clear that I don't play by WT rules. So if I allow them back I expected them to show mutual respect. JWs think they are the master race and can treat people in a despicable manner if it suits them or if they have a change of heart. I make it clear in a firm but open way, that if that happens then I will terminate the 'friendship' and it will be for good. I look at this as protection for myself and my family. In short, I do not trust them but I am willing to give them a chance. But only once.

My advice would be to be cautious. That said, I hope a friend comes back into your life. It has happened to me several times. :-)

I am DF'd and a JW sister called me to tell me she wants to leave

Share this