Please...I need your help

by Strawberryfieldsforever 57 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  LivingTheDream

  Strawberry,

  You're in a tough position and I feel for you. I wanted to tell you that I'm in a similar one with my own mother.
  
  In the end, I had to be honest with myself and accept that I would never have a relationship with her because she wasn't honest herself. Every good relationship that I have is based on honesty. My marriage, my best friends, even my workmates. All of these people accept me as I am. I can be myself totally with them, warts and all. I return the favor of being the same with them. My life is very happy because of it.
  
  I couldn't be that way with my own mother though. Her impossible demands on me were not fair, not honest and not loving. This is her fault, not mine.
  
  I couldn't be like that with my ex-religion either. Their impossible demands on me were not fair, not honest and not loving. That is the Watch Tower's fault, not mine.
  
  I've learned to just let it go, accepting things for what they are, not what I wish they were.
• 

  Crazyguy

  Tell her you love god and his son Jesus and Jesus never said to never talk to a family member because they did agree with your specific religious beliefs. In fact he said to live everyone including your enemies. He also said to treat those that reject him as a man of the nation's and a tax collector. People back then did not not talk to men of the nation's and showed tax collectors the utmost respect for obvious reasons. You nay then want to ask your mom if she is following Jesus in this reguard.
• 

  Crazyguy

  Tell her you love god and his son Jesus and Jesus never said to never talk to a family member because they did agree with your specific religious beliefs. In fact he said to live everyone including your enemies. He also said to treat those that reject him as a man of the nation's and a tax collector. People back then did not not talk to men of the nation's and showed tax collectors the utmost respect for obvious reasons. You nay then want to ask your mom if she is following Jesus in this reguard.
• 

  Strawberryfieldsforever

  steve2, you are right. I can't lie and maybe it is time to say goodby. I can't believe I am saying it....why does it have to be so hard? Clarity, I will sleep on it because I am too emotional right now. steve2, you are right about going on with my life and the people who love me unconditionally. I hope I am not being hasty saying this. I know my mom has not really been part of my life except on and off (like a light bulb), but I never stopped loving her like so many of you feel about your lost loved ones in this destructive cult...

  Strawberry
• 

  Finkelstein

  Just to make note, many people including myself have a close relationship with parents who were and

  have been JWS since the early 1950's by simply leaving the conversations of religion out all together.

  If I can do this, so should many others, my stepmother has even announced that she's anointed.

  .

  I go to the occasional JW weddings and JWS funnels., never had much of a problem because I don't

  pose much of a problem to them.

  I still take a friendly stance to JWS when I bump into them, I wouldn't say I have close personal

  relationship with any JWS outside my own family though.

  Since I known they have been brainwashed by tactics of fear, ignorance and corruption, I take

  the stance that I'm the lucky one not to be involved with this organization.
• 

  problemaddict

  Ugh. What a difficult situation. May I ask something? Did something you said trigger her question about you reading apostate sites? That seems very out of left field.

  I would respond in the way you did to one of the posters here.

  Mom, I love you. I have missed having you in my life. You are my only family....my only connection to dad. I have no interest in trying to lead you away from your faith, I simply want to be your daughter. I am not an apostate, or anything else. I am happy to agree to not discuss relgious subjects with you, in fact, I prefer it.

  Please just let me love you and be your daughter, and you my mother.

  -You

  If she responds negatively to this, than you can try to get into the details on why shunning your daughter is inhumane and wrong, but start here and see if she bites. Be loving and empathetic.....its your best chance for her to respond in kind.
• 

  troubled mind

  I agree with what problemaddict has to say about this matter.

  Appeal to her mother's instinct ,reassure her you have no desire to discuss religion or turn her from her faith . You only want family connection ,and that you worry about her as she ages .
• 

  troubled mind

  Remind her of her own words : She said she enjoyed your e-mails, ....Tell her how much you enjoy reading her emails too ,because you need family connection since your Fathers passing .

  She was concerned that you didn't love Jehovah anymore and that you were reading apostate material on the net ......you may want to ignore this point or ask her WHY she wants to bring this up ? , .... and she said that would be a dividing point for the two of you. Reassure her that this does not have to be a dividing matter among loved ones,family .You respect her religious position ,and all you want is her to respect your privacy . Tell her you have no desire to sway her beliefs ,and that you assume as your Mother that she wants you to be happy too, no matter if that means you choose different ways to acheive that goal . Family should be a bound worth preserving . Bring up another example of how you may not have the same likes in some other matter ,but that does not mean you can not treat each other as family .

  Or you could handle it this way : She wanted to know if you were still reading apostate material ,and to be truthful and write her back... I would ignore that request . I assume you are an adult ,and that means there are some questions you just don't have to answer . You could say something along the line of :Mom ,I love you and sometimes there has to be boundries among adults . I feel like you are trying to bring up a problem just so you have an excuse not to speak with me any longer ,Is this what you are trying to do Mom ?

  Ask her ,if in the interest of your small family, you can both agree not to discuss religious matters ,but rather have a normal Mother /daughter relationship .So many wonderful things each of you can share about yur lives without getting religion into it .

  I assume her conscience is pricking her ,because the Watchtower advice is telling her the correct way to bring you back into the fold is to completely shun you . This belief is based on the reasoning that you will want your Mothers love so much you will be moved to return to Jehovah . Which we all know is emotional blackmail ,but somehow is justifiable to JWs .

  I wish you the best of luck on your return email . Please let us know how it turns out . Wishing you much strength !
• 

  wasblind

  I can flip a witness temporarily out of cult mode ____JGNAT

  Oh No !!!! She went all " Bel, Biv , Devoe !!!!

  .

  Smack it up, Flip it, Rub it down
• 

  steve2

  Strawberry, I appreciated hearing from you in response to my post. It takes guts to hold your head high, refuse to jump through your mother's religiously motivated hoops or play games to curry her acceptance. Bidding her farewell with your self respect and integrity in tact is a loving and honest act. You hit the nail on the head when you described your mother as turning her involvement in your life off and on. You deserve better than that and your mother at least deserves your honesty. It is also a time for you to come to terms with a painful fact of life: Relationships end for all sorts of reasons, parent-child ones too. There are some appalling stories of parents in other belief systems and cultures who not only disown their flesh and blood but snuff out their lives too. This is not to minimize your pain but to give some perspective that will reduce the likelihood that you will limp forward in your life like a damaged being. You are not. You have a loving husband and have built a good life with people who do not threaten to shun you if you dare disagree with them. It is normal and natural to wish that your relationship with your Mom was not terminated and to miss her so much. But loss is part of life - you reached out to her with a loving gesture and she - not you - spurned it or at least complicated matters by raising the issue of compliance with the Watchtower Society. That is the game changer I'm afraid and to play a game of pretence to "win" her back is not worthy of you and is ridden with difficulties and further heartbreak at some imminent stage.

  Bid her farewell and if she should ever change her mind, you'll be there for her...honest and true, like the loving daughter you are at heart.