Continued . . . My husband is stepping down -elder

by Prisila 32 Replies latest jw friends

  • Prisila

    Over a week ago I shared that my husband was stepping down as an elder last Wednesday.

    Well, for all those inquiring minds that want to know, my husband's efforts were a TOTAL bust.

    First he talked to one elder who adamantly refused to accept his resignation. He encouraged and demanded that he stay. My husband tried all kinds of advice that you lovely people gave . . .
    That I needed spiritual attention as his wife, so they assigned me a pioneer. That he was depressed so the elders plan to meet with us now. They came to no real agreement on the resignation.

    So my husband had an elder's meeting the following meeting. What happened? Well, they were very "loving" and "understanding." So they have allowed him to continue being an elder but removed all the responsibility of any obligation. No talks, no service hour quotas, he can miss meetings including elder's meetings, he can basically do whatever he wants. But he doesn't want to be an elder and he still is.

    When we read some of your posts, we thought many were exaggerating about not being able to resign. However, we have realized it's VERY TRUE! The cong. we belong to has 8 elders I don't understand what the big deal is with letting one go.

    I think we should start fading. But I believe we are being watched now. We would call too much attention. I can already see some of the others with "privileges" getting green with envy at husband for "kicking back."

    We have the C/O visit this month. My husband intends on being forthright with the guy. This guy will NOT beat around the bush. My husband thins he should tell him that he has read the COC book I think this will get us DA'd. I'm really nervous about this whole thing. I think we should just fade; now regardless that he's still an elder.

    We need advice . . . HELP!

  • metatron

    First, I feel guity for laughing about this, it's just so
    ridiculous. Yes, he isn't allowed to resign!

    He just has to repeat the same story for a couple of months
    and not deviate one bit. Also, absolutely no statements that
    even hint at disbelief (i.e. apostasy).

    That's my story and I'm sticking to it, etc.

    That done, when the C.O. arrives, put it in writing,
    hand it to him and refuse to elaborate. You're depressed, period.


  • Pureheart

    I know that I am going to kicked in my a$$ for saying this, but this person is not genuine. Be careful.


  • beckyboop

    Hi Prisila! My ex-husband and I went thru something very similar. He wanted to step down as a ministerial servant, and they said no! He went along with it for awhile, and then his brain got the better of him. He finally told them he was stepping down, and we faded. I recommend you figure out what you both want to do. It is not an easy road, but it does get better. We are now very amicable divorced, but I'm positive I needed to be married to him in order to get out. Remember though--you do not ever have to meet with the elders anywhere at any time if you don't want to. They tried (a little) with us, but I always said "if they show up at my door they will not be invited in!" It is actually pretty easy to fade now (although of course under varying circumstances), just because they don't seem to be as rabid. Our elders had enough info to df us (thanks to my little bro), but never tried or did. I hope I helped a little! Please email me if you'd like to talk more privately--it helps having people who've been there!

  • dungbeetle

    The depression thing always works. If they try the pioneer, and private study and all that routine remind them of whichever Watchtower rag it is

    where depression is a medical condition, and if you wish to treat it without medication, then you MUST lesson your responsibilities and 'take it easy'. Also, You can tell them ,too, that you really don't want them practicing medicine on you without a license.

    That usually works. Pretty mnuch every time.

    You might really consider moving if at all possible. The Jehovah's Witness Relocation Plan(tm) can bring real relief.

  • Guest 77
    Guest 77

    Take a sabbatical. Let time be your friend. There's no need to say anymore than you have to right now even when the CO arrives. Slowly drift towards the bright and beautiful sunset. Happy trials to you as Roy Rogers would say.

    Guest 77

  • rekless

    Tell them , I can not with good conscience continue to serve as an elder in name only. I feel that I am placing more of a burden on the body. I need time and want time to think about serving and I want to see if I am serving Jehovah because I am an elder or If I truly love Jehovah and his organization.

    To cap it off continue by saying, "Look, I have issue with some of the societies points of view, and teachings."

    That will bring out the almighty , "Do you beleive that this is God's organization and that the Governing Body is the channel that God is using to disburst the truth today."

    How you answer will dictate if you remain in the trooth, or are promptly removed.

    It worked for me!!!

    Advance heart & vascular Specialists
    Ram K. Singh, MD., F.A.C.C.
    4432 S. Eastern Ave.
    Las Vegas, NV. 89119
    " This man saved my life, after my heart attack."

    Hell is truth seen too late. H.G.Adams

  • Salud

    Hi Prisila

    It all depends on what kind of fanfare you want for yourselves. If you want to fade away ** do not ** mention anything re. any beliefs or any books by Ray Franz esp to CO's. CO's have been instructed to watch for things like this. This for sure will bring on a judicial comm. The best thing for him to do is to write a letter of resignation and stick to it and slowly fade away. As you can see this might not be as easy as it seems, but make sure you give good 'biblical' reasons such as spiritual health for stepping down. Eventually they have to honor it. Good luck.

  • Prisila

    Thank you all so far for the responses, we REALLY do appreciate them!

    PUREHEART-Why do you say I am not being sincere?

  • Mulan

    Encourage him to stick to his guns.

    We have friends, where the husband was an elder. He resigned in February, and has had no elder jobs since, but no announcement made either. The CO was there last week, and he worked with him on Sunday, and of course it came up. This man is still loyal dub, but does not want to be an elder anymore. He turned down a talk on the CA assigned by the outgoing CO, saying he is no longer an elder, and that was accepted. He won't tell his wife what was said, but is still not answering questions directed to him, as an elder. He refers people to another elder, so we assume they accepted his decision. He stated his wife's upcoming surgery, his work schedule, the problems his adult son is having, that they are involved in assisting him with, and his very elderly mother's poor health. Maybe all those things added up.

    Marilyn (aka Mulan)
    "No one can take advantage of you, without your permission." Ann Landers

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