Dear God, Ordinarily, I wouldn't bother You...

by Elsewhere 19 Replies latest jw friends

  • Elsewhere

    The prayers of a smart aleck are answered
    May 02, 2002

    Dear God,

    Ordinarily, I wouldn't bother You, but today is the National Day of Prayer, and according to a proclamation by President Bush, all Americans are encouraged to "remember the words of St. Paul" and "by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." So, here goes.

    First, I would humbly request that You strike mute any head of state who invokes Your name.

    If there's anything we should have learned from Sept. 11, it's that when humans want to justify the most wicked and deadly acts, they invoke the name of God. This isn't limited to terrorists flying planes into buildings. Look at the world. Of the many wars going on, it is almost impossible to find one in which the combatants don't claim to have God on their side.

    The Israelis say You're with them. But so do the Palestinians. Heads of state all over the world justify all form of unholy actions by announcing that You are with them.

    I don't want You to hurt any of these people, just shut them up.

    And while You're at it, I wonder if You could put a cork in a local politician or two. I'm sure You have many, many requests along this line.

    I've alternately heard You listed as a registered Democrat and as a Republican, although Independent seems much more likely.

    Just about every politician I've seen at a public event brings up Your name, sometimes even when they are talking about the need to separate church and state. Our governor recently signed a prayer day proclamation mimicking the president's. It's ironic that she'd invoke Your name when many say she doesn't have a prayer of resurrecting the state from the billion-dollar budget hole we're in.

    Then there are the bigwigs in organized religion. It's their business to speak to You and about You. But perhaps You could muzzle clerics on one side of the world when they use Your name to whip their followers into a homicidal frenzy, and quiet down clerics on the other side try who try to use You as cover for horrors like sexual abuse within their institution.

    Then there are the actors and musicians, particularly those appearing on TV award shows. I ask You in the name of President Bush and St. Paul to strike mute any multimillion-dollar Hollywood prima donna who seems to believe You took the time out of Your busy schedule to rig "the academy's" vote in his or her favor.

    I have watched some of these award shows and can't help but believe You have better taste than that.

    And of course there are the athletes. Near as I can tell from post-game locker-room interviews, You are a fan of all major sports on all levels and have had a direct hand in making field goals, sinking free throws and driving home the winning run.

    Athletes, like the rest of us, have every right to ask You for a little help now and then. But even the biggest sports fans among us would be grateful if You'd stuff a sock in the mouth of the next ballplayer claiming that You are his No. 1 fan.

    Finally, there are the holier-than-thou representatives of the media. It is one thing to invoke Your name, but some journalists act like they are You. No one is worse at this than TV news personalities and the smug, self-righteous, sanctimonious newspaper scribblers.

    Even You may not have enough time to silence them all, but You'd be performing a great service if You took a moment to stifle one or two of the biggest smart mouths and did so as soon as poss . . .

    "As every one knows, there are mistakes in the Bible" - The Watchtower, April 15, 1928, p. 126
    Believe in yourself, not mythology.
    <x ><

  • dungbeetle

    Good one...

    ((((((( elsewhere ))))))))

  • Silverleaf

    This is great. LOL! There must be a paragraph missing though - there's no mention of the lottery winners who thank God for answering their prayers to receive countless millions while ignoring those who pray for enough cash to buy their next meal. Those people are my personal favorites.


  • SYN

    HEHEHEHE! The best thing is, God will never I've been heard saying before, every religion is the One True Religion! It all makes sense now, doesn't it????

    "If men were like their personal ads, they wouldn't need personal ads."

  • larc


    Good prayer. I will have to say that it is the longest prayer I've experienced since I left the Kingdom Hall. Remember those prayers, where the prayer took 20 minutes, summarizing the talk you just heard. I don't think Jehovah needed that kind of summary. I believe that Jehovah has a pretty good memory.

  • SYN

    Larc: OMG, horrible memories are flooding back into my mind now of nearly falling over from sheer boredom, ARGH, I hated that...

    "If men were like their personal ads, they wouldn't need personal ads."

  • Yerusalyim

    You said,

    If there's anything we should have learned from Sept. 11, it's that when humans want to justify the most wicked and deadly acts, they invoke the name of God.
    Funny, I don't recall Stalin or Mao invoking the name of ANY diety and they are responsible for WELL OVER 200 million deaths. Hitler, who also didn't invoke God, Gets credit for 60 million.

    "Vanity! It's my favorite sin!"
    [Al Pacino as Satan, in "DEVIL'S ADVOCATE"]

  • Xander


    Nice try Yeru, but:

    “I am now as before a Catholic and will always remain so.”

    ( Adolf Hitler, from John Toland [Pulitzer Prize winner], Adolf Hitler, New York: Anchor Publishing, 1992, p. 507. )

    “Hence today I believe that I am acting in accordance with the will of the Almighty Creator: by defending myself against the Jew, I am fighting for the work of the Lord.”

    ( Adolf Hitler, Mein Kampf, Ralph Mannheim, ed., New York: Mariner Books, 1999, p. 65. )

    “And if there is anything which could demonstrate that we are acting rightly, it is the distress that daily grows. For as a Christian I have also a duty to my own people. And when I look on my people I see them work and work and toil and labor, and at the end of the week they have only for their wages wretchedness and misery. When I go out in the morning and see these men standing in their queues and look into their pinched faces, then I believe I would be no Christian, but a very devil, if I felt no pity for them, if I did not, as did our Lord two thousand years ago, turn against those by whom today this poor people are plundered and exploited.”

    ( Adolf Hitler, in a speech delivered at Munich, April 12, 1922; from Norman H. Baynes, ed., The Speeches of Adolf Hitler: April 1922-August 1939, Volume 1, Oxford University Press, 1942, pp. 19-20. )

    I cannot comment on Stalin, he was an atheist to the best of my findings.

    Chairman Mao believed in God, but I cannot find any record that he thought God supported his actions - in fact, he at least once indicated that he knew God frowned on them.

    I think you'll find, overall, that atrocities committed in the name of a divine being FAR outweigh those committed by atheists. (Atheism as a major movement is, after all, a fairly recent phenomenon)

    Xander F
    (Unseen Apostate Directorate of North America - Ohio order)

    A fanatic is one who, upon losing sight of his goals, redoubles his efforts.
    --George Santayana

  • Double Edge
    Double Edge

    All those Hitler quotes are from the 1920's, before he was made Chancellor and way before WWII or implementing "the final solution" with regards to the Jews. Sounds like old Aldoph was doing a slick sales job to gain converts. Many Catholic clergy were found in Hitler's prison camps.

  • Kenneson

    Thousands of priests died in Hitler's camps. How was he a good
    Catholic? His actions refute his tongue.

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