Ok... so Mom did the robotic JW thing and people in my home country know about me...

by ILoveTTATT 33 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  jgnat

  When I was in my twenties I figured all I had to do was point out the obvious and people would get it. Nope, people are much more complicated than that. Fears get in the way. I've spent a good part of my maturity learning how to speak to the hidden parts of people, to keep them calm and confident.

  Perhaps the very first person you should speak to is your mom, just you and her, no audience. Make her look you in the eye. Let her see your raw emotion, how much you love her, your passionate intelligence, those qualities that attracted her to your dad and bonds her forever to you. Make her talk to you, not the caricature she thinks you have become. Make her think through the consequences if you were indeed disfellowshipped.

  Your dad will find his way free. Just continue to appeal to his intelligence.

  I am struck at how strong your familly bond is, surely stronger than any WT programming. Remind your parents of your shared story and I believe you can come out of this with your family.

  That's a good idea. Tell your family story to your mom, from when she was a little girl, all the things she and you have come through together. Take your time, tell it all. Make her feel it.
• 

  ILoveTTATT

  I have a success story: One of my cousins! She agreed whole-heartedly with what I told her... just asked me to not go crazy once I am out with bad things...

  She said that she wouldn't stop talking to me, except that secretly. She told me she had been talking to my other cousin who is also DF'd, and that she dislikes teaching her son the Bible Stories book with all the killings and bad stuff in the Bible. She had been bad-mouthed by the cousins who are non-thinking-strong-in-da-troof, because she didn't go much to meetings.

  What I did differently: I said I had differences of opinion, and that I couldn't reconcile my conscience with a religion that FORCED people to believe everything they said was truth, particularly when it involved lives. I told her about the vaccinations, and how the JW's were warned in 1921 to stop publishing such bullshit against vaccinations, but they didn't.

  I told her I was sick of being lied to, and that I took my time to actually verify with my own eyes the things that the "apostates" said. I told her that all the stuff that she's told about "apostates" is not true, that a lot of them are actually very nice people who just disagree with the JW's.

  I asked her to visit freedomofmind.org and to investigate how Mormons, Scientologists, and other cults work.

  She said... "think about Jesus"...

  and I was like, how so?

  "Jesus was persecuted for his beliefs in God, he didn't folow the religious leaders, but the Scriptures, and even being God's Son, he was killed."

  "exactly! He was the first 'apostate' of the Jewish religion. Those who believed in him were removed from the synagoge."

  "And he followed his heart. That's why he was nice to the prostitutes and even the religious leaders."

  "Don't the people who expelled people from the sinagogue remind you of someone?"

  "Who"

  "Well, who today disfellowships people because of a difference of opinion"?

  "well, I have for so many years seen so many injustices here, people have treated us wrongly. lots of stuff. My family knows I am not regular at meetings... I have lost so many years, but I still trust in Jehovah"

  "Please, separate "Jehovah" from the JW's!! They are different! I am not saying I stopped believing in God"

  "I had problems with people from an assembly. They said vitriolic things... insults... they told me I was a serpent"

  "Look, I just consider that this religion which self-proclaims to be "God's channel of communication" is simply not blessed by God"

  "I don't care what people think... I serve Jehovah and not men"...

  WE HAVE A LIVE BRAIN HERE!! LET'S NOT LOSE IT!!
• 

  Black Sheep

  I have to disagree with Losingit. That's what I did. In hindsight, it was a mistake.

  If you want to have any sort of half decent relationship with your parents, and not be a Dub, you have to make them confront the difficult questions before you leave home .... and I mean THEM, not the Elders. They got you into this mess, so don't let them abrogate their responsibilities as parents by passing the buck to the chief idiot in the asylum.
• 

  losingit

  BlackSheep-- I hear you and definitely agree with you. The reason why I say he should leave home asap is bc it seems that none of what's taking place is on his timetable. Maybe if he were to go and be his own man in his own space he won't have to worry about mom or the elders constantly hounding him. I don't know, just a thought. I do like what jgnat and others suggest about how he should talk to.his mom. Im not advocating movng out so that he can avoid the situation. All I'm saying is that he could slow things down by moving out.
• 

  nugget

  Once something is said it can't be unsaid. Decide what you really want the outcome of this meeting to be and then act accordingly.

  If your family is going into full JW meltdown then they will not be listening to you. The elders are not there to listen to your point of view but to establish whether you are a threat to the congregation, if the allegations are true and whether you are repentant and ready to crawl back. Cult members have immense power to dissappoint in these situations. They will not answer any of your questions, they will not debate doctrine but they will judge you. Within those restrictions plan what you want to say and do.

  I personally did not attend any JC as I had better things to do but fully understand your expressed desire.
• 

  ILoveTTATT

  Huh... my head is spinning!! lol the cousin who did not react negatively actually knows TTATT and has been fading for years!! lmao!!

  What you don't know...

  Ok I am in damage control mode:

  1. Try to stay in the house as much as possible. Promise to my mom not to talk about the subject, so that I keep the peace. Enjoy my last moments with them.

  2. Do jgnat's suggestion.... try to rebuild the relationship.

  3. I don't want to be DF'd/DA... but I can't keep ignoring/avoiding the elders forever. Eventually they'll find me in my home. Perhaps move? Even within my same city, but different place? Then when the job allows it, go to the other city?
• 

  ILoveTTATT

  On the one hand... I would love to just be done with it... place a general status on FB and watch how the number of "friends" dwindle. Just come out of the closet... But, maybe some will be curious and actually go to freedomofmind or jwfacts....

  WHY, WHY??? Why can't I just leave... no fight... just leave???

  I need help... thankfully my job covers counsellors in the health plan... I need help to control my emotions and keep a cool head...
• 

  jgnat

  Yes, you don't need to do this alone. If the first counsellor doesn't "get it" don't be afriad to ask for another. This is a specialty problem and outsiders often underestimate the extremity of the consequences.
• 

  ABibleStudent

  Hi ILoveTTATT, Would your health plan cover talking to Steve Hassan or one of his coaches by phone [617 396-4638]? Can you contact Steve Hassan through his website http://freedomofmind.com/Contact/index.php and ask if he knows of a cult exit counselor near you?

  You really need to talk with someone who understands what you are going through so that you can control your emotions. Even going away for a weekend to enjoy life and not think about the WTBTS might help you.

  Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,

  Robert
• 

  nugget

  It would be simplar to just leave and to hell with them, but don't be discouraged if you are not able to do that today. Life isn't a static thing, ciurcumstances change, time passes and options change. The decision you make right now is likely to be an uncomfortable compromise however tomorrow is another day and your choices can be different.