I hate watching this religion screw with my BF's mind

by ilikecheese 17 Replies latest jw friends

  • Vidiot
    Vidiot

    ilikecheese - "I hate watching this religion screw with my BF's mind..."

    Something tells me that a future with this guy will be difficult.

    Just sayin'.

  • pixel
    pixel

    Nicely done, Jgnat.

  • Narcissistic Supply
    Narcissistic Supply

    Give up. Walk away. don't play in to his drama. You are a co dependent. You are aiding and abetting him to be self absorbed. Stop giving him narcissitic supply. It's the only thing you can control with a narcissist.

  • rebel8
    rebel8

    if he leaves, he'll feel he's left "God's people"

    Ask him how to tell the difference between God's people and all the rest. Write down the list together. And then, using only wts literature and their bible, go about disproving it.

    There is ample material on this site and many others that will provide quotes for you. Here is a great one.

    Start here to examine, together, if it's ok to verify one's own religion. This is in their own words, saying it's ok. Do not skip that step!

    Ok, back to his definition. Is it true:

    • It's always been the enduring truth? Then why do they contradict themselves so often? And why did they teach such batshit crazy stuff in the 1800s and early 1900s?
    • They have love amongst themselves? Take your pick of the many facts that disprove that.
    • etc...

    Probably you shouldn't do this in a single session. It could be too much.

  • ilikecheese
    ilikecheese

    I've been pretty busy, and I just now got to replying to this. Sorry. Thanks so much for all of the helpful posts!

    Sizemik, I definitely try to "subtly" put the fear of the pool into him. Sometimes it's as subtle as a mountain lion attack, though. It depends on what kind of mood I'm in. :P I also know that time can slip by before you know it. I have no plans to be arguing religion with a fence sitter before I put my teeth away for the night. At some point, I'll just have to move past our relationship if he stays this way or goes to the dark side. Love can make you stupid, but I have JUST ENOUGH of a lack of stupidity to be realistic. Just enough.

    JWfacts - I try to influence him to spend time with his non-JW peeps as much as possible. Also, your website is AWESOME. Thanks for such a fantastic place to find good info. :)

    ABibleStudent - He has two really good friends who aren't JWs. I'm always talking about them and asking when they're doing lunch again next to try to get him to spend more time with them. I especially like it when I find out they've done something unwholesome... like playing violent video games! The horror! I'm also really trying to get him to get another degree in an area where he's been showing lots of interest. (He has a degree in something that's very related to it, so it wouldn't take him too long to get this other one.) Sometimes I feel like a school guidance counselor. He'll be reading a magazine, and I'll say, "Oh, you're reading. You know, you could be reading books about ______ at so and so university. They have a fantastic _______ program!" Yes, I'm very subtle.

    Designs - I know that having to find other groups of friends is important if someone is going to leave, so I keep doing things like trying to get him to get a gym membership with me so we can take classes together and meet some other people. It's a good reason to join a gym, other than the standby," If we work out, we can eat lots more!"

    jgnat - Thanks so much for your work on that! It's really informative. Those are really good points about God taking criticism and asking more questions. I sometimes do appeal to the "Hey, I go to another church. Do you think I'm one of Satan's minions?" argument. I'm also a more liberal-type Christian, so he can even see that people who don't think the Bible is infallible and who think it's okay to avoid stoning gay people are okay.

    Iownmylife - Yeah, there is always that fear of him going back if he leaves. Once he makes a decision, though, he's pretty darn solid with it. Apart from these shenanigans, he's not a big equivocator.

    Vidiot - He is really a very sweet and wonderful guy. He's got a great heart and he's very honest. He'd make a fantastic husband, apart from the whole whackadoo religion.

    Narcissistic Supply - Like I said before, he really is an awesome person. Everyone really likes him. He's worth staying with. And I'm not a codependent. The idea of breaking up with him absolutely sucks, but I can deal with it. Being single is fine... less leg shaving to do!

    Rebel - Thanks for the tips. I will check out that link. :)

  • Fernando
    Fernando

    Hey ilikecheese!

    So do I.

    The explicit, unabridged gospel can be found in their publications - albeit deliberately fragmented and obscured by contrary focus, noise and busy-ness.

    Nothing has more power though to break and authentically supplant his addiction.

    If you'd like a detailed 1-page summary of the liberating gospel in the Watchtower library just PM me.

    Greetings and blessings

    Fernando

  • nonjwspouse
    nonjwspouse

    Cheese,

    Unless and until his emotional ties have been broken with the WTBTS, then please PLEASE do not even consider having children with him. The hidden JW in this man can pop out and create a living hell. I promise, I know this first hand. He MUST be able to completely work through this FIRST. He must know he is not falling out of Gods favor by not being a JW. He MUST know other religions are not all of Satan. He MUST emotionally break this hold the WTBTS has on him in order to grow into a beautiful relationship with you and hopefully a personal relationship with Jesus and God. ( many come out of the JW that don't believe in the Bible, or any religion at all, which is understandable.)

    I love my husband dearly, but the WTBTS hold on his emotions ( and this is completely apart from intelligence or logic) is very strong right now. He was out of the JW completely for nearly 30 years, saying those same things your boyfriend says. He left as a teen. But in his late 40's it resurfaced and caused unimginable harm to our marriage, and also his relationship with his daughter. (example: She is afraid to say a prayer around him'; afraid to tell him of special parts she has had in school productions because she is afraid he will not be there and it would dissapoint her.)

    You must be very very cautious moving forward. This is no "just another odd religion" it is a full blown dangerous cult. The change in hism, his personality is like a 180 that I would have NEVER fully believed if i had not seen it withmy own eyes. I realy disliked his JW self. I would have never have even dated his JW self. He was nothing like the man I married for almost tow years.

    Currently he put the JW back into the closed box on the shelf of his subconcious. He was tired of the congintive dissonance ( and arguements) and his solution is to ignore.

    He can not ignore it forever. I now now we have to deal with this. It can't be an unresolved issue. But it is one to be dealt with slowly and with kid gloves.

  • sizemik
    sizemik

    I enjoyed your reply. It sounds like you have the options, the approaches, and a time frame. Having 'moving on' among your options is being realistic. The only thing I could add, is that the real possibility of losing the relationship being a could be a decision prompt. Tough call though.

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